Thursday, June 16, 2011

I Need More Girlfriends

Real life conversation with a guy friend from college...

IceQueen1227: Hey...can I ask you a question?

MonkeyFeet87: Why do you women ask that?

IceQueen1227: If I can ask you a question?

MonkeyFeet87:'re not really going to give me a choice. You're going to ask me the question anyway regardless of whether I say yes or no.

IceQueen1227: So can I ask you?

MonkeyFeet87: Go ahead

IceQueen1227: Well...Sam asked me out but I'm not sure if I should go or not

IceQueen1227: I mean...I kind of want to, but I know I shouldn't because of how things ended the last time and I really don't want to go through all that drama again.

IceQueen1227: Don't I deserve to just go out, have fun, and meet new people? Isn't that what I should be doing as a single 20 something?

IceQueen1227: But then again on the other hand we used to have a lot of fun together and if I did go out with him it would definitely be a good time.

IceQueen1227: Unless of course I get tipsy, in which case I'll probably end up telling him off like I did at that 80's party last year and I don't really want a repeat of that.

IceQueen1227: Even though my hair looked AMAZING!

IceQueen1227: What do you think I should do? Do you think he has any hidden motives?

IceQueen1227: Maybe it's just a casual thing and he just wants us to catch up on each others lives?

IceQueen1227: ?

IceQueen1227: Are you there?

MonkeyFeet87: Ice, I should have said no to your first question.

IceQueen1227: ?

MonkeyFeet87: I'm trying to jack off right now and every time you message me the red head on the video freezes...I'll call you in 20 minutes.

Why do I bother?

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Teach Me How to Zumba! Teach Me, Teach Me How to Zumba!

I was sitting in the passenger seat just minding my own business when my coworker/commuting buddy turned to me and asked, "How do you feel about guys who are into fitness?". I was so blown away by the randomness of the question that I didn't even know how to respond. They're okay...I've never had an issue with people who were physically fit. I've never known any professional body builders or anything, but I'm sure they're okay people.

Then she cut to the point....

"I want to set you up with my friend."

No. F-ing. Way. I am NOT going on a blind date. I've never even been on a real date. My dating career has been made up of guys I had a class with, found attractive, ran into during lunch, and fell in love with (right there in the North Cafe). Now we're talking about dinner? Drinks? I think? Does that sound something like a date to you guys?

"No, he's really sweet. I think you would totally be into him. He's a personal trainer and teaches zumba."

So she shows me the Stalkbook pic...

Oh? My friend is friends with this fine creature? I could do this date thing. I have no clue what zumba is but he can certainly teach me. I give in and she gives him my number. My phone beeps immediately!

"Hey Ice! It's Erin's friend Mickey! What's upppppp?"

Let me first say that I was almost an English teacher...why on Earth would a grown adult feel the need to purposefully misspell "up"? Six p's? Really? How did you get past Kindergarten? I should have said no right then and there but I continued because I love the attention.

So we're immediately chatting and continue to do so for the next week which was totally cool and casual...but then Friday came and it was time for the date. I was faced with my dilemma. I'm about to go on a date with a super hot, super funny, super healthy guy and all I'm going to be able to think about is having a cigarette.

Lord Jesus, have mercy on my cowardice soul.

He picks me up in a Jeep that bears a striking resemblance to that of my Ex's...only he let me smoke in his Jeep. This guy's cuter though...I find this distracting and I'm slowly starting to forget about the cigarette. The first half of the date is going really well. We're chatting about his clients at the gym, my students, our educational backgrounds, what kind of degrees we have and want to have, life in know, good stuff.

Then the conversation continues...

Once the small talk was over I was faced with topics such as..."When did you break up with your last boyfriend?", "Why did you guys break up?", "Let me tell you about the girl I hooked up with after my senior prom...", "How many people have you had sex with?", "What's your favorite position?", "Do you want to come over tomorrow for dinner and meet my parents?" I was speechless I immediately lit a cigarette.

WHAT. THE. FUCK?!?! Is this what's really out there in the 20 something dating market? My friends always ask me why I stay with boyfriends long after I'm no longer interested in them. This is why...because at times I feel it is better to stay with boring and normal than be seen in a public place with a sex freak who wants to bring me home to mom and dad. It's absolutely frightening.

I don't understand why men are afraid of marriage and's the dating around that makes me quiver in my boots.