There's No Cooked Food Here! What Do I Do??

My sister recently left to return to school. I was really excited about her leaving. This is my first time being without her since her birth, 2 months before my 3rd birthday. I'm not really sure what to do with myself. It's the little things really. Like when I get home from the store at night and she calls down to me and waves from the window.

And the other morning when I got hungry...

I'm usually a Cheerios kind of girl because that's about as far as my culinary expertise can carry me. I ran out of Cheerios. Usually my sister has her Wheaties in there but my mom stopped buying them since she's been gone. I opened the fridge to find eggs. I didn't know what to do so I did the only thing I thought of.

I called my mom.

Momma: Yes?
Me: I don't have any Cheerios left and it's too early to make mac and cheese.
Momma: I told you there were eggs in the fridge.
Me: I know. I see them.
Momma: So make them.
Me: ........
Momma: Please tell me you're joking...

I don't know how to make eggs. I can hard boil them but that takes so much time. With the timer, and then waiting for them to cool, and then the peeling. I never peel them right either! I take most of the egg off with the shell and that's too much work for one little egg! I just can't be bothered. My sister always made my eggs for me. She made them so fluffy. She put cheese in them too if she was in a good mood. She also made me toast and buttered it perfectly.

I could probably make myself some toast but I never give the butter enough time to warm up. It's always too hard when I put it on and it just rips the toast. It's so sad.

What did I do?

I did what anyone would do.

I put on my shoes and took a stroll down the block to Dunkin Donuts.

Is She Gone Yet?

My sister is a BEE-OTCH! She doesn't have a job and so she sits around all day until about 9 pm when she goes out with her friends. I'm not complaining though...at least she leaves at some point in the day. It wouldn't kill her to walk the dog every once and a while though. Her major problem is that she freaks out over things that really aren't a big deal. We have the same arguments daily.

Sister: Where did you get that shirt? IT'S MINE! TAKE IT OFF NOW!
Me: Well it's already on and it's dirty now...can't I just keep it on for the rest of the day?
Sister: NO! HOW LONG HAVE YOU HAD IT??? I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR IT FOREVER!
Me: Well in all fairness you wore my clothes all the way through high school so you kind of owe me.
Sister: I F***ING HATE YOU! GET OUT OF MY ROOM!

And this one...

Sister: Did you use my coffee creamer in that?
Me: Yeah, but only a little.
Sister: THIS IS WHY THERE ISN'T ANY LEFT! BECAUSE YOU DRINK IT ALL! GET MY SHIRT OFF!
Me: The coffee creamer is for the house not just you.
Sister: I F***ING HATE YOU!

or...

Sister: WHY ARE YOU WEARING MY SHIRT IN YOUR FACEBOOK PICTURE?!?! WEAR YOUR OWN CLOTHES!
Me: It's not your shirt, it's mine. You took from me years ago and you've had it so long you think it's yours.
Sister: I F***ING HATE YOU!



It's not my fault those clothes look better on me.

Dear So and So

I know I'm not following the right days...I just had to get this stuff out though. Enjoy!

Dear Spikes,
Who do you think you are? The Red Dragon? Really? It's one thing to say this when you own a red Corvette or something equally cool, but last I checked you drove a 2000 Civic. Please don't ever refer to your car as the Red Dragon ever again. Despite recent events that have caused your ego to inflate to the size of your...head! Yeah, I said it! Take your backwards hat wearing ass back to the frat where you belong!

Toodles,
The chick from Jersey


Dear Sister,
You are a scavenger. If I didn't know any better then I would think you lived in a barn. Was it necessary for you to dig out all the crunchies from the Carvel ice cream cake and then leave the empty ice cream shell for the rest of us? Is it necessary for you to take the only gallon of kool aid that I made myself out with you when you drive around with your friends?? Get a damn water bottle!

Love forever,
The classy daughter


Dear Ursula,
You are by far the hardest boss to beat in the entire Kingdom Hearts game. Atlantica is by far the most annoying video game level I have ever experienced. I am not surprised that in the second version of the game they gave you the boot for the Lion King. Serves you right.

Good Riddance,
Frustrated Gamer


Dear Apartment Office,
Please stop sending my roommates late notices for the rent. I know I didn't pay the rent and you know that it was only me who did not pay my share so stop advertising it to that evil bastard. You are on the top of my money owing list and I promise that you will have your money by the 31st when my lease is up anyway!

Signed,
Down on her luck tenant


Dear Mets,
You're breaking my heart.

Signed,
Crying in the corner


Dear Kevin James,
When are you going to give up this charade and come marry me?

xoxo,
Hopelessly Waiting