You Too Can Be a Stalker

I'm always talking about my stalking and how out of control it is. I realized that perhaps if I shared with you my methods of stalking then you would truly understand my problem.

I must warn you that if after reading this you are still not convinced that I have a problem then I'm afraid that you are a stalker too. If this is the case, I would happy to hear of any tips you may have to improve my technique.

Here it goes...

Facebook is my main stalking tool. I remember when I first got a facebook, it was not as easy to stalk people since you could only see those who were in your network or your friends. When this was the case myspace was the most useful stalking site. Eventually people caught onto this and began blocking their profiles so that stalkers could not see them.

I, however, found a way around this. I began looking over the shoulders of friends while they typed in their passwords. When the time was right, I would then sign on their accounts and friend request the person I wanted to stalk. Once this was accepted I could use my friends login to check up on them when I felt the need.

I know what you're wondering. "But Ice Queen, didn't your friends change their passwords once they knew you found out?" If they were good friends then they thought what I was doing was funny. If they were not so good friends then I would login to the account and change their password so that only I knew it. This worked well when I was stabbed in the back by a former friend. You should have seen the redecorating I did with her myspace layout. Something about dog biscuits...I can't remember exactly.

Eventually myspace died down and I had to work with what I had on Facebook. Again, the password thing worked for a while until I got sloppy and started leaving evidence behind that I had been on other accounts. The great part about Facebook now is that it's so casual that it's not creepy to request the friendship of someone you barely know. Once you're friends with this person, you're in! This is how I get to see new photos of people who aren't even on facebook. I just friend request their friends who I met once for 15.3 seconds at a crowded party.

The perfect excuse to friend request someone is to take a picture of them while they're out. If you're at a bar with someone and you're not really talking, just take a picture with them. Drunk people love pictures and will smile and pose with anyone in front of a camera. The next day you can send the facebook friend request because you "have" to tag them in that HILARIOUS picture of the two of you from the night before. Once this friend request is accepted, you can finally see what your best friend's ex's new boyfriend looks like (since he lives in the same apartment as the one you just took the picture with...they're all friends already!)

If you're still able to follow this then I salute you. I had no idea that I had this much to say about stalking. I have more information and tips to share with you but I'm afraid I'll have to make a whole other post about it. Sheesh! Now you can see how serious this situation is. Questions? Comments?