Tuesday, February 16, 2010

RTT: Secrets of Love

-Remember when I was talking about Penn State giving me transcript troubles? You know, how I placed the order for transcripts to be mailed out 2 weeks ago? Yeah...they never arrived. If I have to face the force of nature to venture up those mountains to State College I'm going to bring a can with me.

-This weekend I spent my first Valentine's Day single in 10 years. Maybe some of you can do the math on that...I'm not that old. I've had a Valentine every year since I was 13.

I thought about writing a post about it....love. I played around with the idea of writing down things men do wrong, but then I came to the realization that maybe men aren't really doing anything wrong. Even if they were, I'm sure they don't care what I have to say about it. Then I heard this song...
Then I realized that there is no secret to love. It just happens. It usually happens when you're not looking for it...at least that's when it happened for me.

-Speaking of Michael Buble...he's my hottie this week (after many weeks without one). I think it's time to bring them back.
- My friend thinks he discovered the secret to love while watching a movie. The problem with this secret is that it doesn't work on yourself...in fact it won't work if you know about it at all. If you know the secret, you must use it selflessly for others. I'll tell you if you want to know...but if you don't then stop reading....

I'll wait...

...are they gone?

Okay! Here it is! The secret to love...

You need to find 2 people in a room/bar/party who have no idea the other one exists. They need to be 2 completely average looking people (Not gorgeous, not fugly) and if one has already noticed the other this won't work. You go up to each one individually and say something like, "See that guy/girl over there? Yeah, that one. He/she told me you were cute." Once you say this to both of them, the wheels will start turning and one will go talk to the other one. Then you just sit back and watch love develop out of thin air. I'm telling you...these two will be together forever. Trust me on this one.

Okay...the rest of you can come back now.

- Have you ever had one of those days when your iPod or iTunes is on shuffle and it just keeps playing all the right songs? Whatever you're feeling at that moment...the iPod just knows. It's creepy. I'm sure Apple will legitimately come out with a product that will read human emotion. Just like how Mercedes came out with a model that senses when you're dozing off at the wheel and wakes you up. Some people think that's really cool. I think it's the creepy. I'm surprised human beings aren't part machine already.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

I'm Off the Clock

Work in a convenience store in a small city and people start to notice you.

This is what happens when I try and go out on a Saturday night with friends. I step outside of the grill for some fresh air and this conversation happens...

Jerk: Hey, ShopSmart girl! Can I get a pack of Parliments?

Ice Queen: Hey! Can you go f*** yourself?

I really said that. I need out.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Thanks for Looking Out for the Alumni

Almost a full year after my graduation, Penn State is continuing to make my life way more difficult than it needs to be. I finally got a position in a local school district (it's low on the totem pole, but I guess in tough times we need to start somewhere). While I've technically had this position for several months now, I haven't actually started yet. Apparently when you want to teach they charge lots of money for little things that prove you're not a menace to society.

City Fee: $10 Not too shabby.

County Substitute Certificate: $127 Seriously? The department of education is charging me to work for them?

Fingerprinting: $72.75 This one really annoyed me. I've already been fingerprinted and can be found in the FBI database, but since my prints were taken in Pennsylvania they don't count in New Jersey? Did my DNA make up change when I crossed the state border? That's right, if I commit a crime in any state they can find me based on my PA prints but if I try to do something like get a job, I can't be found. Go figure.

That brings me to a grand total of $209.75. I'm not going to embarrass myself by telling you all how long it takes me to make that much money. Let's just say that I didn't exactly have that much cash on me at the time (and saving for a new car after totaling the one I just put a few hundred dollars of work into kind of added to the money problem).

Wait...I'm forgetting who I'm pissed at right now. Sometimes it's hard to keep track of these sorts of things. So I got all the money and got fingerprinted, drug tested, and was cleared for tuberculosis. Things are wonderful because I don't have to stand behind a counter and be hit on by creepers anymore.

Not so much...

Literally 15 minutes after getting home from the drug test I get a call from the board of education. They won't accept my transcripts and I have to get the original copy sent from Penn State.


I go online to try and get my transcripts. My student account has expired and they won't release my transcript over the internet because they don't know if it's really me or not. I had to call them. I HATE when I have to talk to the people from Penn State. They're all either incompetent or just plain nasty.

Incompetent PSU Employee: Penn State Registrar, Jane speaking.

Ice Queen: Hello, Jane. I would like to request a copy of my transcript.

Jane: Any transcript request has to be made online or by mail.

Ice Queen: I'm not a student anymore so I don't have a login. How do I get my transcript?

Jane: Do we have your signature on file?

Ice Queen: I don't know. I went there for 4 years. How could you not have my signature on file?

Jane: (after looking me up) We don't have it. We won't release a transcript without your signature because we don't know if it's really you or not.

Ice Queen: So I have to come up there and sign a paper before you can release my transcript?

Jane: No, you can print out a form online and fax it to us.

That sounds simple, right? They don't know that it's really me when I request the transcript online, but I can request a signature form online, print it out, sign it, fax it and then they'll believe me?

Is anyone else thinking what I'm thinking?


All anyone would need to know is my name and student identification number to get that signature form. By the way...both my name and student id number are on file in the alumni directory. I looked myself up since I couldn't remember my student id number.

I guess it doesn't matter who's trying to get my transcript...as long as someone pays the $10 for it.