Thursday, April 30, 2009

I'm Not a Person, I'm a Teacher

If someone had told me when I was going into the teaching profession that I would not be allowed to have a life then I never would have done it. I'm way too opinionated for this shit. I've heard horrows of teachers being called into meeting with the superintendent for being "too vocal at faculty meetings". (That's why I don't bother talking...but they bitch about that too.)

If I could speak to student teachers I would share my experience with them...because after two years of teaching I feel that I have enough experience to do that while still being young enough that they'll actually listen to me. For those of you who may not understand, here's some information about teachers you may be interested in.

1. We have no emotion other than happiness. Nothing ever bad happens in our lives.

2. We do not live with significant others. In fact, we don't have a boyfriends at all. Boys have cooties. If we happen to find a boy that is nice enough to marry then we do not have sex. All teachers hold the power of immaculate conception.

3. At the age of 23, I have never and will never taste a sip of alcohol. Teachers are allergic to alcohol. We don't associate with people who drink alcohol and very few of us have ever actually seen a bottle of alcohol in person.

4. We like everyone. I have never met a single person that I didn't like. We don't think bad people even exist.

5. We are not real people and don't have our own lives outside of our classroom. (We have beds that lower down from the ceilings).