The Constant Chill

Crazy Nastyass Honey Badger

2011-08-09T18:37:00.001-04:00

I had a terrible, horrendous, nightmarish day...and yet I almost peed my pants watching this video.

Try it out...I dare you not to smile.

Don't Mislead Me, Dick

2011-08-05T21:45:00.005-04:00

So my friend and I have kind of become obsessed with The Advice Annex. It's pretty much this crazy funny chick who has as much trouble with men and life as we do. The difference is that she makes podcasts and youtube videos with her true likeness while I hide behind this anonymous snowflake over here.

Please forgive my cowardice.

Anywho...my friend posted this video to my Stalkbook wall and I found it inspiring. So inspiring in fact that I feel the need to share my own take on things that men shouldn't do (mostly because if I shared it on Stalkbook, these pricks would know I was still angry about it).

Her number one is great. Bring money on a date. Excellent idea. I was kind of almost seeing someone once who never paid for me when we went out to eat. I was forced to eat salads and other inexpensive items from the menu. He probably thought I was trying to be dainty and girly when I was really just poor.

Number seven is the real kicker. Don't mislead me, Dick! This means that you shouldn't go on a date with your best friend's cousin on Saturday night, tell her Sunday morning that you want to see her immediately and then drive to her house a half hour away and TURN HER CLADDAGH RING IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO CALL HER IN TWO WEEKS! That's right, folks. My Claddagh ring was mistreated. Ask any Irish girl you know and they'll tell you the deal with the Claddagh. When the hands are holding the heart away from you, it means you're single. When the hands are facing the heart into wrist it means you're in love and going to get married...for serious. Soul mate type shit. Don't ask what the ring means, listen for me to give you the full Irish story about it, and then decide to turn it if you're just going to dump me two weeks later (because "it's too weird" that I'm your best friend's cousin) while I'm wearing a broken flip flop and standing in a 3 inch puddle. Please just don't do it. It's painful.

Why am I still friends with this prick on Stalkbook?

Finding The One is a Family Effort

2011-07-31T12:00:00.000-04:00

It's difficult being single. It's even more difficult being single when you're 24 and you've never really been single before. What's more difficult than that is when your friends and family members want you to meet their cousins, nephews, boyfriends brother, and every other single man in their life. It's exhausting having to meet all these people. Sometimes I can't even distinguish between them and I'm forced to give them terrible nicknames based on profession (i.e. "Mr. Zumba", "Hot Cop", "Beach Bum").

I was in the car with my aunt the other day when we're driving past a country club of sorts and she suggests I bring one of my girlfriends from work and go to one of their weekly open bbq's. As I was wondering to myself why she thinks I would be interested in subjecting myself to a middle aged meeting where everyone probably just sits around congratulating themselves on life accomplishments and how expensive their kids ivy league tuition is, she tells me that she's never actually been there. The "kid...well he's not a kid, he's a young man" from work goes there with his friends.

Really? She really wants me to go to this mixer and stalk her 20 something coworker. AND she wants me to bring one of my coworkers so they can see how crazy this all is. I know I have a clock that's ticking but I'm still young. I didn't realize it was ticking loud enough for my aunt to hear!

So I ask the question I'm almost afraid to know the answer to. She didn't mention me, did she? Please tell me she didn't mention me.

She didn't mention that I was interested in the country club BBQ...but she did point out the picture of me on her desk.

Awesome.

He Digs the Crazy Bitch Thing

2011-07-27T22:00:00.000-04:00

DISCLAIMER: THIS IS DID NOT HAPPEN TO ME. I'M CRAZY...BUT IM NOT THAT CRAZY.

My friend Eva swears that if you act like a crazy, wild animal guys are really into it. They become infatuated with you and can't get enough. They call and text you all day everyday and just wait at home until you decide you want to see them.

This was never the approach that I took in the dating game, but after this story I'm beginning to think she has a point.

Eva has been dating a guy named Neil for a month or two now and we're not sure how we feel about him. In the beginning he was super attentive and sweet and caring and while he still seems nice enough, we're thinking that after two months and a weekend trip full of gambling and sex, we think we want a little more from Neil. Never has he brought up being exclusive or made a move onto the next phase of the relationship and we don't like it. Yet Eva continues on.

Eva took a weekend trip to Philly. Her friend had booked it months ago for her then boyfriend and invited Eva after she discovered the scumbag was cheating on her. They had a hotel suite, comped drinks, VIP tickets to clubs, the works.

Needless to say they got a little crazy.

So...Eva was supposed to see Neil Thursday night before leaving for her Philly trip Friday morning but he bailed...and that made Eva angry. After a long Friday afternoon of drinking by the pool and soaking up the sun, Eva got the nerve to call Neil and see exactly what he was up to.

Neil: Hey Babe, what's up?

Eva: Don't "babe" me! What are you doing?

Neil: Watching tv with Jay.

Eva: Who the f*** is Jay?!

Neil: My roommate...you've met him about a dozen times.

Eva: Let me speak to him!

Let me first remind you that Eva is NOT Neil's girlfriend. He has never asked her to be his girlfriend and probably never will after the phone calls and text messages that will be sent over this weekend.

Jay: Uh....hello?

Eva: Hello? Is this Jay?

Jay: Yeah

Eva: You don't sound sure.

Jay: I'm sure. I'm Jay.

Eva: Prove it

Jay: It's Jay. I don't know how to prove it to you.

Eva: Fine...I believe you. Are you with a girl?

Jay: No

Eva: Is there a girl there? Are you sure? Was there a girl there last night? Was she still there this morning? I'll f***ing find out if you're lying!

Jay: I'm not lying. There are no girls here.

Eva: So there were girls there before? I want her mother f***ing name!

Jay: There is no name. There was no girl.

Eva: Fine!

She hangs up. At this point Neil calls her several times and she just keeps denying the call. He probably wants to tell her that she's psycho. She eventually texts him telling him to come down to Philly and party with her and her heartbroken friend. He texts back declining her invitation since he has already made plans with Jay for the evening. Then she really starts shit...

"I see...you can break plans with me, but not with your stupid f***ing friends."

Neil doesn't even respond to this text message. Why would he? She attacked the Bromance. The unspoken rule of dating is to not speak against the Bromance (at least not until after the wedding). If this relationship wasn't done already, it definitely is now. She's one of my best friends and I'm beginning to think she's dangerously crossing the line into "clinger" territory.

As if that wasn't enough, Eva is more angered by the fact that she doesn't hear a response from Neil all day. So she waits until it's late enough in the evening that she knows for a fact he's either sleeping or in bed with someone else when she calls to leave her voicemail. But wait...she's on vacation with her heartbroken friend so she feels the need to chime in with her 2 cents as well!

"Hey, Neil. It's Eva. I just....(F*** YOU NEIL!)...Shutup! I'm trying to be nice. I just wanted to call you back and tell you that I'm sorry for what I said earlier...(NO! YOU'RE A PIECE OF SHIT!)...He can hear you! Anyway...I'm sorry for what I said. You should have a good time with Jay (F*** YOU ASSHOLE!) if that's how you would like to spend your weekend. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Goodnight!"

Yeah...I listened to a recording of this message and I couldn't make sense of it. I told her that she didn't just burn the bridge, but collapsed all the tunnels and destroyed all the boats as well. There is no way this guy is ever going to speak to you again. Then she tells me about the voicemail he left her the next day.

"I always have the most interesting voicemails waiting from you on Sunday mornings. I hope you enjoyed your trip. Give me a call when you get back and we'll get dinner. Talk to you soon."

What. the. F***?

Summer Lovin'...Almost

2011-07-25T21:21:00.004-04:00

I cannot reiterate my annoyance with men enough. Especially when it comes to their utter stupidity.

I've been on several dates with Mr. Beach Bum since Memorial Day weekend. He's tall, charming, super cute, and his last name would sound great with my first name (all the things I'm looking for in a potential mate). Anywho...for the past several dates, things seem to be getting hot and heavy. We haven't done it yet...but we're going to. Next time.

So next time comes around. We're on the beach, full moon, all the typical love making cliches are set in place. We're totally in the moment. Just like the movies and those trashy romance novels. I'm the main character that everyone wants to be.

The only problem with these novels and movies is that there's never any mention of a condom. EVER. Sure, people get knocked up in the movies but they usually don't go into too much detail with STDs and such. It's like they don't exist. I guess it doesn't make for good storytelling. Imagine you're reading this great love story of the century and the main characters have just realized how in love they are and they're about to consummate the relationship and the author is describing in such great detail the look in his eyes and the way she smells and the sound of the condom wrapper being torn open. Mood killer.

Anywho...that's exactly how it was going with me and Beach Bum on the beach. Everything was flowing together until I knew I could live out my romance novel fantasy no longer. I had to kill the mood by telling him to whip out the condom.

At this point you would assume that any sensible 20 something man would reach into his pocket and pull out a condom. You know...since 20 something men should be prepared for these instances. Especially when it was an almost understood and agreed on fact that this was happening here, tonight, with this hot girl you've been discussing doing this with for the past several weeks.

Not so much...

Instead he comes up with...."Oh, so I have to pull out?"

What do you have to do? You have to do what everyone's been telling you to do since high school! You need to put on a damn condom, Lame Brain! Really? How did you make it into your mid 20's and have no idea what you need to do in order to have sex with a girl?! You're so hot! I wanted you! Imbecile!

The main issue that worries me about this is the fact that I'm now left wondering how many girls allowed Beach Bum to take them to the beach and have his way with them on the beach. More importantly, how many other beach bums had they done it with. And why isn't he concerned about the same thing? I'm cute! Isn't he wondering about how many beach bums I've been on the beach with? He doesn't know me! He doesn't even know that I'm writing this blog about how much of a fool he is!

There's an app on Stalkbook called Sexperation. It takes into account when you had sex for the first time, how many partners you've had, how old they were when you slept with them and tells you how many people you've shared sexual partners with. Just like the game about Kevin Bacon. I filled it out with the intention of telling you what number they gave me...but it was too frightening.

Moral of the story? Wear a condom. Tell your sons to wear condoms so they don't look like fools in front of sexy girls they're trying to get with...or they'll be sitting on the beach alone under the full moon with an awkward boner.

I Need More Girlfriends

2011-06-16T21:00:00.000-04:00

Real life conversation with a guy friend from college...

IceQueen1227: Hey...can I ask you a question?

MonkeyFeet87: Why do you women ask that?

IceQueen1227: If I can ask you a question?

MonkeyFeet87: Yeah...you're not really going to give me a choice. You're going to ask me the question anyway regardless of whether I say yes or no.

IceQueen1227: So can I ask you?

MonkeyFeet87: Go ahead

IceQueen1227: Well...Sam asked me out but I'm not sure if I should go or not

IceQueen1227: I mean...I kind of want to, but I know I shouldn't because of how things ended the last time and I really don't want to go through all that drama again.

IceQueen1227: Don't I deserve to just go out, have fun, and meet new people? Isn't that what I should be doing as a single 20 something?

IceQueen1227: But then again on the other hand we used to have a lot of fun together and if I did go out with him it would definitely be a good time.

IceQueen1227: Unless of course I get tipsy, in which case I'll probably end up telling him off like I did at that 80's party last year and I don't really want a repeat of that.

IceQueen1227: Even though my hair looked AMAZING!

IceQueen1227: What do you think I should do? Do you think he has any hidden motives?

IceQueen1227: Maybe it's just a casual thing and he just wants us to catch up on each others lives?

IceQueen1227: ?

IceQueen1227: Are you there?

MonkeyFeet87: Ice, I should have said no to your first question.

IceQueen1227: ?

MonkeyFeet87: I'm trying to jack off right now and every time you message me the red head on the video freezes...I'll call you in 20 minutes.

Why do I bother?

Teach Me How to Zumba! Teach Me, Teach Me How to Zumba!

2011-06-14T21:53:00.000-04:00

I was sitting in the passenger seat just minding my own business when my coworker/commuting buddy turned to me and asked, "How do you feel about guys who are into fitness?". I was so blown away by the randomness of the question that I didn't even know how to respond. They're okay...I've never had an issue with people who were physically fit. I've never known any professional body builders or anything, but I'm sure they're okay people.

Then she cut to the point....

"I want to set you up with my friend."

No. F-ing. Way. I am NOT going on a blind date. I've never even been on a real date. My dating career has been made up of guys I had a class with, found attractive, ran into during lunch, and fell in love with (right there in the North Cafe). Now we're talking about dinner? Drinks? I think? Does that sound something like a date to you guys?

"No, he's really sweet. I think you would totally be into him. He's a personal trainer and teaches zumba."

So she shows me the Stalkbook pic...

Oh? My friend is friends with this fine creature? I could do this date thing. I have no clue what zumba is but he can certainly teach me. I give in and she gives him my number. My phone beeps immediately!

"Hey Ice! It's Erin's friend Mickey! What's upppppp?"

Let me first say that I was almost an English teacher...why on Earth would a grown adult feel the need to purposefully misspell "up"? Six p's? Really? How did you get past Kindergarten? I should have said no right then and there but I continued because I love the attention.

So we're immediately chatting and continue to do so for the next week which was totally cool and casual...but then Friday came and it was time for the date. I was faced with my dilemma. I'm about to go on a date with a super hot, super funny, super healthy guy and all I'm going to be able to think about is having a cigarette.

Lord Jesus, have mercy on my cowardice soul.

He picks me up in a Jeep that bears a striking resemblance to that of my Ex's...only he let me smoke in his Jeep. This guy's cuter though...I find this distracting and I'm slowly starting to forget about the cigarette. The first half of the date is going really well. We're chatting about his clients at the gym, my students, our educational backgrounds, what kind of degrees we have and want to have, life in general...you know, good stuff.

Then the conversation continues...

Once the small talk was over I was faced with topics such as..."When did you break up with your last boyfriend?", "Why did you guys break up?", "Let me tell you about the girl I hooked up with after my senior prom...", "How many people have you had sex with?", "What's your favorite position?", "Do you want to come over tomorrow for dinner and meet my parents?" I was speechless

...so I immediately lit a cigarette.

WHAT. THE. FUCK?!?! Is this what's really out there in the 20 something dating market? My friends always ask me why I stay with boyfriends long after I'm no longer interested in them. This is why...because at times I feel it is better to stay with boring and normal than be seen in a public place with a sex freak who wants to bring me home to mom and dad. It's absolutely frightening.

I don't understand why men are afraid of marriage and commitment...it's the dating around that makes me quiver in my boots.

Nice Kitty!

2011-05-18T20:32:00.005-04:00

All day there was a strange stench in the room. My co-teacher and I just couldn't figure it out. Was it a body odor? Left over gas from last night's dinner? Whatever it was, it was horrible and it was definitely coming from one of the children. We literally walked around the classroom all day trying to find the child who had the accident. We kept asking them, "Is your belly feeling okay?", "Do you need to go to the bathroom?". This smell had infected the entire room.

It wasn't until the last hour of the day, when I was helping little Linda with her time telling that it all became very clear to us....

Linda: Miss Ice! Guess what!

Me: What?

Linda: I was playing in my backyard yesterday, and I found a kitty!

Me: A kitty? Was it your kitty?

Linda: No.

Me: Was it your next door neighbor's kitty?

Linda: No! It was a kitty from the woods behind my house.

Me: Linda, what did the kitty look like?

Linda: He was black and white. He was really nice...until he peed on me.

Tiger Buds

2011-03-25T19:54:00.005-04:00

It was just an ordinary afternoon in preschool. Mickey was coloring a wonderful picture of a dinosaur...when he started growling

Miss Ice: Mickey, has a monster taken over your body?

Mickey: No, a tiger.

Miss Ice: Oh? Are you a tiger?

Mickey: No, it's the buds.

Miss Ice: The buds?

Mickey: Yeah, I have tiger buds!

Miss Ice: Mickey, are you trying to tell me you have tiger blood?

Mickey: Yes! Tiger bud! It's inside me.

Thank you, Mr. Sheen. I hope you're happy to know that the next generation is already following in your footsteps.

They Were Out of Tampons...But I Got You These!

2011-03-06T17:30:00.008-05:00

I had to stop and use the bathroom on my way home from a visit with friends. I was a little taken back by what was available for sale inside. I had to do a double take to make sure it was a unisex bathroom and that I wasn't in the wrong one.

Only in a college town would you find this contraption on the wall. Ladies, you know where the tampons and maxis and such should be? Yeah....this is the men's version.
Seriously? What if I was bleeding right through my pants? How would any of this help me? If I were a guy I wouldn't have to worry. For a mere $3 I could be the proud owner of the entire 4 Play Series. I would have one lucky lady waiting for me at home...unless I was sent out for a tampon because she was bleeding through her pants.

On a semi unrelated note...this is what the whole bathroom looked like.That's not just the lighting, folks. That bathroom is painted with a fresh coat of celery green. I've never seen a gas station bathroom that had been cared about so much that someone painted it. I was even more surprised to find that there was no graffiti...and this is a college town. I guess the color choice is in hopes of distracting the ladies from the fact that there are no tampons available.

Go figure

2011-03-01T20:02:00.004-05:00

The afternoon my Nana left me was an exhausting day. So exhausting that I found myself needing an afternoon nap as a way to soak it all in. During that nap I had a dream...(Sorry, not the kind about world peace). The love of my teenage years, who was traveling in Europe at the time all of a sudden returned from his trip and walked into my living room. I sat up, he took the seat next to me and I asked him, "How is it?". He simply responded, "The second act is much better than the first", and I woke up.

To this day I take that as a sign from my Nana. A sign that I was exactly where I was supposed to be at that moment and that she was okay.

I can't say that I've really had a sign like that since then. For the past 22 months of my life, I have been aimlessly roaming not having the slightest idea of where I should be, what I should do, or where I was headed. I found myself in a place that I always thought I was too smart to end up in.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's time to grow up...again. I know this because I found a sign. It didn't come to me in a dream like that last one and it wasn't as easy to understand, but I found it. For those of you who may remember that I was working in retail with a Bachelor's degree in education. You may be happy to know that I'm not anymore. I got a teaching position and I start on Monday.

So I toast my cocktail to those of you who believed in me, because I got there eventually.

Can't Read My Poker Face

2010-03-06T08:09:00.006-05:00

Recently I had the pleasure of my first adult trip to Atlantic City. I was there one other time when I was too young (by too young, I mean that I was 18) to actually touch anything. We walked through the casino and I was forbidden from leaving the carpeted path, keeping me far, far away from the shiny slots.

This time I was allowed to not only walk up to a machine, but touch it, sit down in front of it, put money into it, and even have a beverage while watching "I Dream of Jeanie" suck away my entire paycheck.

Allow me to rewind for a moment...

I'm not really a gambler and I never would have gone to Atlantic City had I not run into a few old high school friends the night before. We found ourselves talking about the job market and how we all have Bachelor degrees and no real job to speak of (at least I'm not the only one). My friend Randy told me that he makes most of his money in AC playing poker. You see, Randy has been playing poker since middle school and I guess he's gotten quite good at it. I mentioned that I've never been to AC and Randy insisted that I join them the next morning. It felt like a challenge and I decided that I couldn't refuse.

Back to AC...

The Borgata was big, beautiful, and shiny...but it didn't like me as much as I liked it. That's right...the Borgata took almost all of my money. What does one do at the Borgata when she has no money left to gamble? At first I found myself thinking, "That's okay. I'll just go outside for a walk and make some new friends. The boardwalk is a fun place." Not so much...mostly because the Borgata is one of the few casinos in AC that are nowhere near the boardwalk. So there I was alone in the middle of the slot machines while Randy & Company were off playing poker. So I did laps around the Borgata and called some friends on the phone to tell them about my foolish gambling decisions.

As I was left to contemplate what happened and where the day went wrong I got a text from Randy. He told me to come join him in the poker room (I think he felt bad for leading me to my financial demise). I find the poker room and (having no money) just sat behind Randy. As we're chatting he whispers into my ear....

Randy: Dude...that guy across the table looks like Nugget.
Ice Queen: Who the hell is Nugget?
Randy: We went to high school with him. Look at the guy...doesn't he look familiar?

He didn't look familiar...but he did look angry. Apparently he was down about $800.

Ice Queen: I guess...
Randy: Take a picture of him.
Ice Queen: What? You want me to ask him for a picture?
Randy: No! You'll have to sneak one with your phone. He's a miserable bastard so he can't know you're doing it.

I know what you're thinking..."Ice Queen, this sounds like a terrible idea and there's no way this could end well for you." I would agree with you. Is it even legal to take a picture during a poker game? I feel like people would think you're cheating somehow and I would be hauled out of the Borgata in cuffs if I got caught.

On the other hand, it felt like a challenge...

Wait, isn't that how I got myself into this mess to begin with? Yes...that's right. Perhaps I should just quit while I'm behind and take it easy with these challenges I felt I was being faced with.
But then again I find it hard to resist a challenge.

PS...I looked up Nugget from high school on Facebook. He totally looked like him.

Made of Ice...but Still Beautiful

2010-03-04T17:48:00.004-05:00

I got the Beautiful Heart Award from Katherine over at Another Day, Another Moment. It's nice to know that even though my heart is a frozen block of ice, someone still appreciates me (Katherine's heart, however is NOT made of ice. You should check her out).Anywho, this award comes with some rules so I'll fill you in on what they are...
Instructions:

List 4 things that keep your inner self beautiful.
List 4 things that keep you physically beautiful.
Share this award with 4 other people that you think have a beautiful heart too.
Link the blogs of the people you chose and link the person's blog who awarded you.

Inner Beauty:
1. One of the most important things to remember is that life keeps on moving. Life will keep on moving whether you're there for it or not, so be there. You don't want to wake up one day wondering where those bags under your eyes came from and asking what happened to your youth. You want to be the one who remembered making the most of your youth (that's why you now have bags under your eyes...because you had fun...and probably didn't get a lot of sleep).

2. Life's too short to take anything too seriously. At the end of the day, is it really going to matter that the asshole next door plowed his entire property and left a snow pile the size of Everest on the street to take up not one, but 2 parking spaces? No. You're better off letting that one go. In fact, let all the little things like that go. They don't matter.

3. Lately I've been taking on projects to take my mind of things. I've been throwing a few ideas on paper and trying to turn them into some sort of story. Will it be any good? Maybe not, but I feel better for getting it out. Maybe one day I'll be brave enough (or drink enough wine) to show you something...maybe.

4. I often blast old songs from my childhood. My ~~mother and sister~~ roommates aren't too fond of this, but it makes me feel good. Lately I've been listening to this from my middle school days (don't judge me).

Outer Beauty:

1. I think my biggest advantage is that I know how to apply makeup and when to say no to more of it. You may be thinking to yourself, "That's not that hard, Ice Queen!" and I would have to agree with you. However, you'd be surprised at what some of these crazy women look like. I don't think they have mirrors...either that or they're hookers.

2. I try to smile and be happy. It has recently come to my attention that some of the people who come into my store think I'm a bitch right off the bat. It's because I don't smile and for the most part I'm walking around with a puss on my face. It's something I'm working on...although it's really hard when you hate your job. It would really just be easier if people saw me off the clock because then I'm just a pile full of laughs.

3. I don't eat after 8pm. That's pretty much how I gained over 40lbs in college. I stopped and lost it all. People don't realize how miserable it is to be chubby unless you are or were at one point. I get it and I'm not going back.

4. Good genes? =)

Beautiful Hearts
The Queen @ The Queen of WTF?
MG @ Midtown Girl
Missy @ Life in Left Field
Arexisaurus @ A-rexi-saurus

RTT: Secrets of Love

2010-02-16T10:57:00.005-05:00

-Remember when I was talking about Penn State giving me transcript troubles? You know, how I placed the order for transcripts to be mailed out 2 weeks ago? Yeah...they never arrived. If I have to face the force of nature to venture up those mountains to State College I'm going to bring a can with me.

-This weekend I spent my first Valentine's Day single in 10 years. Maybe some of you can do the math on that...I'm not that old. I've had a Valentine every year since I was 13.

I thought about writing a post about it....love. I played around with the idea of writing down things men do wrong, but then I came to the realization that maybe men aren't really doing anything wrong. Even if they were, I'm sure they don't care what I have to say about it. Then I heard this song...
Then I realized that there is no secret to love. It just happens. It usually happens when you're not looking for it...at least that's when it happened for me.

-Speaking of Michael Buble...he's my hottie this week (after many weeks without one). I think it's time to bring them back.
- My friend thinks he discovered the secret to love while watching a movie. The problem with this secret is that it doesn't work on yourself...in fact it won't work if you know about it at all. If you know the secret, you must use it selflessly for others. I'll tell you if you want to know...but if you don't then stop reading....

I'll wait...

...are they gone?

Okay! Here it is! The secret to love...

You need to find 2 people in a room/bar/party who have no idea the other one exists. They need to be 2 completely average looking people (Not gorgeous, not fugly) and if one has already noticed the other this won't work. You go up to each one individually and say something like, "See that guy/girl over there? Yeah, that one. He/she told me you were cute." Once you say this to both of them, the wheels will start turning and one will go talk to the other one. Then you just sit back and watch love develop out of thin air. I'm telling you...these two will be together forever. Trust me on this one.

Okay...the rest of you can come back now.

- Have you ever had one of those days when your iPod or iTunes is on shuffle and it just keeps playing all the right songs? Whatever you're feeling at that moment...the iPod just knows. It's creepy. I'm sure Apple will legitimately come out with a product that will read human emotion. Just like how Mercedes came out with a model that senses when you're dozing off at the wheel and wakes you up. Some people think that's really cool. I think it's the creepy. I'm surprised human beings aren't part machine already.

I'm Off the Clock

2010-02-10T09:00:00.000-05:00

Work in a convenience store in a small city and people start to notice you.

This is what happens when I try and go out on a Saturday night with friends. I step outside of the grill for some fresh air and this conversation happens...

Jerk: Hey, ShopSmart girl! Can I get a pack of Parliments?

Ice Queen: Hey! Can you go f*** yourself?

I really said that. I need out.

Thanks for Looking Out for the Alumni

2010-02-08T19:01:00.005-05:00

Almost a full year after my graduation, Penn State is continuing to make my life way more difficult than it needs to be. I finally got a position in a local school district (it's low on the totem pole, but I guess in tough times we need to start somewhere). While I've technically had this position for several months now, I haven't actually started yet. Apparently when you want to teach they charge lots of money for little things that prove you're not a menace to society.

City Fee: $10 Not too shabby.

County Substitute Certificate: $127 Seriously? The department of education is charging me to work for them?

Fingerprinting: $72.75 This one really annoyed me. I've already been fingerprinted and can be found in the FBI database, but since my prints were taken in Pennsylvania they don't count in New Jersey? Did my DNA make up change when I crossed the state border? That's right, if I commit a crime in any state they can find me based on my PA prints but if I try to do something like get a job, I can't be found. Go figure.

That brings me to a grand total of $209.75. I'm not going to embarrass myself by telling you all how long it takes me to make that much money. Let's just say that I didn't exactly have that much cash on me at the time (and saving for a new car after totaling the one I just put a few hundred dollars of work into kind of added to the money problem).

Wait...I'm forgetting who I'm pissed at right now. Sometimes it's hard to keep track of these sorts of things. So I got all the money and got fingerprinted, drug tested, and was cleared for tuberculosis. Things are wonderful because I don't have to stand behind a counter and be hit on by creepers anymore.

Not so much...

Literally 15 minutes after getting home from the drug test I get a call from the board of education. They won't accept my transcripts and I have to get the original copy sent from Penn State.

Fine.

I go online to try and get my transcripts. My student account has expired and they won't release my transcript over the internet because they don't know if it's really me or not. I had to call them. I HATE when I have to talk to the people from Penn State. They're all either incompetent or just plain nasty.

Incompetent PSU Employee: Penn State Registrar, Jane speaking.

Ice Queen: Hello, Jane. I would like to request a copy of my transcript.

Jane: Any transcript request has to be made online or by mail.

Ice Queen: I'm not a student anymore so I don't have a login. How do I get my transcript?

Jane: Do we have your signature on file?

Ice Queen: I don't know. I went there for 4 years. How could you not have my signature on file?

Jane: (after looking me up) We don't have it. We won't release a transcript without your signature because we don't know if it's really you or not.

Ice Queen: So I have to come up there and sign a paper before you can release my transcript?

Jane: No, you can print out a form online and fax it to us.

That sounds simple, right? They don't know that it's really me when I request the transcript online, but I can request a signature form online, print it out, sign it, fax it and then they'll believe me?

Is anyone else thinking what I'm thinking?

HOW DO THEY KNOW IT'S ME WHO SIGNED THE DAMN PAPER AND FAXED IT IN?

All anyone would need to know is my name and student identification number to get that signature form. By the way...both my name and student id number are on file in the alumni directory. I looked myself up since I couldn't remember my student id number.

I guess it doesn't matter who's trying to get my transcript...as long as someone pays the $10 for it.

The Hairy Goatman

2010-01-30T11:40:00.003-05:00

I say the same thing at work everyday.

"People are either assholes or creepers." (I might copyright that...)

Picture me standing behind the counter when a man comes up to me to purchase a sandwich. It's just a typical transaction...until he opens his mouth.

Creeper: You know, there was something I wanted to tell you but I'm not sure it would be appropriate or not.

Oh Jesus...

Creeper: I was in another convenience store and they had these condoms there...

First of all, usually when someone mentions something about another convenience store it has something to do with prices. "This is cheaper at the other store", they'll say. And I'll just kind of brush it off. This, however, was something I wasn't prepare for and I immediately became uncomfortable (not that it stopped him from continuing).

Creeper: Anyway, you know how the Trojan condoms have the Trojan horse on them?

Ice Queen: I'm aware.

Creeper: Well the name of these condoms were "Hairy Goat Man". Well, you can imagine what was on the cover. ::laughing creepily:: Isn't that a terrible name for a condom? Would you use a condom that's named after a goat?

Ice Queen: No, sir. I can't say that I would.

Creeper: Well, maybe it would be a crazy time but I'm not sure I would take the chance.

Ice Queen: Goodbye, sir.

What the HELL is wrong with people? Do I have a flashing, neon sign above my head that only creepers can see saying "Talk to me about condoms"?? What would posses someone to start this conversation with some random clerk who you DON'T EVEN KNOW!!

I'll admit it...I googled the Hairy Goat Man condoms and didn't find anything. This only confirms the creepiness of this man seeing as how I've come to the conclusion that he made it all up in his head.

Don't Ring the Bell In Case She's Still Here

2010-01-20T09:00:00.000-05:00

Ice Queen: I'm very hungry.

Mom: I know but I didn't go food shopping.

Ice Queen: Can we order something?

Mom: Not until your sister leaves.

Ice Queen: Why?

Mom: Because she'll start a fight and tell me that I don't have money to spend on ordering food.

Ice Queen: Well when is she leaving?

Mom: In a half hour...her boyfriend's taking her to the movies.

Ice Queen: I don't know if I can wait that long...I'm so hungry.

Mom: Go into your room, wait ten minutes, and then order the food. That way it will be here right after she leaves.

Ice Queen: Genius!

The Ice Queen Has Her Day

2010-01-18T15:59:00.006-05:00

An old middle school friend and I just recently got back in touch through the glorious Stalkbook. Nancy and I have been trying to make plans to meet up for several months now but our schedules haven't allowed it. When she invited me to her birthday party I absolutely had to attend. I knew it was going to be a night that would go down in history...and it was.

Back Story: When we were in middle school we weren't exactly part of the popular crowd. Most of our wardrobes were composed of hand-me-downs and free T shirts collected after years of field days. I had to be careful what I wore to school since my mother was friends with one of the taller more popular girls. Whenever she grew out of her clothes they went to me and of course she couldn't wait to point that out to the entire grade when I was wearing her outfits that had clearly gone out of style the previous year. (Did I mention we were 12 years old when this was happening? Apparently 12 year olds are very fashion conscious.)

Anywho, I walked into the party and said my hellos to the group. It was within the first ten minutes of the party when Nancy pulled me aside for a little chat...

"You will never guess who our bar maid is..."

It was one of the fashion critics from middle school. I couldn't believe it. Finally! My day had come! All those years of terrible memories of being humiliated and riding the bus home in tears will be worth it! I'm going to have my revenge! (Of course when I say "have my revenge" I really just mean that I'm going to be annoying and ask her for dumb things like napkins and extra silverware that I clearly don't need and only repay her with the bare minimum tip.) That's right! My braces are gone and I'm fabulous (clerk job aside).

As we're standing in a group of middle school alumn, Bar Wench comes over and asks us if we need anything. She immediately realizes that she knows all of us and says hello...to everyone but me. That's right. I was snubbed. This poor girl had no idea what she just did. I'm not the girl with poofy frizz hair and braces anymore...I'm an Ice Queen and she's was about to get the freeze.

The party had a bottle of vodka along with some cranberry and orange juice. We were out of all three...it was show time.

Ice Queen: Excuse me, we're out of Grey Goose. Will you bring us the next bottle?
Wench: Sure (leaves, comes back with bottle)
Ice Queen: Thank you so much! We're also out of cranberry. Will you bring another carafe?
Wench: Okay...I'll be right back. (leaves, comes back with carafe)
Ice Queen: Thanks, but I didn't realize that the birthday girl is more of a Screwdriver drinker. We'll need a carafe of orange juice as well.

At this point she knew what was happening. She's a bitch but she's not dumb. I thought about giving her a break for fear of my beverages being laced with spit, but by that time it was too late. Even the birthday girl was taking advantage. She was several screwdrivers in and was calling out orders.

"Tell her I would like some wine!"

Who am I to say no to the birthday girl?

"Excuse me, bring us a bottle of Chardonnay!"

She brought the bottle and two glasses. By this time the Birthday Girl and the Ice Queen were dancing to the Lady GaGa and got so over excited that the first wine glass shattered to the ground. Birthday Girl was on a role...she pulled over another employee.

"Excuse me, we have broken glass over here. Will you please ask our bar maid to take care of it before one of my guests gets cut?"

Should we have been more mature about the situation at hand and let bygones be bygones? Perhaps. Did Bar Wench learn her lesson? Perhaps. Was it worth it? Absolutely

Please Hold...I'm a Very Busy Girl

2010-01-11T11:59:00.004-05:00

Real Facebook status of a former roomie still in college...

Twin #2 is "on hold with student aid... 20 mins and counting"

I remember that. Calling, waiting, asking "where is my money?". My sophomore year I received a letter under my door that read something along the lines of "If the university does not receive $3,000 by Friday 12:00pm you will be asked to evacuate your on campus housing". Thanks guys.

Now my loan company and I have a different relationship. When it's time to pay them back they don't make you wait for hours at a time to talk to someone. You get bumped right to the front of the line. In fact, they're calling me! I'm so popular. I imagine my name, phone number, and social are posted somewhere in their coffee room. I kind of want to repay the favor and put them on hold. We'll make it a true role reversal.

"Thank you for doing business with the Ice Queen. Your call is very important to her and she will be with you shortly."

I remember the days of waking up every morning and checking that email with the subject line "Direct Deposit of Tuition Refund". I think my last year of college was the worst. I was student teaching and started 2 weeks earlier than Penn State. Of course, Penn State didn't care when I started. They weren't going to give me my loan refund until it was convenient enough for them to do so. I worked all summer in my moms office and it was a rough summer for the family so I was splitting most of our household bill with her. I went back to school with a money order for $267.75 for my first month's rent and a $20 bill ($10 of which went into my gas tank immediately upon arriving in my empty apartment).

I had to make it for 2 weeks with that left over money. To this day I couldn't tell you how the hell I did it, but I did. I went to a gas station and bought a bag of pretzels and began rationing them so that my rabbit wouldn't die of starvation. The sign of a true bleeding heart...putting animals before myself.

Now I'm not as broke but I have to say that it's pretty close. It's an interesting feeling when you realize after the fact that everyone in high school was right...you couldn't afford to go to that big name university.

Do I regret it? Not for a second.

It's a LIFESTYLE

2010-01-09T18:13:00.005-05:00

I was working my "other job" (yeah, the clerk job) on a Friday night when a man came in wasted. He walks up to the counter and demands to see the "receptionist" (is that my new title).

"WHERE IS THE RECEPTIONIST? I must speak with the receptionist."

I was standing right in front of him.

"Dude, chill out. What do you want?"

He leans over the counter towards me. I immediately go into defense mode ready to beat the crap out of this guy once he tries to touch me.

Drunkard: I need condoms.
Me: So go pick some out.

He got a little nervous since the condoms are off in a corner almost behind our counter.

Drunkard: Can I go get them myself?
Me: Well I'm not going to to it for you.
Drunkard: Don't you have Trojans?
Me: No
Drunkard: I'm not sure if I can trust these Lifestyles. Do you think I should?
Me: That's not a decision I can make for you.
Drunkard: I know...but I'm not sure what I should do...
Me: Well I guess Lifestyles are better than nothing.
Drunkard: You're right. Thank you for your wisdom.

Me: $4.03
Drunkard: Oh my God...I only have $4. What happens now?
Me: Don't worry about it.
Drunkard: You just gave me 3 cents towards sex with a girl I've wanted since high school. I'll never forget you for this!
Me: Please try...

The Dog Ate WHAT??

2010-01-07T10:36:00.002-05:00

I got home from work yesterday to find my sister in the kitchen. She was on the phone and her boyfriend was sitting across the table from her while the dog was laying under the kitchen table. The phone conversation was going something like this...

"Yes"
"No, I'm positive he ate it. What should I do?"
"Peroxide?"
"How much?"
"Okay"
"How long should I wait."
"Okay...Thank you."

When she hangs up the phone the three of us are just staring at each other.

Sister: Ice Queen, we have something to tell you.
Me: Oh Jesus...
Sister: Max ate a condom.

A CONDOM???
I just don't get it. So many questions ran through my mind at this moment. Where was the dog while the condom was being used? Was he chilling right next to you watching you do your thing? Where did you put the condom when you were done with it? Did you throw it to him like a frisbee? Fetch, boy! How long did it take you to realize this happened???

I don't think I want to know.

Word to the wise: If your dog ever eats a condom (because apparently this happens all the time) give him two drops of peroxide to induce vomiting. That should do the trick, but if it doesn't then he needs to be rushed to the vet for xrays and surgery.

My poor pup.

Where the Hell Have I Been?...Not Joy Riding

2010-01-04T12:35:00.006-05:00

-I hope every single one of you had a very Merry Christmas and are enjoying your wonderful New Year! I have a feeling 2010 is gonna rock the house.

-Life has been taking one crap after another lately. I believe the last time we spoke I had strep, yes? Yeah, well since then I've had wisdom teeth out, been traumatized by the New York Giants, and totaled my car. Fun times.

The removal of my wisdom teeth went according to plan. Quick and very painful. Eh, what can you do?

The Giants just let me down. I just don't even know what to say. I guess they learned a thing or two from the Mets. Maybe it's just me bringing terrible luck to any sports team I choose to root for. Eh, what can you do?

My car was another story. Henry was my baby. He was the first adult purchase (other than my education) that I made and he was all mine. Registered and insured in my name. The whole package. I crashed on New Year's Eve and the first thing people say to you when you tell them this is "Were you drinking?". Just because it happened on that day it's automatically a result of my own stupid decision making. I'll have you know that I wasn't drinking. It happened at 2:30 in the afternoon and it was sleeting at the time. The cars in front of me stopped short and I slid on black ice. I wasn't texting. I wasn't changing the song on my ipod. I wasn't looking for someting frivilous in my purse. I just couldn't stop. Before I knew it the butt of a Mercedes Benz SUV turned my hood into an accordian and there were small flames. I didn't notice them until a man was running over with a fire extinguisher.

I will also have you know that I didn't cry. I guess it all happened too fast and I realized crying wouldn't solve anything. I guess I could have died so I can't really complain. Eh, what can you do?

Nothing.

I think the worst part about totaling my car is that fact that I keep forgetting it happened. I had this conversation with my mother last night...

Mother: What are you going to do tomorrow?
Me: I'm gonna go get the rest of the stuff out of my car.
Mother: Who's taking you?
Me: What do you mean? I was just going to go myself.
Mother: ::stares blankly at me::
Me: Oh...yeah.

A similar conversation took place with a coworker...
Coworker: How are you getting in tomorrow?
Me: The same way I get in everyday.
Coworker: ::stares blankly::
Me: Oh...yeah.

So, let's recap my status shall we? I'm a college graduate who can barely afford to make a payment at the end of the month, I live in my mother's house, and I have no car. Thank the good Lord I'm adorable because otherwise I'm not sure I would have made it this far in life.

RTT: Deliver My Presents

2009-12-22T00:00:00.001-05:00

-Hottie of the Week: James Lafferty. Does anyone watch "One Tree Hill"? Well, you should. It's been my favorite show since they took "The OC" away from me (I'm still bitter about it). Anywho...his character on the show was a real ass when it first came on and then they made him into this superhero family guy. He looks good as either....yum!

-Did anyone see the Giants game? Where the hell were the Redskins while my boys were doing one amazing thing after the other? Christmas has come early this year and Santa is a fan of Big Blue! =)

-Christmas is 3 days away and I have 4 more people to buy gifts for. I know, some of you are thinking "Oh my Lord, why did she wait until last minute?". In reality, I'm ahead of schedule.

-I need to congratulate those hard working folks at the post office and other private shipping companies. My Kindle arrived safe and sound before the holidays. Those people are true miracle workers.

- I was finally on my way back to getting back to my blogging but then I got strep. It was painful but this week I will get back...hopefully.

- The tri state area got a "blizzard" over the weekend. All anyone can talk about is how much snow we got and how much of a pain it's been. I don't get what all the fuss is about. We didn't get any more snow this weekend than Penn State gets during any given week between Thanksgiving and St. Patrick's Day. Some of these people need to relax.

- My friend sent me this video...I didn't know these types of things existed. Maybe some of you can benefit from this?

Letter to the Gym

2009-12-19T00:00:00.000-05:00

Dear Local Gym,

I would first like to thank you for being a block away from my house. Your location is very much appreciated. However, there is one matter I would like to discuss in order to make your facility a better place for everyone (well at least for me).

First, I would like to know who set up your gym. I went to a gym in Pennsylvania and they had their treadmills in the back. You put yours in the front. Why? I'm very self conscious about my butt and I do not appreciate the old sweaty men who sit on the machines behind me while I am trying to run. Seriously, could you move the weight machines in front of the treadmills so that I am not oogled as I try to tighten up my ass?

Thanks so much,
The young chick trying to work off the last of the extra college pounds

Tailgating is an Art Form

2009-12-17T00:00:00.000-05:00

My cousins' grandfather (unfortunately on the other side of their family) is a New York Giant season ticket holder. That means these girls get to go to a bunch of games a season...lucky bitches. The great thing about cousins is that when an extra ticket comes along they help you out.

Truth be told I didn't even like football until I got to college. After my father moved out my mother swore off the sport and since I was hardly around men I never formed an appreciation for it.

Then I went to Penn State.

It's pretty much impossible to go to Penn State and not develop an appreciation for the greatest sport ever. After about a month I found myself glued to my television all day on the weekends. My weekend schedule was set in stone for the next 4 years of my life.

Friday Night: Beer Pong/discuss upcoming oponents

Saturday: College game day Penn State vs. whatever-hated-team-was-scheduled.
Saturday Night: Celebrate/Mourn Loss/Discuss upcoming oponents

Sunday: NFL game day: Giants vs. whatever-hated-team-was-scheduled

Despite the fact that most of my college friends were Eagles fans I decided to stick with the Giants. They were my father's team and I always held a soft spot for them in my heart.

My love for the Giants only grew when I spotted some pictures of Eli Manning...yum.

Anywho...ever since my freshman year of college I've wanted to go to a Giants/Eagles game. I felt it was my destiny. You can't imagine the excitement when the best cousin ever told me she got tickets. Family is truly a treasure.

Sunday afternoon was absolutely amazing. It was cold and it poured all day long but we couldn't be stopped. The tents went up, the tarps were hung, the grill was lit, and 3 packed coolers were rolled out into the mud. It was like college all over again. My cousin is a tailgating professional. She packs her car with everything one could possible want or need at a tailgate. She deserves a damn merit badge. We started out with 5 people and I think our highest count reached 20 at one point. Just laughing, eating, and beer pong.

It was just then that I remember thinking to myself, "Wow, this is absolutely amazing. Nothing could ruin this day."

Then the game happened...some of us cried.

Just Think Happy Thoughts

2009-12-16T00:00:00.000-05:00

So apparently when I leave my blog for a hiatus (pretty much because I haven't been able to think of anything else but the New York Giants for the past 2 weeks) I come back to find that I have been very dearly missed.

Missed so much in fact that I've been left an award by my lovely pal Single and Shallow. If you haven't checked her out then you most definitely should. I know you're all dying to hear about the sex life of a hot 20 something.

Anywho...the award comes with rules but they're pretty easy. I have to tell you 10 things that make me happy. There are lots of things that make me happy because I'm just that kind of girl but I've narrowed it down to ten.

1. Tailgating. I had an absolute amazing time tailgating on Sunday. It was cold and pouring and like nothing else and reminded me of my days at Penn State. It was simply amazing.

2. Lady GaGa: Yes, she's the most recent object of my obsession. I can't stop listening to her. The second I get in my car I just have to blast my stock stereo speakers to the point of no return because I need the entire city to be able to hear my jamming out with her. Her songs are the epitome of being in your 20's. Give it a listen and enjoy these years while they last and if you're older than that then give her a listen anyway so that you can relive the memories.
Okay...so maybe I should have warned you that she's a bit of a weirdo but that's kind part of the appeal.

3. Sex. Is there anyone who doesn't get a little happier after it? I don't think there is.

4. Text messages. If you're anything like me there's a little light inside of you that sparks on everytime you hear that little chime. Maybe it's someone you have the hots for or maybe it's just your best friend who you never get to see because she lives in the next state :sigh: Either way it means someone thought about you and took 3 seconds out of their life to tell you something. It's also a nice little way to pass the time.

Yes! I literally just got one! That was creepy. It was my cousin...she obviously loves me.

5. The shore. I've been having serious withdrawals since Labor Day and winter as barely even begun. I'm not sure if I'll make it to Memorial Day without a visit. If I don't make it then tell my family I want to be cremated with my ashes spread in the ocean so we will never part again.

6. A clean room. I love coming home after a stressful day to a nice tidy room. It's just a shame I have such trouble keeping it that way.

7. Candy. I grew out of sweets for a while but now I'm back. I'm not sure how I've gone this long without it.

8. Hotties...yum!

9. Scented candles. I smoke so the candles are absolutely necessary...and all the cool kids light candles.

10. Blogging. You guys make me pretty happy. I love reading about your families and your jobs and your sex lives. Thanks for sharing!

I'm going to share this award too. Once again, if I read your blog then you make me happy and you deserve this one.

RTT: I Need a Doctor...Not You...Yeah, Him

2009-12-15T08:53:00.007-05:00

-I skipped last week...and a lot of other things.

- Went to the Giants game this weekend. It was everything I ever dreamed it would be (just with a downpour). There was food, drink, a buttload of crazy 20 somethings. We had amazing time...but then the game itself happened. I never realized until yesterday how many of my facebook friends are Eagles fans. But that's what I get for going to college in Pennsylvania.

-Christmas is a week and a half away?? I haven't started shopping yet. No joke. I'm a little worried but it's not like I get my shopping done any earlier any other year so what's the difference this time. It always works out so I'm sure I have absolutely nothing to worry about.

-Hottie of the Week: Shane West. I loved Shane back in the day when he was in Whatever it Takes with James Franco. Most of you would probably know him from his latest appearance on ER. Does anyone remember the show Once and Again with Sella Ward? No? My mom watched it...anywho he was the brother on that show too. My favorite role of his was Landon Carter in A Walk to Remember. He does this pout kind of face that's crazy hot....yum.

-New Years Eve is absolutely my favorite holiday. The only problem is that I feel so much pressure to make it absolutely spectacular. I feel that it's a non spoke competition among 20 something's to have the wildest New Years Eve and I'm all for it...just don't go rubbing your good time in my face. I was perfectly happy with what I was doing until you came along and tried to tell me I was lame. What are you guys doing New Years Eve?

Want more? UnMom

Where's Buffy? Edward Needs a Slaying

2009-12-05T19:00:00.001-05:00

I want to talk about something that everyone else is talking about.

I want to talk about vampires.

Before you go flipping on to the next blog that is discussing the Twilight saga allow me to be more specific. I want to talk about real vampires (maybe not "real" in the sense that they actually exist, but "real" in the sense of what they are supposed to be. They're supposed to be scary, blood sucking creatures of the night...no sparkly, emo high school kids who live under the overcast skies of the Pacific Northwest.

I'll admit that I've never read Twilight. I'll also admit that I shouldn't knock something before I've tried it, but I'm drawing the line at this one. People who read Twilight are obsessed (just be honest with yourselves). They're not bad people...just obsessed. I don't want to become another girl wishing she could be the next Mrs. Edward Cullen. I will also have you know that Robert Pattinson does absolutely nothing for me. That's right. Sorry to disappoint you ladies but you will never see him as a hottie of the week on this blog. I also feel the need to stress that Kristen Stewart always looks high as a friggin cloud. Am I the only one who has noticed this? Yes? Okay then...moving on.

When I was in middle school I had this idea for a television show. I never told anyone about this idea because I came to the realization that the whole idea of it was absolutely ridiculous and that no one would watch it. I really wish that I would have told someone about it because I was apparently ahead of my time and I would have made myself a lot of money.

Picture this as a pilot...girl and boy go to homecoming dance. They're high school sweethearts, totally in love, and nothing will ever come between them....not even death (see where I'm going with this?). After the dance boy gets attacked by a vampire gang and the whole town thinks he's dead. The girl is completely beside herself with grief and doesn't know how she'll ever move now that boy is dead...luckily for her the boy comes back as the undead. He's now a vampire and the vampire gang that turned him is now after her and he has to protect her from them.

Sound familiar??? You may be saying to yourself..."Wow, this sounds a lot like Twilight and you thought of it first". If you were saying that then you would be partially right...because I did think of it before the Twilight saga became a widespread epidemic, but I didn't think of it first. There was already a tv show about a human teenage girl in love with a vampire.

That's right folks....Buffy the Vampire Slayer thought of the whole idea of this human girl loves vampire boy thing. Doesn't anyone remember Buffy and Angel and their tragic love affair before he broke off to have his own spin off series? I'll go for David Boreanaz over Robert Pattinson anyday.

Sure Twilight changed some of the details but the story line is all the same. They're in love and they can't be together because that would mean him giving into his primal instincts which would inevitably lead to him eating her. (Didn't Edward let Bella drink his blood to save her life though??? Oh that's right....Angel did the same thing for Buffy...or he drank her blood to save his life. What's the difference?).

Oh, and the whole werewolf thing? Yeah...that was a movie too. It's called Underworld. You should rent it. It was more action than Twilight without the teenage angst.

RTT: I'm Picking Up Photography

2009-12-01T00:00:00.000-05:00

- My thoughts are short and sweet today as I'm currently developing 2 other ideas and those are all I've been able to think about lately. More on that to follow...

-I am so sick of the street sweeper. I hate the fact that I need to memorize the schedule of someone else so that I can park my car safely without a ticket. It's driving me insane.

-Today is the first day of December and marks the end of 2009. Has anyone else realized that this is not only the end of a year but the end of a decade?! I just realized this last week. I'm serious. This is the first decade I can remember in it's entirety. This is a really big deal for me.

-Hottie of the Week: Ashton Kutcher. I feel the need to specify that it is not all Ashton Kutcher. It's Aston Kutcher on those Nikon commercials.This commercial makes me wish I was a model so that Ashton could take pictures of me all day long. Seriously. Yum!

-Speaking of hotties...I'm trying to get a slideshow type thing on my sidebar so that all of you can see my past hotties of the week. (I know you all really miss Jensen Ackles!) It's too bad that I'm design challenged. Can anyone help?

Like these random tidbits I like to call thoughts? Check out UnMom for more.

Thanks Simple Things!

2009-11-25T11:03:00.004-05:00

I've decided to compile a list of things I'm thankful for. My friend asked me what I was thankful for the other day and of course I was about to rattle through all those things we all say we're thankful for...

Me: I'm thankful for my family, friends...
Friend: No...we're all thankful for those things. What are the simple things you're thankful for? I'm thankful for pockets.
Me: Pockets?
Friend: Yes, pockets. Sometimes I don't have enough stuff to carry a whole bag. My pockets are perfect.

So here are the simple things in life that I'm thankful for.

-I'm thankful that my town's police department still breaks into cars with manual locks.

-I'm thankful my car has manual locks.

-I'm thankful that most food is microwavable and I don't actually have to cook it since I'm so bad at it.

-I'm thankful that the New York Giants finally won a football game.

-I'm thankful that I can look up a song title and artist with only one little obscure lyric from that song. If I don't know it...google does.

-I'm thankful that somewhere along the course of human history, someone came up with idea of domesticating dogs. I love my dog. I think that was a great idea! I imagine that in some small village somewhere, the town idiot was in the woods and came across a wolf. Everyone else was afraid of the wolf but this crazy loon said to himself, "Hey! I want one!" Think about it...they probably wanted to lock this guy up for insanity. A wolf? As a pet?

I'm also thankful that I can make up crazy reasons like this to explain the domestication of animals.

-I'm thankful that I've realized I'm young and will no longer base my life around my second job's work schedule. I'm going to go out on the weekends and I'll suck it up and go to work the next day. I'm young and I need to take advantage of it.

-I'm thankful that I never had an acne problem.

-I'm thankful that I'm strong enough to not allow PETA to ruin my turkey consumption.

-I'm thankful that Ben Franklin did not succeed in naming the turkey as the national bird of the United States. If he had, we would probably be eating eagle instead and that just doesn't sound as delicious.

What are some of the simple things you're thankful for? Please...no mushy stuff.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

RTT: Oh, Eli

2009-11-24T00:00:00.003-05:00

- Hottie of the Week: Eli Manning. That's right folks. The New York Giants have finally won a damn football game. Let me tell you...it feels good. I'm convinced it's because Sunday was my mother's birthday. I told her that this was one of the best gifts she got this year. Eli loves his future mother in law and he would never lose on her birthday.Enough with the creepiness though...he's adorable. How can you not love this?
She said he's adorable...and she's right! Yum!

- I heard somewhere that the average American locks his or her keys in the car twice in their life. I've already done it 4 times (3 of them were this year alone). Techinically that means I've done it enough for me and someone else. Someone in this country will never lock their keys in the car thanks to me. I expect a thank you gift. I saved you about $90.

Update: I locked my keys in my car AGAIN TODAY!! RIGHT AFTER POSTING THIS!

- Does anyone have an Amazon Kindle? I think that's so clever and I really want one. They're still pricey though. Perhaps I can lock my keys in my car a few more times to save others from the pain and then they can all go in on buying one for me. That was a logical thought process, right?

Check out UnMom for the original

Dear Me

2009-11-21T00:00:00.001-05:00

I saw that Otin did one of these a while back and I absolutely fell in love with the idea. Only problem was I had trouble figuring out what I would say to myself but I think I've come up with something.

Dear Past Self,

Damn, you're cute.

I know you think you're chubby and you walk around that high school keeping to yourself but you should really let go every once in a while. I hate to break it to you but once you get to college you're gonna make some bad partying decisions and pack on 50lbs. Don't panic! You'll lose most of it but you'll never have that perfect high school curve ever again so skip the tankini and go for the string bikini instead. You will not regret this decision.

When you get to college there will be a lot of choices you'll have to make. I thought about telling you to avoid certain people but then decided against it. Knowing you, you'll over think it and f*** everything up for us. I don't want you to do that. Just go with your gut and don't ever let anyone tell you what to do. You'll be okay.

Love,
A Wiser Version of Yourself

..........................................................

Dear Current Self,

Damn, you're cute.

It's been a long road hasn't it? I can't believe we've made it this far and lived to tell the tale (and what a tale it is).

There are a lot of things you're questioning right now. Did you make the right decisions? What if you did that other thing instead? Personally, I don't think all of these "what if"s are going to get us anywhere. This is the way things are, but this isn't the way things will stay forever. We need to keep our head up and keep moving on. You'll be okay.

Love,
Your Crazy Self

........................................................

Dear Future Self,

Damn, I hope you're still cute.

I also hope we have a cute husband, cute kids, cute dog, and cute house. I also hope that I did not depress you due to the fact that you have none of those things. If you don't, then I'm sure there's still time. No one specified just how far in the future you are.

Remember the student teaching dinner when that middle school principal told us that the only way to keep our sanity is to keep doing what we enjoy doing? Follow his directions. Keep doing the writing thing. We enjoy it and it's helped us over the past year.

Maybe you're not young anymore and I know that you're a little sad about that, but we had fun dammit! We had our day and now it is time to pass the torch on to the next generation. Don't be that old person who is still wearing my clothes. They don't look as cute on you as they did on me.

Also, continue to keep your head up. It's gotten us pretty far until now. You'll be okay.

You are okay, right??

Love,
A More Foolish Version of Yourself

Have You Met My Best Frenemy?

2009-11-19T13:00:00.000-05:00

I wrote this on my old blog last year and a lot of my readers enjoyed it (which isn't saying much because I think I only had 8 or so at the time). Anywho, I've read a few posts about frenemies and I wanted to share my own insights. That's when I realized I already did.

So here's a snipit from the old blog (don't you love how I'm slowly giving away my identity?). Hope you enjoy!

My mentor and I were having a conversation today about two of the girls in our class. Sara and Alana are best friends. Today at recess Sara was playing with a bug she had found and Alana came over and stomped on it. In a typical kindergarten fashion, they both came over to tell us about it. Once they walked away I turned to my mentor and said that they’re destined to be life long frenemies. After a minute or so of hysterical laughter, she convinced me to write a blog about it.

Frenemy: (n) Someone who is both a friend and enemy, a relationship that is both mutually beneficial or dependent while being competitive, fraught with risk and mistrust.

Of course, I continued this conversation with a friend of mine. Being of the male gender, he was completely confused by the entire idea of a frenemy. I don’t blame him…it’s something that I don’t quite understand myself. One of the most interesting things about frenemies is that they seem to be female, therefore boys do not understand them. “I don’t get it,” a boy may say, “if you don’t like someone then don’t be friends with them.” Silly boys, if only it were that simple.

I have to admit that I’ve had my fair share of frenemies in my past. In fact, I can remember having frenemies way back in first grade. If you’re a girl, frenemies are just a part of life. The worst part about frenemies is that as much as you want to cut them out of your life, you realize that you need them for something. Maybe she has the best toys? Maybe you need her to pass a class? Maybe she has a really cute brother? Maybe she knows your deepest darkest secret and you cannot afford to make her angry? (This one has always been my downfall.) Whatever the reason it’s not a situation a girl enjoys getting into. Luckily, I’ve compiled a list of things to look out for when trying to avoid frenemies.

BEWARE: FRENEMIES COME IN ALL AGES, SHAPES, COLORS, AND SIZES. DO NOT GET CAUGHT OFF GUARD!!!!

First Grade Frenemy: This is the girl in the class who likes to buy friends. Sure, she offers you her Beauty and the Beast pencil…little do you know she’s about to go tell the teacher that you stole it from her! Don’t worry though…she’ll always offer you some of her snack at lunch to make up for any confusion.

Fifth Grade Frenemy: This is the girl who calls you on the phone so that the two of you can take about how much you hate Paige…little do you know that she has Paige on three way and she’s listening to the whole conversation! Don’t worry though…she’ll invite you over to her pool party to make up for any confusion.

Ninth Grade Frenemy: This is the girl who you confess your undying love for the guy in fourth period to. She’ll promise you to put in a good word since she sits behind him…little do you know that she secretly wants him for herself and eventually you’ll find them making out at the next hockey game. Don’t worry though…she’ll get her hot brother to ask you out in order to make up for any confusion.

College Frenemy: This is the girl who likes to go out and have a good time. She’ll invite you out with her and some other friends so that you can have a bonding experience…little do you know she’s about to leave you stranded with her boyfriend’s creepy cousin and no way home. Don’t worry though…she’ll buy the next round in order to make up for any confusion.

This is where my frenemy experience ends. I’m sure I’m bound to have many more as I continue on the journey of life. You’d think a girl would learn…

That Would Look Much Cuter on Me

2009-11-18T00:00:00.000-05:00

I am the master of getting things I want.

When I say "things I want" it usually means that I want to get my hands on one of those tshirts that the Bud Light girls are throwing around the bar. Unfortunately, the Bud Light girls never throw a tshirt to me (I knew there was a reason I like the Bacardi girls better). They do however throw a shirt to the guy right next to me.

Me: I wanted one. I can't believe that bee-otch didn't throw me a tshirt...again!
My Super Gay BFF: Tell the guy next to you that you want his.
Me: Would that be mean?
SGBFF: Of course...but who cares?

Me: ::tap on the shoulder:: Excuse me...what's your name?
Tshirt Guy: Who me?
Me: Yes, you! ::giggle::
Tshirt Guy: Mike
Me: Hi, Mike. I'm Ice Queen. I think you should give me that tshirt.
Tshirt Guy: This one? What will I get out of this deal?
Me: Ummm...I have some gum?
Tshirt Guy: I'm kidding. You don't have to give me your gum. Here you go. ::hands tshirt over::

Now that was almost too easy

RTT: Elmo Started a Fire on My Blog

2009-11-17T00:00:00.002-05:00

- My new favorite text:

"IQ, I looked up South Jersey on Facebook and he has the corniest pic sticking his tongue in his young gf's mouth with his perfect gay eyebrows"

...good to know I'm not the only one with a Facebook problem.

- It seems that everyone is upgrading their blogs and making them all fancy. I think I want a fancy blog too. I'm just not sure where to begin or how to do all that coding and designing and stuff. I guess I'll just stick with my plain jane look.

-My new favorite guy quote:

"He said her ass was too big but I didn't think so. I mean, she had a booty but it was tight."

...yeah, I need more girlfriends.

- I wish fishnets were socially acceptable. I wore them with my Halloween costume and I found them to be very flattering. I'm not crazy about my legs but these made them look AMAZING!

-Hottie of the Week: I swear Rob Lowe does not age. I wasn't sure if I should post an old picture or a new picture of him and that's when I realized it. This man made a deal with Lucifer and he made it at the perfect moment in his life...right after "St. Elmo's Fire". All the pictures are the same with different haircuts. That's something you can depend on...yum!
- The lovely Rebel Mother loves my blog! This is a huge honor seeing as how I love her blog (and so should you)! If I follow you, I love your blog too so you can scoop this up. Don't be like me...everytime someone posts that on their blog I get too shy and don't take it. I think something like "Surely, they're refering to everyone but me". In this case, I'm talking to you ;-)

Go ahead...I know you want it.

Check out UnMom for the original Random Tuesday Thoughts

They Haven't Discovered a Big Enough Diamond for Me

2009-11-11T00:00:00.001-05:00

I've honestly lost track of the number of girls my age who have gotten married since high school. I have a serious bone to pick with these chicks! I understand that you found the love of your life and are just chomping at the bit to have at least 3 more of his kids to add to the 2 you already have but enough is enough! Just because you want to play house doesn't mean I have to do it with you.

Every time I run into someone it's the same comments over and over...

"Are you engaged yet?"
"Where's the ring?"
"When's the wedding?"
"When are you going to settle down?"
"When I was your age I was pregnant with baby #2."

I can't take it anymore. Get off me! There are several reasons why I'm not engaged and I feel that they are very well thought out reasons. Allow me to share them with you.

1. I don't know any man in my age bracket who can afford the diamond I want. I've designed several engagement rings that I would like to have and the cheapest one came to about $10,500. I wasn't even that crazy about it once everything was all said and done.

2. I don't want to cook. I can't cook. I don't cook for myself let alone someone else. I'm just not sure if I could live with someone else's growling stomach hanging over my head. I can't deal with the pressure.

3. I don't want a baby. Don't get me wrong...I love kids. I enjoy my friends' babies. I may even babysit them if I'm feeling spicy! I love kids so much that I spent about $100K so that I could become qualified to work with them all day long, but when all is said and done I come home at the end of the day and it's quiet. I like not having to unplug the safety protectors off my outlets when I want to use them. I like knowing that if I drop a book of matches on the floor that I can leave them there until I feel like picking them up. I like being able to go to the mall without lugging a 20lb diaper bag and stroller along with me. I'm a hot mess and for me to have a baby along with it would just be a danger to our nations youth. I don't want to be responsible for ruining the future.

4. I'm still debating between a super expensive glamorous wedding or eloping at a little beach resort. I've been debating this for a long time and I don't plan on deciding anytime soon. A ring on my finger would only push the decision and I would make the wrong choice for the wrong reasons. Why would you want me to live with that?

Don't take this the wrong way. I have no problem with people my age who are married. I know a few that are very happy and they're great together. I'm just saying that it's not for me so don't force it down my throat. Chill with that sh**!

RTT: Enough With the Yankees

2009-11-10T00:00:00.003-05:00

- I was really feeling down because apparently all of my favorite sports teams are crap. However, I've come to the conclusion that the Giants are losing because Eli Manning is jealous of my newfound love for Jensen Ackles. I'd like to see them fight about it...in jello.

- I think I need to stop watching soap operas. I'm obsessed with One Life to Live and I'm beginning to find connections between the show and my real life. I'm not quite sure that's normal. However, Hottie of the Week Alum Matt Walton is on it so I guess I can't complain.

- Hottie of the Week: Robert Buckley from One Tree Hill. He's hot and he's broken. Something about a guy still in love with his dead ex wife makes my heart melt. I just want to fix him...yum!
- The Yankees won the World Series. Woohoo! Now I can finally go back to hating them. The world is normal again. It's clear that New York favors the Yankees over my Mets. It's not right but it's something I've learned to live with. I've already predicted next year's match up.That's right, folks. You heard it here first.

- I worked an overnight last week at the convenience store. I wasn't meant for them. It was pretty terrible. A drunk guy came in. He was about my age and only moderately obnoxious. He told me this whole story about how he works in a doctor's office cleaning up poop for 7.50 an hour. If I were him, I'd probably drink a lot too.

- This lovely award was bestowed upon my lovely blog by the lovely Theresa over at An Officer and a Garbage Can. Perhaps you've seen her in my comments if you haven't seen her blog already. She really is lovely!Passing this one on to...
Crazy Charm
NYC Housewife in Training
Midtown Girl
Martinis or Diaper Genies?
Sweet-Britches

Can't get enough of these random little tidbits I like to call "thoughts"? Check out UnMom for more.

RTT: Team Brenda

2009-11-03T00:20:00.004-05:00

-I hate Maroon 5. I know everyone's really into them and their lyrics speak to so many people, but I really don't give a shit. I don't like Adam Lavigne. I don't think he's hot. I don't like the sound of his voice and to be completely honest with you...I'm 83% convinced he's a total douche.

-Hottie of the Week: Ryan Reynolds. I just saw The Proposal this weekend and couldn't stop thinking of Joanie. I've loved him since "Two Guys, A Girl, and a Pizza Place". Does anyone remember this show? No? That's okay...it wasn't very good. Ryan was the only reason it lasted as long as it did.
Now I realize why she was going on about that shower scene for weeks on end...yum!

-Does anyone watch the new 90210? Kelly Taylor is still a skank. Yeah...I said it. Team Brenda all the way.
- I had an absolutely AMAZING time this weekend meeting up with Otin and MG in the city. I wish we could do it at least once a month. I would also like to mention that Otin is NOT a weirdo. Haha

-I'm really tired of the Facebook statuses that keep saying "miss you baby", "<3 you", and have the date you and your boyfriend hooked up. No one cares that you're in love and you're making me ill.

-I really wish that these damn New York teams would stop allowing the Pennsylvania teams to win! The Yankees are still up but WTF happened to the Giants?!?! I'm not sure what they're defense is doing but they need to pull it the f*** together!

Check out UnMom for the original RTT

Honest Scrap

2009-10-30T23:10:00.003-04:00

This award was bestowed upon me by the super hot Alix at Casa Hice. (She says I'm her hero) I now have to fess up to 10 honest things about myself. This gift was left to me some time ago but I've been having trouble deciding what to write. It's hard to decide what to keep to yourself and what to post on the internet. Anyone else having this problem??

1. I have an irrational fear of birds. (Have I already mentioned this?). I say it is an irrational fear because I have never been attacked by a bird, I've never seen anyone attacked by a bird, and I've never actually seen the Hitchcock film yet whenever I see one I'm almost paralyzed in fear. I don't like their squwak, their feet, or the noise their wings make when they flap. I've cried before because a pigeon was too close to me.

...I also feel the need to mention that I don't hate ducks. In fact, I really enjoy ducks. Go figure.

2. You know those statuses on facebook? Dumb question...of course you all know exactly what I'm talking about. Well, mine is usually a song lyric. I'm not really sure why I do it (we already know I have plenty of my own words). I guess I just find it better to express my inner most emotions through someone else's famous words.

3. When I was in fifth grade, I pulled the fire alarm during lunch and the whole school was evacuated. Everyone showed up. Fire engines, cops, the works. I told my teacher that it was me but it was an accident and the alarm got caught on the back of my jacket while I was leaning up against it. She praised me for being so honest and telling the truth. It was kind of the truth. It was me. I just changed the details.

4. Before the age of digital cameras I used to keep my old film containers and sniff them. I love the smell of a fresh 35mm roll of film. It's simply irresistable. How can it be permissable? It compromised my principle. Yeah yeah yeah... (You liked that right? Robert Palmer song lyrics? I told you I had a problem).

5. I love 80's music. I've said to friends on numerous occassions that I was born 10 years too late. It really saddens me that I missed out on so many great songs when everyone else loved them too. Now when I walk around telling people that when the working day is done girls just wanna have fun, they stare at me funny. Sigh

6. When I sleep, my legs have to be touching something. I need to have a pillow, a chunk of blanket, or the leg of someone else between them. This is not a sexual thing...just comfort.

7. I believe that Yellowcard's "Only One" is one of (if not the) greatest love song of my generation. I was talking with a friend about this the other day and he agreed with me. It's perfect. The video is perfect. I want someone to sing this to me while I slide delicate flowers down gun barrels. There is no way you can argue against how epic this song is. You could try, but you would failAlso, this guy is pretty hot (and I'm not that into blondes).

8. When I was in college my go to soundtrack before a night of partying was New Kids on the Block. Yes, NKOTB rocks my socks! I don't care how old Jordan Knight is. He's still got the right stuff...baby. Love the way you turn me on.

9. It is my opinion that the worst feeling in the entire world is wet socks. Nothing makes me crazier than walking into the bathroom or kitchen and stepping in a puddle of water with my socks on. I need to rip the sock off my foot immediately or I will drive myself insane.

10. When I was student teaching, a teacher said mentioned an artcile that she had read. In this article there was a quote from a high school principal stating that when you are an educator you give up your right to free speech. She told me the thought disgusted her and I'll never forget it because it disgusts me too. I got into a lot of trouble while student teaching for sharing my opinions about people. At first I asked myself, "When did it stop being okay for a college kid to have a hard time?". Now I ask myself, "When did it become okay for an entire group of individuals to be silenced because of the fear of upsetting others?". I love teaching and there's nothing else I would rather do but at the end of the day I'm just a girl trying to make her own way.

Random Tuesday Thoughts: Pick It Up! Damn You!

2009-10-27T15:12:00.008-04:00

- If candy corn were around all year, would it still be just as delicious? I don't think it would be.

- I'm meeting up with Otin and another blogger friend for lunch this weekend and I'm totally pumped! We're going to stalk go see the Optimistic Pessimist run the NYC Marathon. Maybe we'll actually see her. Anyone else want to get in on this?

-Hottie of the Week: Matt Walton. If you live in New Jersey then you know him from the Optimum cable commercial. He's also on the soap One Life to Live right now. He was in a towel a few weeks ago...yum!
-My mother doesn't pick up after the dog. It's disgusting. I get dirty looks everytime I walk him. I feel the need to parade the the bag of crap around and shout to the heavens so people notice that it is not me leaving his presents all over the ground.

-My friend sent me this video and I thought it was hilarious! Hope you enjoy!

-Check out UnMom for the original RTT

Too Young

2009-10-24T00:00:00.001-04:00

Five years ago today my stepsister died of a heroine overdose. She was 19 years old. She fell in with a bad crowd while in high school, dropped out, and became an addict. The last two years of her life she spent trying to get clean. She was working 2 jobs and had even gone back to school. She was sick that Friday morning and had a terrible fight with her mother on top of it. She went out to clear her head and ran into her old crowd. I'm not exactly sure what happened or how it went so far. All I know is that they found her in an empty apartment Saturday morning.

My father called me that Monday morning before I was leaving for school. It was my senior year and all I had on my mind was my routine for the homecoming football game the next weekend. Eat, sleep, practice had been my life. I was speechless when he told me.

I wrote in my journal about it the next week. It was the night before the homecoming game and I couldn't think of anything else but that girl a mere 2 years older than me laying in that casket. I've dreamt about it ever since and still do occasionally. In fact, it was just 2 months ago that I was walking down the street and stopped dead in my tracks when I saw a blond woman about my age. I could have sworn it was her. This is that journal entry.

Dana:
I don't know how to feel about you right now. I know some people think it's silly that I'm so upset because we didn't even talk. Maybe it is silly. For the past four days I've hardly been able to stop thinking about you. I wish I knew what happened. Did you feel alone? Were you scared? Did you go numb? When I went into that room and saw you there I swear I saw your chest move. You're so young. Do you remember we used to play that game with the crystals and the unicorns? You know, the one you had to play the tape with. Do you remember that? There were four colors and four different powers. I wonder now if you ever thought about it when you were alive. Maybe you were looking for something in and you found it buried in the back of your closet. Your mom told me you saw me on the bus a few weeks ago and you were all the way in the back and I just sat in the front. I wish you would have said hi. I can't remember the last time I saw you...but I can't stop thinking about how I woke you up two weeks ago when I called. My friend said that you're in heaven because it wasn't your fault. It wasn't. I can't stop thinking about what would have happened if you didn't go out that night or even went out with your boyfriend instead. Why didn't they just bring you home? Why did you go out if you were sick even Friday morning? You could have stayed home with my daddy and watched movies. He would have watched a movie with you if you asked him to. It's hard for me to think that I was at a football game and you were so sick...and then I was practicing and you were four blocks away dying. I asked my friend if she thought you were in heaven and she told me that God knows that it wasn't your fault and He let you in. I think she's right. I think you made my daddy remember me. He forgot about me for a little while but he remembers me now. I'm sorry for being selfish. You don't even have a daddy anymore. He doesn't even know your gone. I just want you to know that I think of you and I won't forget you and that I'll remember you as you were when we played that game and not how you were last week. I'll miss you.

I swear I'll never forget her.

Single in the City

2009-10-21T00:00:00.000-04:00

I'm traveling to Manhattan today. Midtown to be specific.

Come join me at this Chickey's place.

RTT: Awards and Hotties. What's Not To Like?

2009-10-20T00:00:00.000-04:00

- I still really miss my bunny but I want to thank all of you for your emails and comments. It made me feel a lot better.

-My dog is done with his butt spray! He's still finishing up his meds but I don't have wrestle him anymore. Thank the Lord!

-What happened to you, Eli? Were you sad because I couldn't make it to the game? I told you I was sorry. I'll never let it happen again. That was embarassing for the entire Tri-state area. I know the Saints are a good team...but that was too much. Get that team together, Eli!

- I've decided to incorporate the hottie of the week into RTT. I think it's random enough to do so. This week...Jensen Ackles. I just can't get over him.

- I've been asked by Midtown Girl to do a guest spot for her single in the city series. Watch out for that sometime this week. I'm very excited about it. =)

-Speaking of Midtown Girl...she gave me an award. It's the Circle of Friends Award.
I never know who to pass awards onto. It seems that when I get an award from someone, the people I want to pass it on to already have it. I'm passing this award on to everyone I follow. I follow you, you follow me...that makes us friends in my book. You guys are the best.

Check out UnMom

God Bless Waffle

2009-10-16T10:53:00.008-04:00

Otin left a comment on my post that mentioned something about me having pet trouble. Well it continued. My bunny died last night and I miss him very much. I wanted to post something in his honor so I decided to recycle a little something I wrote earlier in the year. It's cute, funny, and will give you a glimpse of the friendly bunny Waffle really was.

(Before anyone flips out trying to say that I "stole" this, I want to tell you that this was on my old blog. I wrote it and yes...that was me.)

...................................................

I have a rabbit and I love him dearly. He is the joy of my life and he's kind of like my little child (since I don't know what it's like to have real children).

That's my darling Waffle and my sister when he was just a baby bunny and we thought he was a girl. About a year or so ago I was feeding him and noticed that he had something near his bottom. "Oh, Waffle! You have poop stuck to your butt!" It was not poop. It turned out that Waffle was not a she but a he.

Since then I've come to accept the fact that he is a boy. If I had known this in the beginning I would have named him Thumper, but that's okay.

It turns out that I should have named him Thumper because he has this habit that he's picked up since going through his bunny puberty...

He humps...A LOT!

I always used to tell people how friendly my pet bunny was. He used to go up to people so they could pet him and he would snuggle on their laps and such. Now he has become a little too friendly. I let him out of his cage so he can run around and he chases me around the room. I tell him, "Waffle, this is disgusting! I am your mother!" He doesn't listen.

This is him eyeing up my roommates ankle.

She had no idea what she was in for.

He spots something he likes...he sniffs a little.
He likes what he sees. He likes what he smells. He's gonna go for it.

He may be a sexed crazed bunny...but he's my bunny and I still love him.

.......................................................

Here are some more pictures of Waffle.

Playing hide and seek

Lounging
Exploring his new homeI will miss my bunny.

We're Going to Need Another Bucket

2009-10-15T08:00:00.000-04:00

Vet Lady: Hello?
Me: Hello. I brought my dog in yesterday and he was put on some medication for an allergy. He lost control of his bladder.
VL: Are you using puppy pads?
Me: Not in the past 5 years or so. He's 6. He usually holds it and goes outside like every other dog.
VL: Oh, so what happened?
Me: I just told you. He's flooding the kitchen.
VL: Does this happen often?
Me: No! That's why I'm calling you (MORON). I need to know if this is a side effect of the medication or if there's something seriously wrong with the dog.
VL: Well what is he on.
Me: .... and.....
VL: Oh...I'm not familiar with those.

............

Awkward Silence

...........

Me: WELL I THINK YOU SHOULD GO FIND OUT!
VL: Please hold....

...............

VL: He should be okay. The doctor says it's the medication.

Well thank you very much. As long as my dog isn't dying. I guess I'll just clean up the pond on my kitchen floor then...as soon as our butt spray wrestling match is over.

I feel like a WARNING would have been appropriate.

You Wouldn't Be This Excited if You Knew Where You Were Going...

2009-10-14T08:00:00.002-04:00

It all started with my mother (as most of these things do) mentioning it to me the other day.

"The dog has been biting at his butt a lot. I think you should take a look."

Always me. I'm the one who has to look at the dog's butt.

Picture this if you will, a twenty something chasing her 72lb black lab/border collie mix around the house for a butt check while my mother sits at the kitchen table quietly giggling to herself.

Turns out he had scabs on him so we took him to the vet. The dog gets super excited about it because he has no idea what he's in for. He just loves riding in that car! On the way over my mother fills me in on a dog we once had with fleas. Apparently my sister and I had little flea bites all over our bodies...I must have blocked it from my memory.

Luckily, the dog didn't have fleas. However, the vet came to the conclusion that at one point he had a flea. That's right, ONE FLEA. This flea apparently caused an allergic reaction that caused his "sensitive skin" to dry out, itch, and now he has these self inflicted scabs on his butt.

All of this resulted in a cortizone shot, an antibiotic, an antihistamine of some sort, and butt spray.

Yes, you read that correctly. Butt spray.

Guess who gets to chase the dog around the house and wrestle him to the ground twice a day to spray his butt. I'll give you a hint...me.

Although I guess that's a good thing for him seeing as how the vet recommends he lose 5lbs. My mom didn't think 5lbs was a big deal until I pointed out the fact that 5lbs is almost 10% of his body weight.

Dog losing 5lb = me losing 12-15lbs.

Someone needs to tell this dog that he is not a person and therefore is not covered by health insurance. This little visit cost $242. We thought about getting dog insurance but I'm sure if we did then nothing would happen to him ever again. Isn't that how these things work? What this dog needs is a job. If anyone's looking for a fluffy, chubby, dog for a commercial or anything drop me a line. Although I will warn you that he's a bit of a diva.

Random Tuesday Thoughts: Where's My Hot Robin Hood?

2009-10-13T00:00:00.000-04:00

- I've been slacking a little on my blog reading. I've been distracted by weddings and stealing boyfriends that I haven't been able to get on too often. I'm excited to get back.

- I saw an interview with Russel Crow on the set of the new "Robin Hood" movie. Are you serious? Isn't Russel Crow a little old for Robin Hood? What were they thinking. I have no interest in seeing this movie. There's nothing in it for me. They should have gotten this guy for the role.
Yeah...Jensen Ackles. Yum!

- This picture has inspired me to do a new blog theme about my favorite celebrity hotties. Would anyone be interested in joining or should I just grow up? Please be honest. You won't offend me.

- Jon Gosselin needs to get over himself. At this point, I don't know who to believe. I know I don't trust Jon. He's just got a shady look about him. I'm still debating how I feel about Kate.

- I haven't figured out who the stalker is but I'm going to make an assumption. There's really only one person it could be. It's Mrs. Eli Manning. She's found me out. It's the only logical explanation.

- I changed all of my passwords, but now I can't remember what any of them are. I have a note on my desk with all of them written down.

- I kind of want to train my dog to use a litter box so he doesn't have to be walked in the morning. It's getting chilly and I don't have a thick fur coat like he does.

- I need to buy some clothes because the ones I have don't fit. I can take off most of my jeans without undoing the button. It makes me feel good...but they look kind of silly and it appears that I don't have a butt.

- I went to the most amazing all you can eat rib joint this weekend. Big Ed's in Old Bridge, NJ. If you're in the area you need to go! It's worth it.
Check out UnMom for the original RTT

Hacker Update: Is Your Boyfriend Even Attractive??

2009-10-11T10:40:00.003-04:00

I received word from the hacker. I finally got back into my gmail but my school email and facebook were still locked up. I login to gmail to see if I got anything from facebook to fix the problem and to my surprise I got an email from myself.

From myself? I didn't email me? It was from my school email. You know, the one I'm locked out of. Well appparently I'm not locked out at all because I'm sending myself messages. The message subject was labeled "ummm"

That's right. "ummm" All lower case and 3 m's. This is going to be interesting. It reads...

"....... is the pass to ur skool mail. u have a bf so leave mine alone"

WTF?!?!?!

I replied back "WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU AND WHO THE FUCK IS YOUR BOYFRIEND?!?!" I also wanted to add something along the lines of "how old r u that u don kno how to spel or use big letters like a grownup????", but resisted the urge.

I'm afraid I will never really find out who Psycho Bitch's boyfriend is. I really want to know. I feel like someone should warn him. I'm thinking that he's messing around on her and somehow she thinks it's with me. Although there's a very good possibility that she is confusing me with someone else.

The lesson here? If you want someone to stay away from your boyfriend, you may want that person to know who you are. That way they'll also know who your boyfriend is. I don't know who to stay away from. You solved nothing except to point out the fact that you're crazy to a complete stranger.

Does anyone know a way to figure out who the hell this is??? The curiosity is going to kill me before my next chance to go after her boyfriend.

How About I Hack You In the Face?!

2009-10-10T14:31:00.004-04:00

Dear Hacker,

Congratulations! You have officially pissed me the hell off! I know I know you because it all adds up. You have locked me out of my facebook, main gmail, and even my college email address. You knew enough that my college and gmail are the same which leads me to believe that you either went to college with me and knew that you could look me up in the data base or you were my facebook friend at the very least.

Then I needed to ask myself, "Who is a big enough loser that they would actually take the time to do this?" That really narrowed it down for me.

What happened to the days when people used to make people's lives miserable by doing something like...oh I don't know...writing profanities on their car when you know very well that person will have to get her car washed before student teaching Monday morning? (The kids would have been asking me what that word was on my car, and "slut" isn't that hard to sound out.)

I just find it sad that you have nothing better to do with your life than hack into my accounts. It sounds like you need to get yourself laid...and fast. Trust me, it will make you feel less hostile and hopefully you'll forget all about me living my own little life far, far away from you.

Thanks,
The Ice BITCH

------------------------------

Dear Readers,

Don't be surprised if I'm not on for a while. I may or may not have just outted myself and this email will be the next to go.

Signed,
Your Funny Friend =)

Douchery 101

2009-10-09T12:00:00.000-04:00

A guy friend of mine is having lady problems. He's convinced that his only option is to become a douche. He's really working hard to achieve his goal. With the help of some of my friends, we've compiled a sort of cheat sheet for him to go off of.

1. Make sure to have a lame ass nickname for your Civic. Preferably something out of a Will Ferrell movie.

2. Dress up like this guy for Halloween

3.Tell the girl that even though you have football tickets you're not going to go because you feel really bad that you messed up her ticketmaster password and couldn't get them for her too. Then make sure to take off work on Saturdays and attend every game without her. (Just because it's your fault she doesn't have tickets doesn't mean you shouldn't enjoy your own.) Be sure to brag later about how awesome it was.

4. Make sure to tell her how much hotter her roommate is than her.

5. Have automatic locks installed in her car for a Christmas gift this year.

6. If she's throwing up, make sure she actually hits the heater and burns her side when you push her over so you can have the toilet to yourself.

7. Keep your phone hidden at all times and make it really obvious that you're hiding it. If she doesn't mention anything about it just give her time. If that doesn't work then make sure to chuckle to yourself when reading a text. When she asks what you're laughing about respond with something like, "What's your issue?" or "Nothing".

8. Always remember Nothing>Madden

No, I Will Not Date You. Have a Nice Day!

2009-10-07T23:44:00.004-04:00

My part time cashier position has brought on many creepers. So far I've been asked out 4 times. I try to tell myself that I should be flattered that these men find me so attractive but it just creeps me out. Getting asked out by another 20 something is one thing, being hit on my men who are my father's age is another story.

I find this particularly creepy because I've been told I have a baby face. Some men come into the store and ask me which school I go to. I respond that I graduated and they ask me from which high school. At least these men aren't the ones who ask me out.

Case #1:
(I'm outside smoking a cig and minding my own business. Creeper #1 walks up to me. He's approx. 40ish.)

Creeper 1: What's up?
Me: Nothing (not asking the question back and not making eye contact)
Creeper: You're pretty tan. Do you go down the shore a lot?
Me: Sometimes
Creeper: Where do you usually go?
Me: Different places (not naming those places)
Creeper: Ever go to Belmar?
Me: I've been there (not admitting that I go there all the time)
Creeper: I have a house down there. You should come down and party.
Me: Sir (stressing the fact that he is too old for me), I don't even know you. No.

Case #2:
(This one was semi legitimate as this guy was 20 something. He just had nothing else going for him. I'm ringing people up and he comes up in my line.)

Dude My Age: What's up?
Me: Nothing much.

DMA begins to chat with me about where I went to school and what I do for a living. I then move over to the coffee center to make more and he follows me. It was not until this point that I realized he was hitting on me and unfortunately it was already too late.

DMA: What time do you usually work until?
Me: Sometime in the afternoon (not specifying the exact time).
DMA: We should get some coffee.
Me: I have to run when I get out.
DMA: Oh what are you up to? (DMA has officially been classified as Creeper #2)
Me: I have a party at my friend's house....in EB.

Successfully turned down Creeper #2. However, I find it important to point out that the next time Creeper #2 came into the store he quizzed me on the party I attended, hence confirming the fact that he is a creeper.

Case #3:
(This guy is a regular. He comes into the store at least once a day and is aprox. 40ish.)

Creeper #3: Hey, Ice Queen. (He actually called me by my real name because we're forced to wear name tags which only makes these men creepier.)
Me: Hello. (Continuing to ring up his items and give him his total. Not making eye contact.)
Creeper #3: We should go out sometime. (Not wasting anytime with small talk)
Me: ::laugh:: (I honestly thought he was kidding...until I turned around and he was handing me a card with his number on it). Oh! Sir, no! I can't.
Creeper #3: Okay then. (Makes a sad face and leaves...hasn't been back since)

Case #4:
(This guy is also aprox 40ish and at this point I'm beginning to see a pattern. This is the first time I've seen him and he is buying a breakfast sandwich at about 7:30 on a Sunday morning. It's too early for me to comprehend anything.)

Creeper #4: Do you like your job?
Me: This one? No. My real job? Yes.
Creeper 4: I understand. I work two jobs too. I work for BMW during the week and for the Statute of Liberty on the weekends.
Me: That's cool. (not making eye contact)
Creeper 4: Have you ever been in the Statue?
Me: No
Creeper: You should come sometime. Let me know when you come.

He then hands me two tickets to get into the Statue of Liberty. This put me in a pickle. I've never been in the Statue and I really want to go, so I took the tickets. Will I let him know when I go? Absolutely not. Will I bring someone my own age? Absolutely. If he had offered a BMW...then maybe we could have worked something out.

Random Tuesday Thoughts: Why, Mets? Why?

2009-10-06T00:00:00.005-04:00

1. "Smallville". I cannot believe this show is still on. I cannot name a single person I know who watches this show. How did it last so long? It is officially the hidden secret of the CW network. Who knew?

2. I had that people feed meter thingy on here for a few days. The one that tells you who's looking at your site and where they're coming from. It made me realize that there are a lot more people who know about this little treasure than I thought. That made me nervous and I even got a little creeped out so I took it down. Thanks for reading, Stalkers! =)

3. Everytime I try to download a new NKOTB song it gets corrupted. Why? The other 600 songs I downloaded illegally are fine. What does my iTunes have against my New Kids on the Block?

4. My partime job as a clerk has taken a turn for the worse. We got pumpkin loaves in for the fall and they were amazing but now we're not getting anymore. What's up with that?

5. If the tolls continue to go up I will no longer be able to afford to drive in my beloved state. I know you love me, New Jersey, so why are you doing this to me? Don't you want to keep me?

6. The greatest thing about New York is that when your team doesn't make it (again), there's always another team to root for. Having said this, I've decided to support the New York Yankees.

7. At least I was raised to like a good football team. The Giants are the best team in the NFL.

8. I'm going to be Rainbow Brite for Halloween. When you lose 50 lbs. you have to take advantage of it. I won't have this body forever.

9. "Flashforward" is the best new show on tv.

10. I had the Cowboys to win this weekend. It's official....Tony Romo cannot do anything right.

11. I've been getting the urge to shop recently and I'm fighting it with all of my might. I've been saving for a while and I'm just not used to seeing these numbers. I'm hopefully buying a new car by the end of the month. "New" in the sense that it's new to me!

12. Why can't the Mets just be good?!?!

13. Everywhere I look people are getting married. How can anyone even afford to get married? I can't afford to rent a shoe box for an apartment. I wish we all had rich parents.

14. I am so tired of Jon Gosselin! He's a douche. Kate isn't much better. This is what reality tv does to people! He only left her $1,000. I wish someone only left me $1,000. I don't think I've ever had $1,000 in a checking account. Get over yourselves!

15. I'm thinking about joining the gym for that dollar sale. Although I'm pretty sure I have to buy a one year membership and I'm not sure if I'm ready for that kind of commitment.

16. I found this and thought it was pretty funny. I'm sure a lot of us have been there.

Check out the original RTT: UnMom

Wake Up, Chickey!

2009-10-05T09:10:00.006-04:00

Dear Taylor Swift,

Cute song, but really? You're in love with the guy next door who already has a girlfriend and you're very sad because if he could only realize that the two of you belong together...

Bladdity blah blah blah.

It's a classic story, Taylor. We've all been there. That's not what makes it sad. What makes it sad is the fact that you're wasting your time singing about this douche. I got news for you. That head cheerleader he's always hanging around with (with the high heels and short skirt) is hot. He likes it. They all do. The sooner you realize this the more pain you will save yourself from in the end.

Maybe instead of waiting for this guy to notice you and your music in the next door window you could take some tips from her. You've got a cute little shape. Show it off a little. Understanding his humor and liking his music is only going to keep you in the friend zone. If he hasn't noticed you for these things before then he's not going to suddenly wake up one day and realize that he loves you. You need to get his attention, then after a while you can point out all the things you have in common to keep him interested. It might work then.

Lust before love, my friend.

Sincerely,
Older and Wiser

P.S. Guys are totally over blondes...brunettes are much hotter =)

The BENNY Would Like a Word...

2009-10-02T00:05:00.003-04:00

The first time I heard this phrase was a few years ago. I was in Atlantic City visiting a friend from High School when her rich, college boyfriend called me a BENNY. For those of you who aren't from the great state of New Jersey, allow me to enlighten you...

BENNY:

Acronym used to describe people who visit the jersey shore only in the summer time. Stands for Bayonne, Elizabeth, Newark, and New York, which are the places bennys come from. The typical benny is usually pretty easy to spot. White or orange from fake tan in a can, jeans in the 110 degree weather. Chains, sneakers, socks, even heels at the beach; annoying people who take up locals parking beach and living spaces.

Go Home Bennys..locals only.

(Definition courtesy of urbandictionary.com)...yeah that should show you how legitimate this term is.

Incident 2 was this past summer with a friend from the great state of Pennsylvania. His sister had recently moved to Elizabeth, NJ and she had apparently mentioned something to him about being a BENNY. I explained to him what it meant as he (being from Pennsylvania) had no clue.

Incident 3 was also this summer when an acquaintance (I use that term loosely) from Middletown, NJ called me one. I knew it was a joke but I did not realize that Mr. Middletown was actually afraid of me for this reason.

I need to clear some things up so these shore kids can get over themselves.

1. I have never "pumped my fist". None of my friends have ever "pumped their fists". However, I know plenty of college frat boys who are from down the shore who do (and some from Staten Island).

2. I have never worn socks with my sandals. My father, however, has. No, he's not even a real BENNY. He's from Maywood.

3. I have never worn heels on the beach.

4.When was the last time it was 110 degrees at the Jersey Shore?? Not anytime you can recall.

5. I do not drive a Honda or Accura.

I can't think of any other state in this country who has so much rivalry among residents. It's bad enough that the rest of the country thinks we're ridiculous. Let's not prove them right. Can't we all just get along?

Theme Song Thursday: Out Tonight

2009-10-01T08:00:00.003-04:00

Okay, so I stole this one too. This was the baby of Crazy Charm. She stopped doing it though and I decided to give it life. I think that makes it a legit adoption.

I've been a little bummed this week about my horoscope. It's completely boring. Virgo horoscope always talks about organizing and getting things done because apparently that's the only thing we're good at. I'm good at lots of other things and believe it or not those things are much more fun than balancing my checkbook.

This is for all the other fun Virgos out there.

(This video is only lyrics but it was sadly the best sound quality I found. Sorry.)

Wedding Bells

2009-09-30T08:00:00.002-04:00

My uncle is 55 and has been living the bachelor lifestyle for quite some time. My dad called me a few months ago asking for my address so that Uncle Ed could send me a wedding invitation. What? Why? I'm convinced this wedding took place for financial reasons because after 10 years of living together why fix what's not broken.

On the way to the wedding my sister and I were discussing the bouquet. I am determined to catch a bouquet damnit! It actually has nothing to do with the whole getting married part...I just want the attention of being the young, hot single who caught the bouquet. Is that wrong? I don't think so. Luckily my sister has no interest in drawing large amounts of attention to herself, so we came up with the plan of her pulling a volleyball-type serve over to me if the flowers were heading in her direction. Sweet.

We pulled up in my 2002 Hyundai Accent among all the other BMW's, Mercedes, and Lincolns. My date thought he would be funny. "Maybe we should have taken my car..." he says with a chuckle to himself. Yeah, because your Toyota Corolla certainly would have caused some jaws to drop.

We got inside and we were waiting to go in for the ceremony and there was a bar available. I liked the idea of that. I went over to the bar thinking about what I should start the evening with. "A nice glass of a good ass kicking red", I thought to myself. Then a little sign caught my attention.

A cash bar will be open for your enjoyment before your event.

Cash bar??? I immediately went into a panic. I assumed this would be open bar since my uncle is a bartender. I literally had $4 in my clutch and that was for the vallet and my toll home. As I really begin to worry about where my cheerfulness will come from this evening my cousin steps up behind me.

"This better be an open bar. He's a bartender....cash bar would be so tacky."

At least I wasn't the only one thinking it.

Luckily once cocktail hour began the cash bar became open. Praise the Lord. I was looking around at the guests and quickly noticed something...we (my sister and the rest of the cousins) were the youngest people there by at least 20 years. There was no bouquet being thrown. If they had, it would have been me, my sister, and my two cousins on the dance floor waiting to fight to the death to catch this thing. Actually, that's a lie. My sister had already agreed to send it my way and my two cousins are 17 and 12. I wouldn't have had any competition. It wouldn't have been exciting...just sad. What's worse is that if they tossed the garter then it would have been between my father and my date. I don't even have to say it...I'm sure you can already imagine the horror.

Instead they played the anniversary dance. All the married couples got on the dance floor to compete for a very pricey bottle of champagne. One by one the DJ called them down by how long they had been married

Less than 5 years...

Less than 10 years...

No on on that dance floor had been married for less than 25 years. The couple who won had been married for a whopping 48 years. They got married the year my mother was born. That's certainly something to brag about.

My aunt was actually the one to say what everyone else was thinking..."This is by far the oldest wedding I've ever been to".

Well said, Aunt Beanie.

Random Tuesday Thoughts

2009-09-29T00:00:00.002-04:00

-My mom made me some chicken on her George Foreman. It was delicious. It then occurred to me that when I was living on my own we had a George Foreman in the apartment and I never touched it. I think I totally could have grilled some chicken. It looks pretty easy.

-When I left for work this morning there was frost on my car. Frost! Really?

-Am I the only one on the planet who hasn't seen "The Hangover"? This is pathetic. I need to see it so I can stop taking the "one man wolf pack" out of context. (Who says that???)

-Is it rude to unfriend someone on facebook? Would that person find out? I guess it's not that big of a deal but I'm just tired of seeing dumb status updates (i.e. THE ONE MAN WOLF PACK).

-Text of the day: "I was this close to having sex last night....FOILED AGAIN!"

-I went to my uncle's wedding this weekend. It was by far the oldest wedding ever. I think I'm going to write a whole post about it.

-There are so many good shows on tv now that I don't have time to watch them all! I hope at least 2 of them end up being crappy.

-I drove my sister to her Philadelphia college yesterday in my Eli Manning jersey. I got a lot of dirty looks. I really wanted to turn to one of those Eagles fans and whisper ever so lightly "How does it feel to have never won a Super Bowl?".

-Does anyone know how to clean a George Foreman? Maybe the UnMom knows.

Theme Song Thursday: Please Read

2009-09-24T07:16:00.004-04:00

Unfortunately a tragedy happened this weekend. At my college a young student passed away. After a night of partying, he headed home but he never made it. He was missing for almost two days until he was found in a stairwell. He died of alcohol poisoning.

I didn't know him. I don't know anyone who knew him but (as a friend of mine put it) that doesn't make it any less tragic.

If you're in college or if you have kids in college please show this to them or talk to them about this. He was obviously okay enough that his friends let him go home alone and he made it most of the way. Sometimes things happen and they get out of control. I remember being underage and avoiding anything that would result in me getting caught drinking but this could have been avoided. Please listen to your gut. If you have a bad feeling then call someone. I don't care if you leave your friend on the sidewalk and call 911 from inside a car parked across the street. If you think someone needs to go to the hospital then THEY NEED TO GO. My sister is still in college and I can't even fathom the thought of something like this happening to her.

The point of going to college is to secure your future and prepare for life. MAKE SURE YOU GET THERE.

This is for Joe.

There's No Cooked Food Here! What Do I Do??

2009-09-23T09:45:00.000-04:00

My sister recently left to return to school. I was really excited about her leaving. This is my first time being without her since her birth, 2 months before my 3rd birthday. I'm not really sure what to do with myself. It's the little things really. Like when I get home from the store at night and she calls down to me and waves from the window.

And the other morning when I got hungry...

I'm usually a Cheerios kind of girl because that's about as far as my culinary expertise can carry me. I ran out of Cheerios. Usually my sister has her Wheaties in there but my mom stopped buying them since she's been gone. I opened the fridge to find eggs. I didn't know what to do so I did the only thing I thought of.

I called my mom.

Momma: Yes?
Me: I don't have any Cheerios left and it's too early to make mac and cheese.
Momma: I told you there were eggs in the fridge.
Me: I know. I see them.
Momma: So make them.
Me: ........
Momma: Please tell me you're joking...

I don't know how to make eggs. I can hard boil them but that takes so much time. With the timer, and then waiting for them to cool, and then the peeling. I never peel them right either! I take most of the egg off with the shell and that's too much work for one little egg! I just can't be bothered. My sister always made my eggs for me. She made them so fluffy. She put cheese in them too if she was in a good mood. She also made me toast and buttered it perfectly.

I could probably make myself some toast but I never give the butter enough time to warm up. It's always too hard when I put it on and it just rips the toast. It's so sad.

What did I do?

I did what anyone would do.

I put on my shoes and took a stroll down the block to Dunkin Donuts.

Random Tuesday Thoughts

2009-09-22T00:06:00.009-04:00

Before I begin let me just say that it has come to my attention that the UnMom was the first to create the Random Tuesday Thoughts. It's has become so popular that I never really knew who started it and I'm afraid I have not been giving her the proper credit she deserves. Please forgive me.

Here we go...

- There's a couple who comes into my store all the time. They're probably in their late teens. The guy is a total douche. He's always making comments to this girl and throwing things on the counter for her to pay for. I really want to tell her she can do better but he's always standing right there!

- It's so funny to see babies all dressed up in sports gear. You know they really don't give a crap who wins. Your sports team is something that you're born into. When I was young I used to root for the team who had the prettiest colors or the coolest mascot. I considered myself to be a Miami Dolphins fan.

-Why do I always pick the wrong lane at the toll booth. I'm always behind the one who needs detailed directions to Canada. Come on people! Buy a map and pull over!

-I hate the brown paper towels they give us to use at school. It's just paper! It doesn't absorb anything. If they spent the money on real ones I wouldn't have to use so many. Surely it would even out.

-Have you seen the new mouse traps that hold the mouse inside the thing so you don't see it once it's captured. It's like a little dome of death. If you can't see the mouse inside then how do you know if one is in there? Do you have to pick it up and kind of give it a little shake to see if there's anything inside? If you do that, what happens if the mouse isn't dead yet and then you feel and hear it squirming around inside for a last chance at life? The thought of it creeps me out.

-Have you ever seen the dating commercials where the chick is riding the horse and she goes, "I'm just a 'goof' looking for my 'ball'."? Who the hell says shit like that? I think that's a surefire way to not get a date.

-I wish facebook would stop recommending I be friends with Hailey Glassman. Why would I want to be her friend? I don't know her. I'm not one of those crazies who like being "friends" with celebrities. I prefer to be friends with people I actually know.

-Friends don't let friends date guys who write "tends to think of himself of a one-man wolfpack" as their facebook status.

Take That, Romo

2009-09-21T09:13:00.006-04:00

Dear Tony Romo,

How does it feel to be you right now? Sure, you got a touchdown. I'll give you that much. But, how did it feel to lose in your brand new stadium to Eli Manning? Not very good I would imagine.

I guess good old "W" didn't do much for you by tossing the coin, did he? I'm sure you can blame the loss on his presence. I would.

They tell me that those huge screens they put in weigh the same as a jet. A jet! They're really nice. Eli looked amazing on them.

I realize you had a rough night and that you're probably feeling a little down that you lost on your big opening night but it's hard to feel bad for you after the way you treated my Jessica Simpson. She's too good for you, Tony. Too good for you and your beady eyes. Seriously, dude. They creep me out.

You just stay there in Dallas all crawled up like a baby in your new stadium. You and your douchebag team deserve each other.

Sincerely,
The Second Mrs. Manning

Missing: Jersey

2009-09-18T08:00:00.002-04:00

When I was in high school the star of our football team got a full ride to the same Big Ten school as me. My GPA was much higher than his but they made me pay for the education...bastards. Everyone made a big deal about him going and there were posters for my new college all over my high school.

I felt a little left out and was a little bitter about it but eventually got over it. For my 20th birthday day, my evil roommate (who was not so evil at the time) bought me high school football star's Jersey. It was a white and had his 5 on it. It was speciallly made because the kid wasn't a big name at the time and I was the only one who knew who he was.

I wore that jersey to all the games and still have it for when I make my trips up during the fall but now I can't find it. It didn't get burnt in the fire because I remember seeing it afterward while we were cleaning out the house. I'm worried it may have been damaged and my sister got rid of it. I loved that jersey and it really meant a lot to me. This jersey was all about where I was from. It was the only thing that represented my hometown and my college life all in one and that's something that most people don't have.

So, as I'm packing up for my weekend trip I'm still trying to look for my jersey. I'm actually contemplating getting a new one but I'm afraid it won't be ready for the game tomorrow. If not then I guess a t shirt will have to do. Hopefully I don't jinx my old high school chum.

UPDATE: I FOUND THE JERSEY! I'M READY FOR TAILGATING

Theme Song Thursday

2009-09-17T00:00:00.002-04:00

I'm heading back to college to visit some friends this weekend and I wanted a song that would have something to do with that. I wanted to share one of the awesome videos of my school and the football games but I fear that if I do so I would be running the risk of losing my anonymity (which may or may not have been lost already).

So I thought about it...

...and thought some more.

And decided...

...that I couldn't do it.

BUT...

I'm leaving you with this instead. I thought it was pretty funny. Unfortunately this was the attitude I had in college...it didn't last long. This kid is in for a rude awakening.

Second order of business...I wrote a blog that's scheduled to be posted tomorrow. It's about condoms. I'm afraid it might be too much. While there are no details of previous experience, there is reference. As anonymous as I try to be, I fear that I have become a little lax in my posts and comments. I've gotten in trouble for my thoughts before and I don't want it to happen again. My first entry pretty much explains how I felt about the whole thing.

I guess what I'm trying to ask is...what's the cost of blogging freely? Did I give up my rights when I decided to go into education? Some would say I did, in fact some have already told me I did. What do you think about this?

Share the Love

2009-09-15T09:00:00.001-04:00

Dear Eli,

You know that I am completely in love with you, yes? Good, because there's something I need to discuss with you.

I assure you that I will continue to watch all of your games and record the ones that I am not there for. My Sunday status updates and tweets will continue to be all about you and the rest of the New York Giants. However, now that the fall season has started I must dedicate my Tuesday nights to James Lafferty on One Tree Hill.In all fairness, you are married to someone else. Once you decide to go through with that divorce we can renegotiate, but until then I need to keep my options open.

I hope you can understand.

Love always,
Your Future Second Wife

Ode to September

2009-09-14T13:48:00.005-04:00

I've been thinking about this a lot recently and I've decided that September is officially the greatest month of the year. Why? I've compiled a list.

1. September was the month during which the world was blessed with the birth of a future queen. Me. Since I was 10 I was encouraged to take the entire month of September to celebrate my birthday and have been doing so ever since.

2. September is the month during which my husband begins his season. It's hard with him traveling for his away games but when you're the highest paid quarterback in the NFL you have to make some sacrifices. It's a good thing we're so in love.

3. September is also the start of college football. I'm not a huge fan of college football but I am a fan of my Alma Mater. It's sometimes tough being the alumni of a Big Ten university but I manage. Why? Because we need each other. It also helps that my college is in the middle of the mountains and the ride up there is the most breathtaking thing ever. I'm planning a trip for next week and I'm hoping the leaves are changed enough that I can get some good pics. If not then I'll have to go up there again to show you all photos.

4. I love the change of the seasons. I enjoy summer but towards the end I am ready for a break. I get bored easily and eventually the air conditioner smell starts to give me a headache.

5. I've also decided the September is the prettiest sounding month. I think the "b" is key. September. septemBer. Beautiful.

Still the Greatest

2009-09-11T11:20:00.004-04:00

I had just started high school and was walking into my honors biology class for my first major test. The windows here open and we had a view of the towers. Someone (I can't remember who) caught the first glimpse, stood up, and walked silently over to the window. The rest of us followed as the smoke billowed into the air and began to cover the cloudless sky.

As we stood there the second plane flew in and crashed into the second tower. We saw it hit and the smoke continue to collect. To this day I can't describe the feeling of that moment. Confusion, sadness, anger. I don't know how long we stood at that window but I remember watching the first building fall as if it were a stack of blocks.

The vice principal came into the room and asked if anyone had family working in New York. My friend silently walked from the window and left with him. Her aunt worked in the South tower but had been running late for work and was now stuck in traffic in one of the tunnels.

As the day went on every classroom had the news on. If there was no tv then the class was moved to a nearby room that had one. Every twenty minutes or so names of students were called over the loudspeaker to report to the office. Parents were coming in by the dozen to pick up their kids.

We had the next day off from school and by that morning my own town was covered in a smog. Dust from the debris carried over across the river into the small ghost town. Everyone was affected on that day but it was different here. Watching it not on the tv, but from the window of Mr. Degnan's bio class.

I see that skyline everyday on my way home and while it's still the greatest city in the world, it just isn't the same without them.

God Bless.

I'm Back

2009-09-11T09:02:00.002-04:00

It's been a very long time but I finally have a computer. That means that I will be returning to my posts. It's been and I'm afraid that I'm a little out of my writing mode so I'm working on some posts now.

Since I skipped my theme song yesterday I thought I would share this little clip with you. Perhaps some of you remember it. I certainly don't, but it's famous. Why am I sharing this clip with you? Because tomorrow is my birthday! Happy Birthday to me!

Theme Song Thursday

2009-09-03T00:00:00.000-04:00

I'm hoping that I can get in some form over the next week. We moved into the new place and things are still hectic but finally on their way back to normal.

I picked this song because when I heard it on the radio it actually made me stop for a second to smile. I think it's one of the cutest songs I've heard in a while. Almost makes you sing it to someone special...almost.

Theme Song Thursday

2009-08-27T17:11:00.002-04:00

I'm hoping to get back into my groove at some point. I no longer have a computer so if I get on it's at a friend's house here and there. I'm trying to still read blogs at the very least because I'll go insane if I lose touch with the blogosphere. I'm not sure when I'll get a computer again because there are so many other things I need (bed, couch, my car fixed since that broke on top of everything else). I'm going to continue my theme song Thursdays because I am still here. Maybe only half way...but still here.

Theme Song Thursday and Fire Update

2009-08-20T00:00:00.002-04:00

This song makes me feel better when things aren't going very well.

We got a call from the landlord today. The damage is very severe and the house won't be finished for months. We have to move. We don't know where we're going to go and we have very little furniture left. Our kitchen was destroyed so we don't have a refrigerator and my mother's bed was destroyed. We're looking for a place now and we're praying that we can find a place that will let us keep the dog. I think I would die if I lost my dog. I'm hoping that we can find something.

Random Thoughts...and Some Bad News

2009-08-18T19:36:00.000-04:00

-It really pisses me off when people change their names on Facebook. You didn't legally change you're name. I'm not sure what makes you think it's cute to leave off your first name and just have your middle and last name on there. I don't frigging know what your middle name is. I'm going to see this random person on my newsfeed and delete you and then you're going to bitch at me for unfriending you. Here's an idea...use your REAL name!

- I NEED a stalker help group! This is serious! I can no longer control myself!

- I had the hiccups the other night and someone suddenly asked me "Where do fish swim?". I responded, "In the sea" and was very confused as to how the question was relevant to my hiccups. I didn't have them anymore.

- If two people who are dating/seeing each other/wanting some action both live with their parents...how do they have sex? It's not like you're in high school anymore and you can sneak home right after school before you're parents get home. It's not like you're in college and you can straight up say to your roommate "Hey...I'm getting laid today. Don't come back until after 4". How does it work? Do you do it in your car? Do you get a hotel? If so then how often? Is it enough? Is it ever enough????

- Update on the Giants game last night...Eli Manning played almost the entire first quarter. I think they put him in because he knew I was there watching. He really does love me.

- After being at a backyard party on Sunday I got a mosquito bite on each foot that have swollen up and my feet now look like sausages. Luckily, I have cute feet so now that they're all swollen they still look so-so.

- If you're looking for some good, clean fun then go on Facebook and change your default language to "English(pirate)". You will not be disappointed.

- Apparently I don't know how to make coffee because every time I make it, it tastes like dirt.

I wrote the previous stuff a few days ago and had it ready to post today. My house caught on fire today while we were all out of the house. The fireman got the dog and the rabbit out safely but our apartment is ruined and we'll be out for a few weeks. I probably won't be around much because we're not sure where we're staying and we have to bounce back and forth with the animals. I'll get back and keep you all posted when I can. Take care until then.

The Boys Are Back In Town

2009-08-17T15:21:00.004-04:00

It's the most wonderful time of the year...football season. My boys are back and I have a good feeling about it. I have a ticket to see tonight preseason game against the Carolina Panthers.

Of course this was meant to be a birthday surprise a month early. They just built the new stadium and tickets aren't cheap. Of course my mother gave me this ticket and I immediately thought I lost it.

Me: Momma, can I see my ticket?
Mom: Okay....here
Me: It's beautiful. Can I keep it?
Mom: No, you'll lose it. Leave it in my drawer until it's time.
Me: Please! I won't lose it.
Mom: Fine....

She gave me the ticket. She should have known better. I immediately announced to the world (via facebook) that I was going. Then I thought to myself "I better put this ticket somewhere safe so I don't lose it". So I did. Did I bother to remember where I put it? No.

I went into sheer panic for about 20 minutes tearing apart the house looking for this thing. I eventually found it...it was stuck to the fridge with my magnet (mom's good in that way). Now my room is a mess. It was worth it.

I'm absolutely obsessed with Eli Manning. I cried when he got married after they won the superbowl. I'm waiting for that divorce. It'll happen. I'm sure of it. I just have to be patient...

You Too Can Be a Stalker

2009-08-14T20:17:00.001-04:00

I'm always talking about my stalking and how out of control it is. I realized that perhaps if I shared with you my methods of stalking then you would truly understand my problem.

I must warn you that if after reading this you are still not convinced that I have a problem then I'm afraid that you are a stalker too. If this is the case, I would happy to hear of any tips you may have to improve my technique.

Here it goes...

Facebook is my main stalking tool. I remember when I first got a facebook, it was not as easy to stalk people since you could only see those who were in your network or your friends. When this was the case myspace was the most useful stalking site. Eventually people caught onto this and began blocking their profiles so that stalkers could not see them.

I, however, found a way around this. I began looking over the shoulders of friends while they typed in their passwords. When the time was right, I would then sign on their accounts and friend request the person I wanted to stalk. Once this was accepted I could use my friends login to check up on them when I felt the need.

I know what you're wondering. "But Ice Queen, didn't your friends change their passwords once they knew you found out?" If they were good friends then they thought what I was doing was funny. If they were not so good friends then I would login to the account and change their password so that only I knew it. This worked well when I was stabbed in the back by a former friend. You should have seen the redecorating I did with her myspace layout. Something about dog biscuits...I can't remember exactly.

Eventually myspace died down and I had to work with what I had on Facebook. Again, the password thing worked for a while until I got sloppy and started leaving evidence behind that I had been on other accounts. The great part about Facebook now is that it's so casual that it's not creepy to request the friendship of someone you barely know. Once you're friends with this person, you're in! This is how I get to see new photos of people who aren't even on facebook. I just friend request their friends who I met once for 15.3 seconds at a crowded party.

The perfect excuse to friend request someone is to take a picture of them while they're out. If you're at a bar with someone and you're not really talking, just take a picture with them. Drunk people love pictures and will smile and pose with anyone in front of a camera. The next day you can send the facebook friend request because you "have" to tag them in that HILARIOUS picture of the two of you from the night before. Once this friend request is accepted, you can finally see what your best friend's ex's new boyfriend looks like (since he lives in the same apartment as the one you just took the picture with...they're all friends already!)

If you're still able to follow this then I salute you. I had no idea that I had this much to say about stalking. I have more information and tips to share with you but I'm afraid I'll have to make a whole other post about it. Sheesh! Now you can see how serious this situation is. Questions? Comments?

Theme Song Thursday

2009-08-13T08:16:00.000-04:00

I promised something better than last week. I apologize for putting all of you through that. I'm proud to announce that I'm over it.

A classic...

Memes the Word

2009-08-12T00:00:00.000-04:00

I'm a sucker for these things...

1. What is your favorite article of clothing?
Sweatshirts and sweaters. It keeps my warm from the chill.

2. What are your biggest obsessions?
I have a habit of becoming obsessed very easily with dumb things. Right now I'm obsessed with Eli Manning. Football season is coming up and he's all over the papers and I LOVE it! I'm waiting for that divorce...

3. Who inspires you?
I inspire myself. People can't be trusted with the responsibility of keeping me going. If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself.

4. Who is your favorite designer and why?
Crayola, Mead, Mr. Sketch....what's that? Oh...you mean clothes not school supplies. In case you didn't already know, I'm a teacher. I don't have the means to have a favorite designer.

5. What is your favorite song ever?
I have many favorites but I'm going to have to say "Jesse's Girl".

6. What is your favourite song right now?
My favorite song right now is "Waking Up in Vegas" by Katy Perry. Guess what it reminds me of....COLLEGE. I bet you find that shocking.

7. If you were a sweet what would you be?
Oh there are so many directions I can take this in. I'll be good. Cheesecake...mmmm

8. Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet - what words would you use to describe your rainbow?
I never really thought about it before. I'll have to consult with my friend Roy G. Biv and get back to you on that one.

9. What are your favorite films?
I like dumb movies with cute boys in them...like Weekend at Bernie's. Who doesn't love that Andrew McCarthy?

10. Who is your favourite actor?
Tom Hanks...I kind of wish he was my dad. I think that would be awesome.

11. If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you be?
Most people would probably want to be on a beach or another glorious type of vacation. Don't get me wrong...that would be really nice, but I'll settle for my own apartment.

12. What are your 3 favourite smells?
Pumpkin, Secret Crush (which no longer exists because Victoria's Secret likes to think they know what scents I like), and gasoline.

13. What are your 3 favourite tastes?
Salt, potato, and cheese.

14. What is your most treasured possession?
My car. It's the first big girl purchase I made and he's been very good to me.

15. What did you always want to be/do when you grew up?
I can honestly say that I always wanted to be a teacher.

16. If you were an ice-cream what flavor would you be?
Cherry vanilla...that sounds like me I think.

17. If someone made a short film about your life, who would play you?
I actually think about this a lot and I'm not sure if I can really decide. Perhaps Hayden Paneteirre. She's cute enough but I'm not sure if she has the sass. I'd probably just have to play myself or find some fresh nobody to take on the role that with sky rocket them to the A list.

18. What would your perfect afternoon consist of?
Being down the shore and then coming back to sex, shower, and get ready for a night of partying.

19. If you were a flower what would you be?
I would be a red rose because I'm the best. Bwahaha

20. Tell me one random thing... be it your favourite line from a song, scene from a movie or quote from a book.....or tell me about something that you love. This is one of my all time favorite quotes. It's from A Charlie Brown Christmas. Pig Pen looks in the mirror, smiles, and says "On the contrary, I didn't think I looked THAT good!"

Night On The Town

2009-08-09T16:00:00.000-04:00

I know I'm forever going on and on about college and you all know that I'm a loser who can't let go. I'll tell you something you probably don't know though...I also miss high school. I have a friend from back in the day who just got a position as a product manager with Yahoo and she's moving out to San Fransisco in a week or so. A bunch of us got together for dinner and some drinks to catch up.

We laughed, we drank, yadda yadda. The funny part came when we went to the bar. Mind you, this was the first time I've ever been in a bar outside my college town. I was under the impression that all bars are so packed with 20 somethings you can barely move. I'm not sure if any of you are aware, but this is not always the case. I walked into the bar and there were men there over 30. It was very strange. There were men in their 50's. Who would have known?

I felt very out of place. I have to say that I was looking cute that night as I do on almost every other night I go out. I imagine when my old high school chums saw me they were thinking something along the lines of "Wow...she's still so hot". Anywho...there were 2 girls there who graduated high school the year before me and one was wearing pajamas! Pajamas in a bar! I was shocked. How are you going to get free drinks at the bar when you wear pajamas?!

Eventually the DJ started to play my jams which include "Jesse's Girl", "Lose Your Love", "Don't Stop Believing", and "Paradise by the Dashboard Light". Sometime in the midst of these classics another girl I graduated with walked in. She had a tube top on and long blond hair extensions (you can't make this up people!). We stopped to chat for a moment. The conversation went something like this.

Tube Top Momma: Oh my God...I'm so wasted. I've been drinking since 3:30.
Classy Me: Wow...it's 11:30. Eight hours of drinking is really saying something. How is your baby?
Tube Top Momma: She's wonderful! I don't have her this weekend.
Classy Me: Thank God!

It really wouldn't surprise me if this girl brought her baby to the bar. I'm serious. Trash...but at least she wasn't wearing her pajamas.

10 Things I Really Want to Say to People

2009-08-08T18:00:00.000-04:00

1. What the hell is your deal? I can't figure you out and it's driving me insane!

2. I really don't give a shit about what goes on in this convenience store. I'm only here until my real job starts.

3. You would rear end someone at a red light. You kind of deserved it. I hope you don't have enough money to get your car fixed.

4. The mail came and the check is here.

5. Could you request that your younger son be put into someone else's first grade because I really don't want to deal with you as a parent again.

6. I was stalking you on Facebook so it's kind of my fault she stood you up because I told her it was a bad idea.

7. I'm hot God Damnit!

8. I really can't wait for you to go back to college next month. I have BIG plans for your room! The tables are about to turn.

9. It is not my responsibility to keep you entertained and happy. Your mood changes with the wind and I can't take it anymore. Leave me alone.

10. I'm just not that into you.

I've Been Pegged...

2009-08-06T11:40:00.000-04:00

Rebel Mom got me...

Anyhow, the Rules are as follows:

I'd like to get to know you better, answer these questions and pass them on.

1. Who is the hottest movie star?

The hottest? There are too many beautiful men in this world for one to be the hottest. This week I am back into my Eli Manning since he has been all over the Daily News with the Giants in training camp. I would also like to mention Ron Livingston because I just caught one of his episodes of Sex and the City the other night. Yum!

2. Apart from your house and your car, what is the most expensive item you've ever bought?

My education...although I didn't pay for it yet. I hope none of you reading this work for Citibank.

3. What is your most treasured memory

College...I'm still coping

4. What is the best gift you received as a child?

When I was younger my father used to stop at the supermarket after work and pick up a little bouquet of flowers for me and I would have them in a vase on my dresser. At the age of 5 I always had fresh flowers in my room and it truly made me feel like a princess.

5. What's the biggest mistake you've made?

Living with someone I once dated. Anyone going into college or who has a child going into college...read this! You'll thank me later.

6. 4 words to describe yourself.

Cute
Funny
Sassy
Stalkerish (they can't all be good)

7. What was your highlight or low light of 2008?

I hate to focus on the low but my lowlight of 2008 was losing my dear Nana. She was a treasure if I ever did know one.

8. Favourite film

I go through phases (much like my men) but I tend to stick with 10 Things I Hate About You

9. Tell me one thing I don't know about you

I could tell you...but then I'd have to make a new blog because you would know too much.

10. If you were a comic book/strip or cartoon character who would you be?

I would have to say Cat Woman because my best friend has a fascination with Harley Quinn and I thought that would be cute.

Theme Song Thursday

2009-08-06T10:33:00.003-04:00

That's right...it's theme song Thursday. I've decided that on Thursdays I will chose a song that I've been listening too or describes my mood and post for the rest of you to either enjoy or make fun of me for.

This is one you'll probably make fun of me for...but I haven't been able to get this song out of my head for weeks. Next week I promise something better.

Jon vs. Kate

2009-08-02T12:00:00.001-04:00

Yes, that's right. I'm obsessed. (At least it's not those damn Twilight books) I remember a few months ago when a friend of mine was telling me about this affair that Jon Gosselin was having and I didn't believe him. Not only did I not believe it, but I became very defensive about it.

Friend: Did you hear that Jon's having an affair with a teacher? That could have been you.
Me: What?!?! How dare you! What do you believe everything you read in the gossip magazines??? You're just a dumb boy! Get a life!

It wasn't until the new season of the show came on that I even believed there was anything wrong with the couple. I remember watching the season premiere with my jaw on the floor while texting and tweeting everyone I knew to see who else was watching. The whole world was talking about it.

Then the announcement came... I was shocked. Usually when things like this happen I'm terribly dissapointed because tv tends to make things worse then they are. I keep telling myself "They're not gonna get divorced...they just want us to think that to spark new interest". How wrong I was.

I'm not sure, but this might be the biggest divorce announcement since Sonny and Cher. Don't quote me on that though...I'm just taking a wild guess.

I actually feel guilty now because I never liked Kate. I always thought she was an over controlling bitch. Now I think Jon is kind of an asshole. I hate to take sides...I don't even know these people. My mom and I actually had a heated discussion about the topic. Then I thought about it. What's the big deal? My parents divorced when I was the same age as the twins and my sister was the same age as the sextuplets. We turned out fine. Most marriages end in divorce and the majority of the people in this world are fine. In fact, divorce has pretty much become the norm. I have friends whose parents are still together and absolutely hate each other and it has to be said that they're not quite right in the head.

I can't believe I just wrote a whole blog about this...

I almost forgot! I got 2 awards!

I got this from Missy. Check her out!
I'm passing it on to RookieBlogger @ Life Uncensored. Check her out! (I would also like to add that she cannot take this award until Monday when her birthday has arrived)

I also got this award from Hit 40 because she claims that I inspire her. I'm not sure what I inspire her to do but I can almost guarantee that our classroom parents would not approve.
I'm passing this one on to Joanie.

My Text Log

2009-07-27T19:06:00.008-04:00

My new short term goal is to get on mydrunktexts.com. Juvenile, I know but this is yet another thing I am obsessed with. I can be on this site for an hour at a time reading all the dumb texts college kids send to each other. I can't get enough.

I am determined to make it on this site! I make submit texts daily. Sometimes I even reword them to make it funnier. (Most of the time they aren't even drunk texts...just random things my friends send me that if anyone else read they would assume alcohol was involved.) So far I have had no luck but I remain hopeful. If you're ever really bored and looking for a cheap laugh then it's definitely something I would recommend checking out.

I've composed a list of some of my favorites...my texts will make it onto the world wide web somehow damnit! Here is a peek into my inbox.

"This creepy chick is staring at me from her window. She's a fat grape."

"I made another terrible decision...several times while watching Sin City."

"He walked into the party and said 'dibs'. I can't believe I went home with this douche!"

"I'm thinking about shaving before I go out tonight but I'm not sure the razor burn is worth the risk?"

"I'm at the Waffle Shop with him and I have the same shirt on that I wore to the bar last night. The old people think I'm his whore."

"Take one for the team...come up and check on me in 5 minutes but then go back downstairs and tell him I passed out on the toilet. Hopefully that will turn him off."

"I need a hobby that does not involve the internet. Even I'm beginning to get creeped out by my own facebook stalking."

"I just woke up alone on an air mattress with my ex's pillow and blanket. I hate my life."

For Your Convenience

2009-07-27T16:22:00.003-04:00

I recently got a part time job at a local convenience store. Personally I love the reaction I get when people I graduated high school with come in and see me in my little uniform and green visor. They give me this look of pity and I assume they're thinking something along the lines of "I guess she dropped out of college." or "I can't believe she never got a job."

Yes, I finished school and graduated. No, I didn't chose a career that would allow me to support myself.

Anywho...I've created a list of pointers for your next convenience store trip to make your life and the lives of the people who are providing you morning caffeine jolt a little easier.

-If you have change, please don't place it on the counter. I have short finger nails and change is really hard to pick up when it's lying flat on a smooth surface. It's already in your hand. Just wait two damn seconds and hand it to me.

- Do NOT take the coffee from the pot that is still brewing. This is not your home coffee maker. If you remove the pot, the steaming hot liquid will continue to pour out of the spout and I have to burn my pretty little hands cleaning it. Please don't do that to me...I'm someone's child.

-Why can't you just throw the damn sugar packet out??? The garbage is literally 4 inches from your coffee cup. I'm sure if you breathed hard enough it would just fly in.

-Don't bitch at me because the Entenmann's's cakes are 2 for $6 but not $3 each. Yes, you have to buy two to get the price. I didn't make up the sale and to be honest with you I don't care.

-I'm sorry that I am not the master of the lottery machine. Stop telling me to hit the "repeat" button to print different tickets. This machine is probably from 1980 and so the word "repeat" wore of about 10 years ago. You're not going to win anyway.

-Don't tell me how annoying the coffee timer going off is. I know. I'm here for 8 hours and the thing goes off every twenty minutes.

-When I'm checking out your order, don't be an asshole by saying something like "Can't you turn that beeping off?". I could but then you would have to wait for me to get back to the register to ring you up and then you would be bitching about that too.

-When you come in on Friday afternoon, do NOT tell me to cheer up because it is Friday. In case you haven't noticed, I work at a 24 hour convenience store on Friday nights. I also work Saturday and Sunday as well. Friday is the new Monday.

Bible History Part #1

2009-07-26T19:07:00.002-04:00

My friend sent me this link on Facebook and I couldn't stop laughing. I thought it would be a nice thing to share on a Sunday afternoon. There is some foul language so if you're not into that then this video probably isn't for you. Although I suppose if you're not a fan of foul language you probably don't enjoy reading this blog very much do you?

Anywho....here it is.

Saving My Baby

2009-07-25T12:47:00.003-04:00

It's that time again...inspection time. My insurance is up on Monday and my mother has cut me off so now I'm taking out my own policy. I'm actually kind of excited about it. My mom kept me on the insurance until I turned 23 because she's wonderful in that kind of way.

There are other ways she is not so wonderful though. She is not wonderful in the sense of keeping papers...papers like the title to my car. It went missing and she has to get a new one so that I can get one in my name and do all those other fun things the state makes you do to keep a car. My mom also has a suspended license for unpaid parking tickets. That's right...she lost those too. She needs to get a state id card to verify that she is in fact the owner of the car to get a new title. Then I have to get a title in my name, insure the car, register it, trade plates, and inspect it.

This has been the source of my agony for the past week or so. My mom has a habit of making things a much bigger deal then they are. One thing turns into, "Don't come crying to me when you lose your car". Why would I lose my car? Relax Woman!

I've been having a difficult time adjusting to life back in my mother's house since I've been on my own for 4 years (at least it's better than living with him). I feel suffocated and we fight almost constantly. We just have different lifestyles. They say you can always go back home but it's easier said then done.

Is She Gone Yet?

2009-07-21T20:17:00.005-04:00

My sister is a BEE-OTCH! She doesn't have a job and so she sits around all day until about 9 pm when she goes out with her friends. I'm not complaining though...at least she leaves at some point in the day. It wouldn't kill her to walk the dog every once and a while though. Her major problem is that she freaks out over things that really aren't a big deal. We have the same arguments daily.

Sister: Where did you get that shirt? IT'S MINE! TAKE IT OFF NOW!
Me: Well it's already on and it's dirty now...can't I just keep it on for the rest of the day?
Sister: NO! HOW LONG HAVE YOU HAD IT??? I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR IT FOREVER!
Me: Well in all fairness you wore my clothes all the way through high school so you kind of owe me.
Sister: I F***ING HATE YOU! GET OUT OF MY ROOM!

And this one...

Sister: Did you use my coffee creamer in that?
Me: Yeah, but only a little.
Sister: THIS IS WHY THERE ISN'T ANY LEFT! BECAUSE YOU DRINK IT ALL! GET MY SHIRT OFF!
Me: The coffee creamer is for the house not just you.
Sister: I F***ING HATE YOU!

or...

Sister: WHY ARE YOU WEARING MY SHIRT IN YOUR FACEBOOK PICTURE?!?! WEAR YOUR OWN CLOTHES!
Me: It's not your shirt, it's mine. You took from me years ago and you've had it so long you think it's yours.
Sister: I F***ING HATE YOU!

It's not my fault those clothes look better on me.

Remember Me? Your Friend?

2009-07-20T10:37:00.005-04:00

My entire life I've always gone through girlfriends like underwear. I hang out with a girl or group of girls for a while and then eventually we lose touch and don't talk until we randomly see each other at a diner a few years down the road.

For the most part this happens because eventually they all become absolutely obsessed with a boyfriend. Yes, that's right folks. I'm not in middle school or high school or even college. I'm in my twenties and this is still happening to me. I guess I have this aura about me that draws in crazy bitches who don't know what to do with themselves if a guys not around.

Take this story for example, when I was in high school I was on the cheerleading team and I had gotten really close with the girl who was captain. I would go as far as to say that we were best friends at the time. All of a sudden, she got a boyfriend and went absolutely nuts and quit the team because it was taking away from her "Joey time". She was on that team for 7 years and she just up and quit over Joey. And let me tell you...Joey was a loser. He had graduated high school the year before and was pretty much doing nothing with his life but making enough money at his part time job to support his weed habit.

I have another friend now who is having thisproblem post college. She met this guy in college and it was nice and convenient then, but now that they're both graduated and live 5-6 hours away their devotion to each other is slightly irritating. She organizes her work schedule so that she gets all of her days off in a row so that she can make the 5 hour trip to see him. She goes to visit this guy and all he does its talk about marriage and babies (and other shit that I'm too young to even hear other people talking about) then he cries because she's not paying enough attention to him. (Yes! He CRIES. You can't make this up people).

So she texts me Saturday night..."I think I'm going to break up with Sam. This is too much." Ya think? It took you 7 months to figure this out?

Just as I get all excited because I might actually have my friend back I get another text the next night. "God, I love him... :-D". WTF? Less than 32 hours ago you wanted to break it off with him and now you're using emoticons? This makes me sick. Even if you loved your boyfriend enough to not want to break up with him every other day, I still don't need you to text me to tell me how in love you are. It kind of makes me ill.

Do I text you the details of my love life? NO! I don't want to hear how in love you are...today. Text me when you get over your emotionally unstable relationship and want to get a drink...without him.

Dear So and So

2009-07-15T15:43:00.001-04:00

I know I'm not following the right days...I just had to get this stuff out though. Enjoy!

Dear Spikes,
Who do you think you are? The Red Dragon? Really? It's one thing to say this when you own a red Corvette or something equally cool, but last I checked you drove a 2000 Civic. Please don't ever refer to your car as the Red Dragon ever again. Despite recent events that have caused your ego to inflate to the size of your...head! Yeah, I said it! Take your backwards hat wearing ass back to the frat where you belong!

Toodles,
The chick from Jersey

Dear Sister,
You are a scavenger. If I didn't know any better then I would think you lived in a barn. Was it necessary for you to dig out all the crunchies from the Carvel ice cream cake and then leave the empty ice cream shell for the rest of us? Is it necessary for you to take the only gallon of kool aid that I made myself out with you when you drive around with your friends?? Get a damn water bottle!

Love forever,
The classy daughter

Dear Ursula,
You are by far the hardest boss to beat in the entire Kingdom Hearts game. Atlantica is by far the most annoying video game level I have ever experienced. I am not surprised that in the second version of the game they gave you the boot for the Lion King. Serves you right.

Good Riddance,
Frustrated Gamer

Dear Apartment Office,
Please stop sending my roommates late notices for the rent. I know I didn't pay the rent and you know that it was only me who did not pay my share so stop advertising it to that evil bastard. You are on the top of my money owing list and I promise that you will have your money by the 31st when my lease is up anyway!

Signed,
Down on her luck tenant

Dear Mets,
You're breaking my heart.

Signed,
Crying in the corner

Dear Kevin James,
When are you going to give up this charade and come marry me?

xoxo,
Hopelessly Waiting

Random Tuesday Thoughts

2009-07-14T00:00:00.001-04:00

-Over the weekend I lost my ponytail holder and I had to put a rubber band in my hair. My Nana always told me to never do that I feel like I let her down...over a hair tie.

-When driving on the highway I realized that it take me about 4-5 miles to smoke a cigarette. I thought it took more than that but I was mistaken. I guess it would depend on how fast I was going.

-I've come to the conclusion that signs are everywhere and it's not hard to see them. The hard part is trying to figure out what they mean. I can never tell the difference between a bad sign and a good sign.

-If you are driving home from an extended weekend with friends, and you see a real life dead bear on the side of the road that is so HUGE it comes up to your car window...do NOT text everyone you know about it and do NOT share size and location details with your sister while driving. You will end up like the bear...dead on the side of the road.

-When I saw Wicked the other day there was a man in Times Square selling Obama Condoms and now I cannot stop thinking about "the ultimate stimulus package".

Don't Graduate, Celebrate!

2009-07-11T21:12:00.004-04:00

I just got back from an amazing trip to my college town and got to see some old friends from back in the day. The county hold their annual fair right near the campus and it's a big weekend for students and alumni to make some memories. It felt like it was just yesterday that we were all living down the hall from each other and starting trouble all over that small town.

Between meeting up with random old flames and being invited for tequila shots with strangers it was really like we never left the place. In fact, I'll have you all know that someone asked me if I was a freshman and when I replied I was Alumni I think he wet himself. I didn't realize I looked so young. =) I decided that if I were rich I wouldn't go on a fancy trip or buy a fast car. Not me. I would become the next Ryan Reynolds as Van Wilder. I would strategically remain 3 credits short from graduating with a degree in at least 4 different majors. Yeah, if I had a million dollars I'd stay in college forever. Or buy you a monkey...you always wanted a monkey.

I saw a dead bear on the side of the road on my way back. I wish I saw it sooner so that I could have gotten a good pic. I almost ran myself off the road trying to text everyone I knew what I just saw. My sister was the only one who was really excited about it though. We were launched in a full text conversation about the size and location of this dead bear and I almost ran myself off the road...again.

I have Wicked today and I'm very excited. I love going into the city and I haven't been there in over a year. I'm hoping something funny happens but as I sit here thinking about it, how can it not?

Random Wednesday Thoughts

2009-07-08T14:36:00.002-04:00

That's right, my friends. I'm jumping on the bandwagon...at least I'm making it on my own day. Take that! Here it goes.

-The quizzes and applications on Facebook are getting to be ridiculous. I love lazy, time wasting quizzes just as much as the next person but I found one entitled "Are you a virgin?". Really? If you need a quiz to figure that out then you have bigger problems.

-I have to pay for laundry in my apartment and I cannot understand why people feel the need to leave their laundry in the machines for hours on end. This is not your private machine in your apartment. You do not have the luxury of leaving you laundry in there until you need to wear it. Take it out.

-I really want a blender. I've never owned one before and sometimes I get sad thinking about all the awesome things I could do with one. When I get some money I'm going to invest in a Magic Bullet. They're so badass.

-I think my roommate won the contest. Roomie came up with "You can have my bottle to set off your rocket." The best I could come up with "When are we starting the fireworks?", to which I received the response "9 I think". Roomie literally told me what time the fireworks started. I am lame.

-I'm very excited about returning to my college town tomorrow to relive my experience with some old friends. The sad part is that this will be one of the two most exciting things I will do this summer. The second is going to see Wicked on Sunday! (I'm 23 and my summer has peaked at mid July. Sad.)

-I hate when you really like a song and you learn all the words but then realize that the singer is not saying what you originally thought. It really bothers me since I know that my lyrics are better.

Next week I'll keep notes and post my thoughts on time.

Independent Mission

2009-07-04T13:00:00.000-04:00

Happy 4th of July one and all! I have a very special blog today. Every holiday my old roommate and I send each other cheesy pick up lines that have something to do with the holiday. I think one of my favorites was from Thanksgiving...

"Is that your turkey timer or are you just happy to see me?"

The problem is I cannot think of a single one for Independence Day. Can anyone help me out? Please.

You're How Old?

2009-07-01T15:48:00.000-04:00

They're building a new train station in my home town and in order to do this they need to knock down a Burger Kind that's been there for the past decade or so. My dad used to live 2 blocks away from the Burger King and took us there all the time when it first opened.

This Burger King is no more but I remember the last time I was there. I was reminded of the interaction I had with the drive through worker as I drove past the train station the other day. It was a rainy night last summer and a friend and I got a late night craving for a slobericious Whopper. We drove up and I noticed the sign on the window.

Last Day: July 25, 2008

I immediately turned into my reminiscent self and got all emotional. I then made the mistake of sharing my feelings with the girl helping me.

Me: Oh my God, I can't believe you guys are closing. I remember when you opened.
Brat Face: Umm...this place has been open for 13 years.
Me: ....yeah
Brat Face: I was 3 when this place opened. You remember 13 years ago?!?! Damn!

This will forever go down in my memory as the first time anyone has considered me old. I'm too young for this shit.

It Takes One to Know One...

2009-06-27T23:52:00.001-04:00

I realize that I have not written in a while. The truth is, when I'm not in school there's not much for me to get pissed off at and since there are no young children in my family to make me laugh, my life becomes quite dull. Luckily another Queen has awarded me with this handy little thing so that I have something to entertain you people with (all 9 of you). Is this a cop out, you ask? Perhaps...but it's better than nothing so here it goes...

Here's the rough part...the rules.
1. List 7 things that make me awe-summm!
2. Pass the award onto 7 bloggers that I love
3. Tag those bloggers to let them know they are now Queens too (and link back to the Queen who tagged you)

7 Things That Make Me Awe-summm!
1. Despite the odds, I have made it another full year teaching first grade and by the looks of it I'm going to get that tenure after all.
2. I'm pretty sure that I am the only one on my street who picks up after their dog. I think many people would say to themselves "Hey, everyone else does it. No one will know if I do it too." While this may be true, I take pride in picking up my dog's crap and love when people watch me do it. I imagine they may be saying something like "Wow, she's so beautiful and yet she is humble enough to think of the rest of us stepping in her dog's shit." It's admirable if not awe-summm.
3. I know the difference between ice cream and frozen custard. I can taste it and explain it. Don't believe me? Custard is creamier due to the fact that it is made with buttermilk and egg yolk. Ice cream needs to be stored at a slightly colder temperature than custard. I also know that if you are eating either you must always use a plastic spoon as opposed to silverware because the metal will freeze your taste buds and you won't get the full flavor of the experience.
4. I can probably fall asleep just about anywhere. I've slept in bathtubs, kitchen floors, kitchen tables, front porches, a movie theater, and even a taxi once....all SOBER and with my clothes on.
5. I remember song lyrics like my social security number. I learn them fast and remember them forever.
6. I have a very high tolerance for caffeine. One time I consumed 5 shots of espresso and 2 energy drinks in one day. I'm sure this will catch up with me in a few years.
7. I just learned now that the word is "espresso" not "expresso". You learn something new everyday.

7 Bloggers I Love...
(Disclaimer: I am not limiting this award to women...so watch out!)

1. Joanie @ Joanie's Random Ramblings
2.RXBambi @ A Day in the Life of a Would-Be Bambi
3. Jaime @ Red Red Whine
4. Otin @ Wizard of Otin
5 Chris @ Maugeritaville

What? Five does not equal 7? Yes, they let me teach children. No, I'm not a total moron. I'm just lazy and behind on my blogging. There are other blogs that I read but they either already have this award or I haven't been reading long enough for them to not be creeped out that this random frosty chick is awarding them with something. I don't want to be that creepy blogger who thinks she knows everyone after reading 2 posts. I'm working on it.

Can You Feel the Love?

2009-06-12T23:36:00.000-04:00

Today was the last day of school and the kids were taking turns sharing something they would miss from this school year. One of my girls chirped up in the middle of the sharing time with a question.

"Even though we'll have a new teacher next year, can we still make love?"

Am I Really This Crazy?

2009-06-08T18:38:00.000-04:00

I am convinced that I have an anxiety disorder. I live with my ex boyfriend (you may remember him from this entry). If I could go back in time that would be the one piece of advice I would listen too.

"Don't move in with that kid. It won't end well."

Surprise...it didn't.

Anyway, for the most part he's always at his new girlfriend's house which makes for a calming home life. I come and go as I please (or at least as much as the dog will allow me) and there are no fights.

Today Fuckface decided to come home for once with his girlfriend. I was just sitting on the couch, reading some blogs, watching what not to wear, and all of a sudden the dog runs for the door. Shit. There was no time for me to move or do anything. Just sit there and pretend to type absolutely nothing on my laptop.

They immediately went upstairs and I assumed that would be the end of it. "Okay...just relax. He's just here to get more clothes. They'll be gone in 5 minutes tops."

Then they came back down. I could hear her voice asking him something. The kitchen light went on and he started clearing things off the table. I went into a panic. "Oh my God. He's doing something. He just moved the dog's food."

The dog went to check it out...now my dog left me. I am completely and utterly alone. My hands begin to tremble. I am not over exaggerating for creative purposes. This really just happened.

Then he walked into the living room and right up to the tv. He was right in front of me. I saw her shadow on the floor in the kitchen and he was standing right next to me. My heart was pounding and I began sweating. He began taking pictures of the tv.

I think he's going to sell the furniture on ebay. I am leaving this shit hole in 9 days. He can't wait until then to hang out and take all these pictures when me and my traitor dog are long gone??? I am frozen in shear panic. Of what? Of him speaking to me? of him starting something? I couldn't even tell you. I was just absolutely broken down by his shear presence that I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe and really wanted to reach for my inhaler but then he would have known. We were together long enough for him to know that I am absolutely panicked by situations like this. I bet he's getting some sort of sick pleasure out of this and the two of them are going to laugh about the fact that I'm going to fucking lose it once they walk out the door. All I can do is continue to type nonsense like a mad woman in a blank word document I had opened up.

kdjfaiusdifaj. hahaha.....a lkjwehrkalw i'll be okay alksjdlakher you can do this alskdlkhaslkdjfoiw don't freak out now!

Then he stopped and looked at me.

Please for the love of God, if you ever appreciated me as a human being you will take what you have so far and let me go in peace. I beg of you. Haven't you put me through enough torture when you tried to kill my rabbit and completely embarassed me in front of my friends time and time again? You can't just let me live the next nine days without another panic attack emergency room visit?

"Can you move so I can take pictures of the couches?"

.......

I'm not sure how much time passed. She was staring at me, he was staring at me, I'm not even sure what I was staring at but it all went blank. It wasn't until my dog growled at him that I was shaken out of it and made my way up to my bedroom to lock the door behind me.

Now I'm just sitting....waiting...maybe they'll leave soon.

If there's a God they will....

Keepsake Award

2009-06-06T10:49:00.001-04:00

This award requires a funny or sweet keepsake story that tells something about yourself. Otin tagged me and his story was quite touching and actually reminded me of my own life...but I'm sharing a different story instead.

When I was in high school and applying for college, I was told to not let price effect my decision because I could always get a loan. I went to the most expensive state school in the country and didn't worry about the price because I knew I couldn't afford it anyway. Only half the kids in my graduating class even go to college and I wanted to blow everyone away. I paid for college with private loans because my mother couldn't take out any on my own and those were the only ones I was approved for. Every summer I would check my computer 4 times a day to see if my loan got approved for the next year. I would hope and pray that they would approve me one more year and they did. When college graduation came around it was a much bigger deal for me than it was for any of my peers. Many of my classmates didn't even want to walk int he ceremony because they didn't want to be bothered. Your college commencement ceremony has a whole new meaning when you started out not knowing if you would have the money to finish. There were times when I sat in my apartment not knowing how I was going to pay the rent, waiting for my electric to be shut off, sharing a bag of pretzels with my pet rabbit, and trying to get a ride to work because I didn't have the money for gas that week. If you asked me now I couldn't tell you how I did it. I just did because I had to.

Sometimes you need to borrow from Peter and tell Paul you need a few more weeks...wait, that's not right. Am I supposed to pay Paul back? Damn!

That's my story. Since I'm kind of new on this blog thing I'm not going to make a list of who I'm giving this award to. I'm just going to offer it to any of my 7 followers. If you want it and don't have it, just take it. The only catch is that you need to leave me a comment with a blog that you highly recommend I check out. I think that's fair.

Sick 'Em!

2009-06-03T21:10:00.000-04:00

My mom got sick and is going to be in the hospital for a few days so I offered to take in my family dog. For most people (with most dogs) this would have been an easy decision. Mine was not so much. He's bad. I'm convinced my dog has ADHD and his behavioral issues are caused by this disorder. He also eats things.

He also has a reputation for not being the friendliest dog in the world. Sometimes he's really sweet and loving and wiggly and excited to see you, but if you take him through a toll booth then it's another story. It's a 5 1/2 hour drive from my hometown to where I live now and I pass through two toll booths. He goes all Kujo and scares the crap out of the guy and then I have to apologize for my rude dog.

Anyway...this effect is amplified when I don't like someone. Dogs seem to pick up on these things which is usually handy for protection but not so much when you're just trying to not get sued. I hate my roommate. My roommate hates me. My dog hates my roommate. It's a vicious cycle. Luckily I was able to grab him and he only almost dragged me across the entire apartment trying to rip off said roommates reproductive organs.

I know I shouldn't encourage this behavior but I couldn't help giving him a little snack.

I Can't See the Toilet Paper

2009-05-31T17:40:00.001-04:00

After about a month of peeing in the dark I decided it was time to get light bulbs. They're remodeling my local Walmart and I haven't been able to find anything since they started. It took me 27 minutes to find the damn things.

Once I got up to the register I realized they wanted me to spend $15 on these energy saving light bulbs. Really? Can they charge that much for me to be able to see what I'm doing when I pee? They were fancy energy saving light bulbs. I'm moving out of my apartment in 3 weeks. I don't give a shit if I save the next tenants $24 in energy costs over the next 7 years.

Why don't they make "Moving out and don't give a shit let the new people worry about the electric bill" light bulbs?

I think I would be more energy concious if it were more affordable.

Crazy Eights

2009-05-13T20:47:00.000-04:00

Jaime got me so here it goes.

8 Things I look forward to:

1. The end of the school year

2. Getting paid

3. Summer

4. Seeing my love this weekend

5. getting a bar tour together

6. sleeping in

7. dinner
8. recess

8 Things I did yesterday:

1. Worked

2. made dinner for a friend

3. dyed my hair =)

4. woke up late

5. got gas

6. woke up again to realize I still didn't buy milk and had to steal coffee from the coffee club

7. wrote plans

8. watched Family Guy

8 Things I wish I could do:

1. Read

2. Sleep

3. Own a house

4. Fix my own car

5. Be invisible

6. some type of super power...it doesn't even really matter

7. drive stick

8. grow money

8 Shows I watch:

1. Family Guy

2. South Park

3. LOST (I've watched this entire season and I still don't get this shit! I don't know why I'm still watching this.)

4. Law and Order SVU

5. House (I'm getting a little tired of this one too though. He always figures out what's wrong and makes everyone better just in the nick of time...too much)

6. Jon and Kate Plus 8

7. Dexter

8. What Not to Wear

Since I'm new to this blogging thing...I'm going to tag the 6 of you that read this thing...have fun.