Night On The Town

I know I'm forever going on and on about college and you all know that I'm a loser who can't let go. I'll tell you something you probably don't know though...I also miss high school. I have a friend from back in the day who just got a position as a product manager with Yahoo and she's moving out to San Fransisco in a week or so. A bunch of us got together for dinner and some drinks to catch up.

We laughed, we drank, yadda yadda. The funny part came when we went to the bar. Mind you, this was the first time I've ever been in a bar outside my college town. I was under the impression that all bars are so packed with 20 somethings you can barely move. I'm not sure if any of you are aware, but this is not always the case. I walked into the bar and there were men there over 30. It was very strange. There were men in their 50's. Who would have known?

I felt very out of place. I have to say that I was looking cute that night as I do on almost every other night I go out. I imagine when my old high school chums saw me they were thinking something along the lines of "Wow...she's still so hot". Anywho...there were 2 girls there who graduated high school the year before me and one was wearing pajamas! Pajamas in a bar! I was shocked. How are you going to get free drinks at the bar when you wear pajamas?!

Eventually the DJ started to play my jams which include "Jesse's Girl", "Lose Your Love", "Don't Stop Believing", and "Paradise by the Dashboard Light". Sometime in the midst of these classics another girl I graduated with walked in. She had a tube top on and long blond hair extensions (you can't make this up people!). We stopped to chat for a moment. The conversation went something like this.

Tube Top Momma: Oh my God...I'm so wasted. I've been drinking since 3:30.
Classy Me: Wow...it's 11:30. Eight hours of drinking is really saying something. How is your baby?
Tube Top Momma: She's wonderful! I don't have her this weekend.
Classy Me: Thank God!

It really wouldn't surprise me if this girl brought her baby to the bar. I'm serious. Trash...but at least she wasn't wearing her pajamas.

My Text Log

My new short term goal is to get on mydrunktexts.com. Juvenile, I know but this is yet another thing I am obsessed with. I can be on this site for an hour at a time reading all the dumb texts college kids send to each other. I can't get enough.

I am determined to make it on this site! I make submit texts daily. Sometimes I even reword them to make it funnier. (Most of the time they aren't even drunk texts...just random things my friends send me that if anyone else read they would assume alcohol was involved.) So far I have had no luck but I remain hopeful. If you're ever really bored and looking for a cheap laugh then it's definitely something I would recommend checking out.

I've composed a list of some of my favorites...my texts will make it onto the world wide web somehow damnit! Here is a peek into my inbox.

"This creepy chick is staring at me from her window. She's a fat grape."

"I made another terrible decision...several times while watching Sin City."

"He walked into the party and said 'dibs'. I can't believe I went home with this douche!"

"I'm thinking about shaving before I go out tonight but I'm not sure the razor burn is worth the risk?"

"I'm at the Waffle Shop with him and I have the same shirt on that I wore to the bar last night. The old people think I'm his whore."

"Take one for the team...come up and check on me in 5 minutes but then go back downstairs and tell him I passed out on the toilet. Hopefully that will turn him off."

"I need a hobby that does not involve the internet. Even I'm beginning to get creeped out by my own facebook stalking."

"I just woke up alone on an air mattress with my ex's pillow and blanket. I hate my life."

Remember Me? Your Friend?

My entire life I've always gone through girlfriends like underwear. I hang out with a girl or group of girls for a while and then eventually we lose touch and don't talk until we randomly see each other at a diner a few years down the road.

For the most part this happens because eventually they all become absolutely obsessed with a boyfriend. Yes, that's right folks. I'm not in middle school or high school or even college. I'm in my twenties and this is still happening to me. I guess I have this aura about me that draws in crazy bitches who don't know what to do with themselves if a guys not around.

Take this story for example, when I was in high school I was on the cheerleading team and I had gotten really close with the girl who was captain. I would go as far as to say that we were best friends at the time. All of a sudden, she got a boyfriend and went absolutely nuts and quit the team because it was taking away from her "Joey time". She was on that team for 7 years and she just up and quit over Joey. And let me tell you...Joey was a loser. He had graduated high school the year before and was pretty much doing nothing with his life but making enough money at his part time job to support his weed habit.

I have another friend now who is having thisproblem post college. She met this guy in college and it was nice and convenient then, but now that they're both graduated and live 5-6 hours away their devotion to each other is slightly irritating. She organizes her work schedule so that she gets all of her days off in a row so that she can make the 5 hour trip to see him. She goes to visit this guy and all he does its talk about marriage and babies (and other shit that I'm too young to even hear other people talking about) then he cries because she's not paying enough attention to him. (Yes! He CRIES. You can't make this up people).

So she texts me Saturday night..."I think I'm going to break up with Sam. This is too much." Ya think? It took you 7 months to figure this out?

Just as I get all excited because I might actually have my friend back I get another text the next night. "God, I love him... :-D". WTF? Less than 32 hours ago you wanted to break it off with him and now you're using emoticons? This makes me sick. Even if you loved your boyfriend enough to not want to break up with him every other day, I still don't need you to text me to tell me how in love you are. It kind of makes me ill.

Do I text you the details of my love life? NO! I don't want to hear how in love you are...today. Text me when you get over your emotionally unstable relationship and want to get a drink...without him.

Don't Graduate, Celebrate!

I just got back from an amazing trip to my college town and got to see some old friends from back in the day. The county hold their annual fair right near the campus and it's a big weekend for students and alumni to make some memories. It felt like it was just yesterday that we were all living down the hall from each other and starting trouble all over that small town.

Between meeting up with random old flames and being invited for tequila shots with strangers it was really like we never left the place. In fact, I'll have you all know that someone asked me if I was a freshman and when I replied I was Alumni I think he wet himself. I didn't realize I looked so young. =) I decided that if I were rich I wouldn't go on a fancy trip or buy a fast car. Not me. I would become the next Ryan Reynolds as Van Wilder. I would strategically remain 3 credits short from graduating with a degree in at least 4 different majors. Yeah, if I had a million dollars I'd stay in college forever. Or buy you a monkey...you always wanted a monkey.

I saw a dead bear on the side of the road on my way back. I wish I saw it sooner so that I could have gotten a good pic. I almost ran myself off the road trying to text everyone I knew what I just saw. My sister was the only one who was really excited about it though. We were launched in a full text conversation about the size and location of this dead bear and I almost ran myself off the road...again.

I have Wicked today and I'm very excited. I love going into the city and I haven't been there in over a year. I'm hoping something funny happens but as I sit here thinking about it, how can it not?