Independent Mission

Happy 4th of July one and all! I have a very special blog today. Every holiday my old roommate and I send each other cheesy pick up lines that have something to do with the holiday. I think one of my favorites was from Thanksgiving...

"Is that your turkey timer or are you just happy to see me?"

The problem is I cannot think of a single one for Independence Day. Can anyone help me out? Please.

You're How Old?

They're building a new train station in my home town and in order to do this they need to knock down a Burger Kind that's been there for the past decade or so. My dad used to live 2 blocks away from the Burger King and took us there all the time when it first opened.

This Burger King is no more but I remember the last time I was there. I was reminded of the interaction I had with the drive through worker as I drove past the train station the other day. It was a rainy night last summer and a friend and I got a late night craving for a slobericious Whopper. We drove up and I noticed the sign on the window.

Last Day: July 25, 2008

I immediately turned into my reminiscent self and got all emotional. I then made the mistake of sharing my feelings with the girl helping me.

Me: Oh my God, I can't believe you guys are closing. I remember when you opened.
Brat Face: Umm...this place has been open for 13 years.
Me: ....yeah
Brat Face: I was 3 when this place opened. You remember 13 years ago?!?! Damn!

This will forever go down in my memory as the first time anyone has considered me old. I'm too young for this shit.

It Takes One to Know One...

I realize that I have not written in a while. The truth is, when I'm not in school there's not much for me to get pissed off at and since there are no young children in my family to make me laugh, my life becomes quite dull. Luckily another Queen has awarded me with this handy little thing so that I have something to entertain you people with (all 9 of you). Is this a cop out, you ask? Perhaps...but it's better than nothing so here it goes...

Here's the rough part...the rules.
1. List 7 things that make me awe-summm!
2. Pass the award onto 7 bloggers that I love
3. Tag those bloggers to let them know they are now Queens too (and link back to the Queen who tagged you)

7 Things That Make Me Awe-summm!
1. Despite the odds, I have made it another full year teaching first grade and by the looks of it I'm going to get that tenure after all.
2. I'm pretty sure that I am the only one on my street who picks up after their dog. I think many people would say to themselves "Hey, everyone else does it. No one will know if I do it too." While this may be true, I take pride in picking up my dog's crap and love when people watch me do it. I imagine they may be saying something like "Wow, she's so beautiful and yet she is humble enough to think of the rest of us stepping in her dog's shit." It's admirable if not awe-summm.
3. I know the difference between ice cream and frozen custard. I can taste it and explain it. Don't believe me? Custard is creamier due to the fact that it is made with buttermilk and egg yolk. Ice cream needs to be stored at a slightly colder temperature than custard. I also know that if you are eating either you must always use a plastic spoon as opposed to silverware because the metal will freeze your taste buds and you won't get the full flavor of the experience.
4. I can probably fall asleep just about anywhere. I've slept in bathtubs, kitchen floors, kitchen tables, front porches, a movie theater, and even a taxi once....all SOBER and with my clothes on.
5. I remember song lyrics like my social security number. I learn them fast and remember them forever.
6. I have a very high tolerance for caffeine. One time I consumed 5 shots of espresso and 2 energy drinks in one day. I'm sure this will catch up with me in a few years.
7. I just learned now that the word is "espresso" not "expresso". You learn something new everyday.

7 Bloggers I Love...
(Disclaimer: I am not limiting this award to women...so watch out!)

1. Joanie @ Joanie's Random Ramblings
2.RXBambi @ A Day in the Life of a Would-Be Bambi
3. Jaime @ Red Red Whine
4. Otin @ Wizard of Otin
5 Chris @ Maugeritaville

What? Five does not equal 7? Yes, they let me teach children. No, I'm not a total moron. I'm just lazy and behind on my blogging. There are other blogs that I read but they either already have this award or I haven't been reading long enough for them to not be creeped out that this random frosty chick is awarding them with something. I don't want to be that creepy blogger who thinks she knows everyone after reading 2 posts. I'm working on it.

Can You Feel the Love?

Today was the last day of school and the kids were taking turns sharing something they would miss from this school year. One of my girls chirped up in the middle of the sharing time with a question.

"Even though we'll have a new teacher next year, can we still make love?"

Am I Really This Crazy?

I am convinced that I have an anxiety disorder. I live with my ex boyfriend (you may remember him from this entry). If I could go back in time that would be the one piece of advice I would listen too.

"Don't move in with that kid. It won't end well."

Surprise...it didn't.

Anyway, for the most part he's always at his new girlfriend's house which makes for a calming home life. I come and go as I please (or at least as much as the dog will allow me) and there are no fights.

Today Fuckface decided to come home for once with his girlfriend. I was just sitting on the couch, reading some blogs, watching what not to wear, and all of a sudden the dog runs for the door. Shit. There was no time for me to move or do anything. Just sit there and pretend to type absolutely nothing on my laptop.

They immediately went upstairs and I assumed that would be the end of it. "Okay...just relax. He's just here to get more clothes. They'll be gone in 5 minutes tops."

Then they came back down. I could hear her voice asking him something. The kitchen light went on and he started clearing things off the table. I went into a panic. "Oh my God. He's doing something. He just moved the dog's food."

The dog went to check it out...now my dog left me. I am completely and utterly alone. My hands begin to tremble. I am not over exaggerating for creative purposes. This really just happened.

Then he walked into the living room and right up to the tv. He was right in front of me. I saw her shadow on the floor in the kitchen and he was standing right next to me. My heart was pounding and I began sweating. He began taking pictures of the tv.

I think he's going to sell the furniture on ebay. I am leaving this shit hole in 9 days. He can't wait until then to hang out and take all these pictures when me and my traitor dog are long gone??? I am frozen in shear panic. Of what? Of him speaking to me? of him starting something? I couldn't even tell you. I was just absolutely broken down by his shear presence that I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe and really wanted to reach for my inhaler but then he would have known. We were together long enough for him to know that I am absolutely panicked by situations like this. I bet he's getting some sort of sick pleasure out of this and the two of them are going to laugh about the fact that I'm going to fucking lose it once they walk out the door. All I can do is continue to type nonsense like a mad woman in a blank word document I had opened up.

kdjfaiusdifaj. hahaha.....a lkjwehrkalw i'll be okay alksjdlakher you can do this alskdlkhaslkdjfoiw don't freak out now!

Then he stopped and looked at me.

Please for the love of God, if you ever appreciated me as a human being you will take what you have so far and let me go in peace. I beg of you. Haven't you put me through enough torture when you tried to kill my rabbit and completely embarassed me in front of my friends time and time again? You can't just let me live the next nine days without another panic attack emergency room visit?

"Can you move so I can take pictures of the couches?"

.......

I'm not sure how much time passed. She was staring at me, he was staring at me, I'm not even sure what I was staring at but it all went blank. It wasn't until my dog growled at him that I was shaken out of it and made my way up to my bedroom to lock the door behind me.

Now I'm just sitting....waiting...maybe they'll leave soon.

If there's a God they will....

Keepsake Award

This award requires a funny or sweet keepsake story that tells something about yourself. Otin tagged me and his story was quite touching and actually reminded me of my own life...but I'm sharing a different story instead.

When I was in high school and applying for college, I was told to not let price effect my decision because I could always get a loan. I went to the most expensive state school in the country and didn't worry about the price because I knew I couldn't afford it anyway. Only half the kids in my graduating class even go to college and I wanted to blow everyone away. I paid for college with private loans because my mother couldn't take out any on my own and those were the only ones I was approved for. Every summer I would check my computer 4 times a day to see if my loan got approved for the next year. I would hope and pray that they would approve me one more year and they did. When college graduation came around it was a much bigger deal for me than it was for any of my peers. Many of my classmates didn't even want to walk int he ceremony because they didn't want to be bothered. Your college commencement ceremony has a whole new meaning when you started out not knowing if you would have the money to finish. There were times when I sat in my apartment not knowing how I was going to pay the rent, waiting for my electric to be shut off, sharing a bag of pretzels with my pet rabbit, and trying to get a ride to work because I didn't have the money for gas that week. If you asked me now I couldn't tell you how I did it. I just did because I had to.

Sometimes you need to borrow from Peter and tell Paul you need a few more weeks...wait, that's not right. Am I supposed to pay Paul back? Damn!

That's my story. Since I'm kind of new on this blog thing I'm not going to make a list of who I'm giving this award to. I'm just going to offer it to any of my 7 followers. If you want it and don't have it, just take it. The only catch is that you need to leave me a comment with a blog that you highly recommend I check out. I think that's fair.

Sick 'Em!

My mom got sick and is going to be in the hospital for a few days so I offered to take in my family dog. For most people (with most dogs) this would have been an easy decision. Mine was not so much. He's bad. I'm convinced my dog has ADHD and his behavioral issues are caused by this disorder. He also eats things.

He also has a reputation for not being the friendliest dog in the world. Sometimes he's really sweet and loving and wiggly and excited to see you, but if you take him through a toll booth then it's another story. It's a 5 1/2 hour drive from my hometown to where I live now and I pass through two toll booths. He goes all Kujo and scares the crap out of the guy and then I have to apologize for my rude dog.

Anyway...this effect is amplified when I don't like someone. Dogs seem to pick up on these things which is usually handy for protection but not so much when you're just trying to not get sued. I hate my roommate. My roommate hates me. My dog hates my roommate. It's a vicious cycle. Luckily I was able to grab him and he only almost dragged me across the entire apartment trying to rip off said roommates reproductive organs.

I know I shouldn't encourage this behavior but I couldn't help giving him a little snack.

I Can't See the Toilet Paper

After about a month of peeing in the dark I decided it was time to get light bulbs. They're remodeling my local Walmart and I haven't been able to find anything since they started. It took me 27 minutes to find the damn things.

Once I got up to the register I realized they wanted me to spend $15 on these energy saving light bulbs. Really? Can they charge that much for me to be able to see what I'm doing when I pee? They were fancy energy saving light bulbs. I'm moving out of my apartment in 3 weeks. I don't give a shit if I save the next tenants $24 in energy costs over the next 7 years.

Why don't they make "Moving out and don't give a shit let the new people worry about the electric bill" light bulbs?

I think I would be more energy concious if it were more affordable.

Crazy Eights

Jaime got me so here it goes.

8 Things I look forward to:

1. The end of the school year

2. Getting paid

3. Summer

4. Seeing my love this weekend

5. getting a bar tour together

6. sleeping in

7. dinner
8. recess

8 Things I did yesterday:

1. Worked

2. made dinner for a friend

3. dyed my hair =)

4. woke up late

5. got gas

6. woke up again to realize I still didn't buy milk and had to steal coffee from the coffee club

7. wrote plans

8. watched Family Guy

8 Things I wish I could do:

1. Read

2. Sleep

3. Own a house

4. Fix my own car

5. Be invisible

6. some type of super power...it doesn't even really matter

7. drive stick

8. grow money

8 Shows I watch:

1. Family Guy

2. South Park

3. LOST (I've watched this entire season and I still don't get this shit! I don't know why I'm still watching this.)

4. Law and Order SVU

5. House (I'm getting a little tired of this one too though. He always figures out what's wrong and makes everyone better just in the nick of time...too much)

6. Jon and Kate Plus 8

7. Dexter

8. What Not to Wear

Since I'm new to this blogging thing...I'm going to tag the 6 of you that read this thing...have fun.

The EX Factor

Dear Peers,

Please stop telling me about my ex and his new girlfriend. I have no interest in hearing what they are doing every second of the day. Yes, I know they date.

I also have no interest in the fact that her away message is filled with hearts and his name. I also do not care that you as her roommate cannot sleep because you are constantly awoken by the sound of them having sex. I have news for you...he wasn't that good.

It is bad enough that I need to see Mr. Gonzo-Nose every day of my life since we live in such close proximity. You people need to understand that whenever someone says something about him to me and he finds out it is automatically assumed that I'm starting drama and I don't need that shit.

Sincerely,
Happily sleeping with someone else =)