Tuesday, December 22, 2009

RTT: Deliver My Presents

-Hottie of the Week: James Lafferty. Does anyone watch "One Tree Hill"? Well, you should. It's been my favorite show since they took "The OC" away from me (I'm still bitter about it). Anywho...his character on the show was a real ass when it first came on and then they made him into this superhero family guy. He looks good as either....yum!

-Did anyone see the Giants game? Where the hell were the Redskins while my boys were doing one amazing thing after the other? Christmas has come early this year and Santa is a fan of Big Blue! =)

-Christmas is 3 days away and I have 4 more people to buy gifts for. I know, some of you are thinking "Oh my Lord, why did she wait until last minute?". In reality, I'm ahead of schedule.

-I need to congratulate those hard working folks at the post office and other private shipping companies. My Kindle arrived safe and sound before the holidays. Those people are true miracle workers.

- I was finally on my way back to getting back to my blogging but then I got strep. It was painful but this week I will get back...hopefully.

- The tri state area got a "blizzard" over the weekend. All anyone can talk about is how much snow we got and how much of a pain it's been. I don't get what all the fuss is about. We didn't get any more snow this weekend than Penn State gets during any given week between Thanksgiving and St. Patrick's Day. Some of these people need to relax.

- My friend sent me this video...I didn't know these types of things existed. Maybe some of you can benefit from this?

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Letter to the Gym

Dear Local Gym,

I would first like to thank you for being a block away from my house. Your location is very much appreciated. However, there is one matter I would like to discuss in order to make your facility a better place for everyone (well at least for me).

First, I would like to know who set up your gym. I went to a gym in Pennsylvania and they had their treadmills in the back. You put yours in the front. Why? I'm very self conscious about my butt and I do not appreciate the old sweaty men who sit on the machines behind me while I am trying to run. Seriously, could you move the weight machines in front of the treadmills so that I am not oogled as I try to tighten up my ass?

Thanks so much,
The young chick trying to work off the last of the extra college pounds

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Tailgating is an Art Form


My cousins' grandfather (unfortunately on the other side of their family) is a New York Giant season ticket holder. That means these girls get to go to a bunch of games a season...lucky bitches. The great thing about cousins is that when an extra ticket comes along they help you out.

Truth be told I didn't even like football until I got to college. After my father moved out my mother swore off the sport and since I was hardly around men I never formed an appreciation for it.

Then I went to Penn State.

It's pretty much impossible to go to Penn State and not develop an appreciation for the greatest sport ever. After about a month I found myself glued to my television all day on the weekends. My weekend schedule was set in stone for the next 4 years of my life.

Friday Night: Beer Pong/discuss upcoming oponents

Saturday: College game day Penn State vs. whatever-hated-team-was-scheduled.
Saturday Night: Celebrate/Mourn Loss/Discuss upcoming oponents

Sunday: NFL game day: Giants vs. whatever-hated-team-was-scheduled

Despite the fact that most of my college friends were Eagles fans I decided to stick with the Giants. They were my father's team and I always held a soft spot for them in my heart.

My love for the Giants only grew when I spotted some pictures of Eli Manning...yum.

Anywho...ever since my freshman year of college I've wanted to go to a Giants/Eagles game. I felt it was my destiny. You can't imagine the excitement when the best cousin ever told me she got tickets. Family is truly a treasure.

Sunday afternoon was absolutely amazing. It was cold and it poured all day long but we couldn't be stopped. The tents went up, the tarps were hung, the grill was lit, and 3 packed coolers were rolled out into the mud. It was like college all over again. My cousin is a tailgating professional. She packs her car with everything one could possible want or need at a tailgate. She deserves a damn merit badge. We started out with 5 people and I think our highest count reached 20 at one point. Just laughing, eating, and beer pong.

It was just then that I remember thinking to myself, "Wow, this is absolutely amazing. Nothing could ruin this day."

Then the game happened...some of us cried.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Just Think Happy Thoughts

So apparently when I leave my blog for a hiatus (pretty much because I haven't been able to think of anything else but the New York Giants for the past 2 weeks) I come back to find that I have been very dearly missed.

Missed so much in fact that I've been left an award by my lovely pal Single and Shallow. If you haven't checked her out then you most definitely should. I know you're all dying to hear about the sex life of a hot 20 something.

Anywho...the award comes with rules but they're pretty easy. I have to tell you 10 things that make me happy. There are lots of things that make me happy because I'm just that kind of girl but I've narrowed it down to ten.

1. Tailgating. I had an absolute amazing time tailgating on Sunday. It was cold and pouring and like nothing else and reminded me of my days at Penn State. It was simply amazing.

2. Lady GaGa: Yes, she's the most recent object of my obsession. I can't stop listening to her. The second I get in my car I just have to blast my stock stereo speakers to the point of no return because I need the entire city to be able to hear my jamming out with her. Her songs are the epitome of being in your 20's. Give it a listen and enjoy these years while they last and if you're older than that then give her a listen anyway so that you can relive the memories.
Okay...so maybe I should have warned you that she's a bit of a weirdo but that's kind part of the appeal.

3. Sex. Is there anyone who doesn't get a little happier after it? I don't think there is.

4. Text messages. If you're anything like me there's a little light inside of you that sparks on everytime you hear that little chime. Maybe it's someone you have the hots for or maybe it's just your best friend who you never get to see because she lives in the next state :sigh: Either way it means someone thought about you and took 3 seconds out of their life to tell you something. It's also a nice little way to pass the time.

Yes! I literally just got one! That was creepy. It was my cousin...she obviously loves me.

5. The shore. I've been having serious withdrawals since Labor Day and winter as barely even begun. I'm not sure if I'll make it to Memorial Day without a visit. If I don't make it then tell my family I want to be cremated with my ashes spread in the ocean so we will never part again.

6. A clean room. I love coming home after a stressful day to a nice tidy room. It's just a shame I have such trouble keeping it that way.

7. Candy. I grew out of sweets for a while but now I'm back. I'm not sure how I've gone this long without it.

8. Hotties...yum!

9. Scented candles. I smoke so the candles are absolutely necessary...and all the cool kids light candles.

10. Blogging. You guys make me pretty happy. I love reading about your families and your jobs and your sex lives. Thanks for sharing!

I'm going to share this award too. Once again, if I read your blog then you make me happy and you deserve this one.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

RTT: I Need a Doctor...Not You...Yeah, Him

-I skipped last week...and a lot of other things.

- Went to the Giants game this weekend. It was everything I ever dreamed it would be (just with a downpour). There was food, drink, a buttload of crazy 20 somethings. We had amazing time...but then the game itself happened. I never realized until yesterday how many of my facebook friends are Eagles fans. But that's what I get for going to college in Pennsylvania.

-Christmas is a week and a half away?? I haven't started shopping yet. No joke. I'm a little worried but it's not like I get my shopping done any earlier any other year so what's the difference this time. It always works out so I'm sure I have absolutely nothing to worry about.

-Hottie of the Week: Shane West. I loved Shane back in the day when he was in Whatever it Takes with James Franco. Most of you would probably know him from his latest appearance on ER. Does anyone remember the show Once and Again with Sella Ward? No? My mom watched it...anywho he was the brother on that show too. My favorite role of his was Landon Carter in A Walk to Remember. He does this pout kind of face that's crazy hot....yum.

-New Years Eve is absolutely my favorite holiday. The only problem is that I feel so much pressure to make it absolutely spectacular. I feel that it's a non spoke competition among 20 something's to have the wildest New Years Eve and I'm all for it...just don't go rubbing your good time in my face. I was perfectly happy with what I was doing until you came along and tried to tell me I was lame. What are you guys doing New Years Eve?

Want more? UnMom

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Where's Buffy? Edward Needs a Slaying

I want to talk about something that everyone else is talking about.

I want to talk about vampires.

Before you go flipping on to the next blog that is discussing the Twilight saga allow me to be more specific. I want to talk about real vampires (maybe not "real" in the sense that they actually exist, but "real" in the sense of what they are supposed to be. They're supposed to be scary, blood sucking creatures of the night...no sparkly, emo high school kids who live under the overcast skies of the Pacific Northwest.

I'll admit that I've never read Twilight. I'll also admit that I shouldn't knock something before I've tried it, but I'm drawing the line at this one. People who read Twilight are obsessed (just be honest with yourselves). They're not bad people...just obsessed. I don't want to become another girl wishing she could be the next Mrs. Edward Cullen. I will also have you know that Robert Pattinson does absolutely nothing for me. That's right. Sorry to disappoint you ladies but you will never see him as a hottie of the week on this blog. I also feel the need to stress that Kristen Stewart always looks high as a friggin cloud. Am I the only one who has noticed this? Yes? Okay then...moving on.

When I was in middle school I had this idea for a television show. I never told anyone about this idea because I came to the realization that the whole idea of it was absolutely ridiculous and that no one would watch it. I really wish that I would have told someone about it because I was apparently ahead of my time and I would have made myself a lot of money.

Picture this as a pilot...girl and boy go to homecoming dance. They're high school sweethearts, totally in love, and nothing will ever come between them....not even death (see where I'm going with this?). After the dance boy gets attacked by a vampire gang and the whole town thinks he's dead. The girl is completely beside herself with grief and doesn't know how she'll ever move now that boy is dead...luckily for her the boy comes back as the undead. He's now a vampire and the vampire gang that turned him is now after her and he has to protect her from them.

Sound familiar??? You may be saying to yourself..."Wow, this sounds a lot like Twilight and you thought of it first". If you were saying that then you would be partially right...because I did think of it before the Twilight saga became a widespread epidemic, but I didn't think of it first. There was already a tv show about a human teenage girl in love with a vampire.

That's right folks....Buffy the Vampire Slayer thought of the whole idea of this human girl loves vampire boy thing. Doesn't anyone remember Buffy and Angel and their tragic love affair before he broke off to have his own spin off series? I'll go for David Boreanaz over Robert Pattinson anyday.

Sure Twilight changed some of the details but the story line is all the same. They're in love and they can't be together because that would mean him giving into his primal instincts which would inevitably lead to him eating her.
(Didn't Edward let Bella drink his blood to save her life though??? Oh that's right....Angel did the same thing for Buffy...or he drank her blood to save his life. What's the difference?).

Oh, and the whole werewolf thing? Yeah...that was a movie too. It's called Underworld. You should rent it. It was more action than Twilight without the teenage angst.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

RTT: I'm Picking Up Photography

- My thoughts are short and sweet today as I'm currently developing 2 other ideas and those are all I've been able to think about lately. More on that to follow...

-I am so sick of the street sweeper. I hate the fact that I need to memorize the schedule of someone else so that I can park my car safely without a ticket. It's driving me insane.

-Today is the first day of December and marks the end of 2009. Has anyone else realized that this is not only the end of a year but the end of a decade?! I just realized this last week. I'm serious. This is the first decade I can remember in it's entirety. This is a really big deal for me.

-Hottie of the Week: Ashton Kutcher. I feel the need to specify that it is not all Ashton Kutcher. It's Aston Kutcher on those Nikon commercials.This commercial makes me wish I was a model so that Ashton could take pictures of me all day long. Seriously. Yum!

-Speaking of hotties...I'm trying to get a slideshow type thing on my sidebar so that all of you can see my past hotties of the week. (I know you all really miss Jensen Ackles!) It's too bad that I'm design challenged. Can anyone help?

Like these random tidbits I like to call thoughts? Check out UnMom for more.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Thanks Simple Things!

I've decided to compile a list of things I'm thankful for. My friend asked me what I was thankful for the other day and of course I was about to rattle through all those things we all say we're thankful for...

Me: I'm thankful for my family, friends...
Friend: No...we're all thankful for those things. What are the simple things you're thankful for? I'm thankful for pockets.
Me: Pockets?
Friend: Yes, pockets. Sometimes I don't have enough stuff to carry a whole bag. My pockets are perfect.

So here are the simple things in life that I'm thankful for.

-I'm thankful that my town's police department still breaks into cars with manual locks.

-I'm thankful my car has manual locks.

-I'm thankful that most food is microwavable and I don't actually have to cook it since I'm so bad at it.

-I'm thankful that the New York Giants finally won a football game.

-I'm thankful that I can look up a song title and artist with only one little obscure lyric from that song. If I don't know it...google does.

-I'm thankful that somewhere along the course of human history, someone came up with idea of domesticating dogs. I love my dog. I think that was a great idea! I imagine that in some small village somewhere, the town idiot was in the woods and came across a wolf. Everyone else was afraid of the wolf but this crazy loon said to himself, "Hey! I want one!" Think about it...they probably wanted to lock this guy up for insanity. A wolf? As a pet?

I'm also thankful that I can make up crazy reasons like this to explain the domestication of animals.

-I'm thankful that I've realized I'm young and will no longer base my life around my second job's work schedule. I'm going to go out on the weekends and I'll suck it up and go to work the next day. I'm young and I need to take advantage of it.

-I'm thankful that I never had an acne problem.

-I'm thankful that I'm strong enough to not allow PETA to ruin my turkey consumption.

-I'm thankful that Ben Franklin did not succeed in naming the turkey as the national bird of the United States. If he had, we would probably be eating eagle instead and that just doesn't sound as delicious.

What are some of the simple things you're thankful for? Please...no mushy stuff.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

RTT: Oh, Eli

- Hottie of the Week: Eli Manning. That's right folks. The New York Giants have finally won a damn football game. Let me tell you...it feels good. I'm convinced it's because Sunday was my mother's birthday. I told her that this was one of the best gifts she got this year. Eli loves his future mother in law and he would never lose on her birthday.Enough with the creepiness though...he's adorable. How can you not love this?
She said he's adorable...and she's right! Yum!

- I heard somewhere that the average American locks his or her keys in the car twice in their life. I've already done it 4 times (3 of them were this year alone). Techinically that means I've done it enough for me and someone else. Someone in this country will never lock their keys in the car thanks to me. I expect a thank you gift. I saved you about $90.

Update: I locked my keys in my car AGAIN TODAY!! RIGHT AFTER POSTING THIS!

- Does anyone have an Amazon Kindle? I think that's so clever and I really want one. They're still pricey though. Perhaps I can lock my keys in my car a few more times to save others from the pain and then they can all go in on buying one for me. That was a logical thought process, right?


Check out UnMom for the original

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Dear Me

I saw that Otin did one of these a while back and I absolutely fell in love with the idea. Only problem was I had trouble figuring out what I would say to myself but I think I've come up with something.

Dear Past Self,

Damn, you're cute.

I know you think you're chubby and you walk around that high school keeping to yourself but you should really let go every once in a while. I hate to break it to you but once you get to college you're gonna make some bad partying decisions and pack on 50lbs. Don't panic! You'll lose most of it but you'll never have that perfect high school curve ever again so skip the tankini and go for the string bikini instead. You will not regret this decision.

When you get to college there will be a lot of choices you'll have to make. I thought about telling you to avoid certain people but then decided against it. Knowing you, you'll over think it and f*** everything up for us. I don't want you to do that. Just go with your gut and don't ever let anyone tell you what to do. You'll be okay.

Love,
A Wiser Version of Yourself

..........................................................

Dear Current Self,

Damn, you're cute.

It's been a long road hasn't it? I can't believe we've made it this far and lived to tell the tale (and what a tale it is).

There are a lot of things you're questioning right now. Did you make the right decisions? What if you did that other thing instead? Personally, I don't think all of these "what if"s are going to get us anywhere. This is the way things are, but this isn't the way things will stay forever. We need to keep our head up and keep moving on. You'll be okay.

Love,
Your Crazy Self

........................................................

Dear Future Self,

Damn, I hope you're still cute.

I also hope we have a cute husband, cute kids, cute dog, and cute house. I also hope that I did not depress you due to the fact that you have none of those things. If you don't, then I'm sure there's still time. No one specified just how far in the future you are.

Remember the student teaching dinner when that middle school principal told us that the only way to keep our sanity is to keep doing what we enjoy doing? Follow his directions. Keep doing the writing thing. We enjoy it and it's helped us over the past year.

Maybe you're not young anymore and I know that you're a little sad about that, but we had fun dammit! We had our day and now it is time to pass the torch on to the next generation. Don't be that old person who is still wearing my clothes. They don't look as cute on you as they did on me.

Also, continue to keep your head up. It's gotten us pretty far until now. You'll be okay.

You are okay, right??

Love,
A More Foolish Version of Yourself

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Have You Met My Best Frenemy?

I wrote this on my old blog last year and a lot of my readers enjoyed it (which isn't saying much because I think I only had 8 or so at the time). Anywho, I've read a few posts about frenemies and I wanted to share my own insights. That's when I realized I already did.

So here's a snipit from the old blog (don't you love how I'm slowly giving away my identity?). Hope you enjoy!

My mentor and I were having a conversation today about two of the girls in our class. Sara and Alana are best friends. Today at recess Sara was playing with a bug she had found and Alana came over and stomped on it. In a typical kindergarten fashion, they both came over to tell us about it. Once they walked away I turned to my mentor and said that they’re destined to be life long frenemies. After a minute or so of hysterical laughter, she convinced me to write a blog about it.

Frenemy: (n) Someone who is both a friend and enemy, a relationship that is both mutually beneficial or dependent while being competitive, fraught with risk and mistrust.

Of course, I continued this conversation with a friend of mine. Being of the male gender, he was completely confused by the entire idea of a frenemy. I don’t blame him…it’s something that I don’t quite understand myself. One of the most interesting things about frenemies is that they seem to be female, therefore boys do not understand them. “I don’t get it,” a boy may say, “if you don’t like someone then don’t be friends with them.” Silly boys, if only it were that simple.

I have to admit that I’ve had my fair share of frenemies in my past. In fact, I can remember having frenemies way back in first grade. If you’re a girl, frenemies are just a part of life. The worst part about frenemies is that as much as you want to cut them out of your life, you realize that you need them for something. Maybe she has the best toys? Maybe you need her to pass a class? Maybe she has a really cute brother? Maybe she knows your deepest darkest secret and you cannot afford to make her angry? (This one has always been my downfall.) Whatever the reason it’s not a situation a girl enjoys getting into. Luckily, I’ve compiled a list of things to look out for when trying to avoid frenemies.

BEWARE: FRENEMIES COME IN ALL AGES, SHAPES, COLORS, AND SIZES. DO NOT GET CAUGHT OFF GUARD!!!!

First Grade Frenemy: This is the girl in the class who likes to buy friends. Sure, she offers you her Beauty and the Beast pencil…little do you know she’s about to go tell the teacher that you stole it from her! Don’t worry though…she’ll always offer you some of her snack at lunch to make up for any confusion.

Fifth Grade Frenemy: This is the girl who calls you on the phone so that the two of you can take about how much you hate Paige…little do you know that she has Paige on three way and she’s listening to the whole conversation! Don’t worry though…she’ll invite you over to her pool party to make up for any confusion.

Ninth Grade Frenemy: This is the girl who you confess your undying love for the guy in fourth period to. She’ll promise you to put in a good word since she sits behind him…little do you know that she secretly wants him for herself and eventually you’ll find them making out at the next hockey game. Don’t worry though…she’ll get her hot brother to ask you out in order to make up for any confusion.

College Frenemy: This is the girl who likes to go out and have a good time. She’ll invite you out with her and some other friends so that you can have a bonding experience…little do you know she’s about to leave you stranded with her boyfriend’s creepy cousin and no way home. Don’t worry though…she’ll buy the next round in order to make up for any confusion.

This is where my frenemy experience ends. I’m sure I’m bound to have many more as I continue on the journey of life. You’d think a girl would learn…

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

That Would Look Much Cuter on Me


I am the master of getting things I want.

When I say "things I want" it usually means that I want to get my hands on one of those tshirts that the Bud Light girls are throwing around the bar. Unfortunately, the Bud Light girls never throw a tshirt to me (I knew there was a reason I like the Bacardi girls better). They do however throw a shirt to the guy right next to me.

Me: I wanted one. I can't believe that bee-otch didn't throw me a tshirt...again!
My Super Gay BFF: Tell the guy next to you that you want his.
Me: Would that be mean?
SGBFF: Of course...but who cares?

Me: ::tap on the shoulder:: Excuse me...what's your name?
Tshirt Guy: Who me?
Me: Yes, you! ::giggle::
Tshirt Guy: Mike
Me: Hi, Mike. I'm Ice Queen. I think you should give me that tshirt.
Tshirt Guy: This one? What will I get out of this deal?
Me: Ummm...I have some gum?
Tshirt Guy: I'm kidding. You don't have to give me your gum. Here you go. ::hands tshirt over::

Now that was almost too easy

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

RTT: Elmo Started a Fire on My Blog


- My new favorite text:

"IQ, I looked up South Jersey on Facebook and he has the corniest pic sticking his tongue in his young gf's mouth with his perfect gay eyebrows"

...good to know I'm not the only one with a Facebook problem.

- It seems that everyone is upgrading their blogs and making them all fancy. I think I want a fancy blog too. I'm just not sure where to begin or how to do all that coding and designing and stuff. I guess I'll just stick with my plain jane look.

-My new favorite guy quote:

"He said her ass was too big but I didn't think so. I mean, she had a booty but it was tight."

...yeah, I need more girlfriends.

- I wish fishnets were socially acceptable. I wore them with my Halloween costume and I found them to be very flattering. I'm not crazy about my legs but these made them look AMAZING!

-Hottie of the Week: I swear Rob Lowe does not age. I wasn't sure if I should post an old picture or a new picture of him and that's when I realized it. This man made a deal with Lucifer and he made it at the perfect moment in his life...right after "St. Elmo's Fire". All the pictures are the same with different haircuts. That's something you can depend on...yum!
- The lovely Rebel Mother loves my blog! This is a huge honor seeing as how I love her blog (and so should you)! If I follow you, I love your blog too so you can scoop this up. Don't be like me...everytime someone posts that on their blog I get too shy and don't take it. I think something like "Surely, they're refering to everyone but me". In this case, I'm talking to you ;-)

Go ahead...I know you want it.

Check out UnMom for the original Random Tuesday Thoughts

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

They Haven't Discovered a Big Enough Diamond for Me

I've honestly lost track of the number of girls my age who have gotten married since high school. I have a serious bone to pick with these chicks! I understand that you found the love of your life and are just chomping at the bit to have at least 3 more of his kids to add to the 2 you already have but enough is enough! Just because you want to play house doesn't mean I have to do it with you.

Every time I run into someone it's the same comments over and over...

"Are you engaged yet?"
"Where's the ring?"
"When's the wedding?"
"When are you going to settle down?"
"When I was your age I was pregnant with baby #2."

I can't take it anymore. Get off me! There are several reasons why I'm not engaged and I feel that they are very well thought out reasons. Allow me to share them with you.

1. I don't know any man in my age bracket who can afford the diamond I want. I've designed several engagement rings that I would like to have and the cheapest one came to about $10,500. I wasn't even that crazy about it once everything was all said and done.

2. I don't want to cook. I can't cook. I don't cook for myself let alone someone else. I'm just not sure if I could live with someone else's growling stomach hanging over my head. I can't deal with the pressure.

3. I don't want a baby. Don't get me wrong...I love kids. I enjoy my friends' babies. I may even babysit them if I'm feeling spicy! I love kids so much that I spent about $100K so that I could become qualified to work with them all day long, but when all is said and done I come home at the end of the day and it's quiet. I like not having to unplug the safety protectors off my outlets when I want to use them. I like knowing that if I drop a book of matches on the floor that I can leave them there until I feel like picking them up. I like being able to go to the mall without lugging a 20lb diaper bag and stroller along with me. I'm a hot mess and for me to have a baby along with it would just be a danger to our nations youth. I don't want to be responsible for ruining the future.

4. I'm still debating between a super expensive glamorous wedding or eloping at a little beach resort. I've been debating this for a long time and I don't plan on deciding anytime soon. A ring on my finger would only push the decision and I would make the wrong choice for the wrong reasons. Why would you want me to live with that?

Don't take this the wrong way. I have no problem with people my age who are married. I know a few that are very happy and they're great together. I'm just saying that it's not for me so don't force it down my throat. Chill with that sh**!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

RTT: Enough With the Yankees

- I was really feeling down because apparently all of my favorite sports teams are crap. However, I've come to the conclusion that the Giants are losing because Eli Manning is jealous of my newfound love for Jensen Ackles. I'd like to see them fight about it...in jello.

- I think I need to stop watching soap operas. I'm obsessed with One Life to Live and I'm beginning to find connections between the show and my real life. I'm not quite sure that's normal. However, Hottie of the Week Alum Matt Walton is on it so I guess I can't complain.

- Hottie of the Week: Robert Buckley from One Tree Hill. He's hot and he's broken. Something about a guy still in love with his dead ex wife makes my heart melt. I just want to fix him...yum!
- The Yankees won the World Series. Woohoo! Now I can finally go back to hating them. The world is normal again. It's clear that New York favors the Yankees over my Mets. It's not right but it's something I've learned to live with. I've already predicted next year's match up.That's right, folks. You heard it here first.

- I worked an overnight last week at the convenience store. I wasn't meant for them. It was pretty terrible. A drunk guy came in. He was about my age and only moderately obnoxious. He told me this whole story about how he works in a doctor's office cleaning up poop for 7.50 an hour. If I were him, I'd probably drink a lot too.

- This lovely award was bestowed upon my lovely blog by the lovely Theresa over at An Officer and a Garbage Can. Perhaps you've seen her in my comments if you haven't seen her blog already. She really is lovely!Passing this one on to...
Crazy Charm
NYC Housewife in Training
Midtown Girl
Martinis or Diaper Genies?
Sweet-Britches

Can't get enough of these random little tidbits I like to call "thoughts"? Check out UnMom for more.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

RTT: Team Brenda

-I hate Maroon 5. I know everyone's really into them and their lyrics speak to so many people, but I really don't give a shit. I don't like Adam Lavigne. I don't think he's hot. I don't like the sound of his voice and to be completely honest with you...I'm 83% convinced he's a total douche.

-Hottie of the Week: Ryan Reynolds. I just saw The Proposal this weekend and couldn't stop thinking of Joanie. I've loved him since "Two Guys, A Girl, and a Pizza Place". Does anyone remember this show? No? That's okay...it wasn't very good. Ryan was the only reason it lasted as long as it did.
Now I realize why she was going on about that shower scene for weeks on end...yum!

-Does anyone watch the new 90210? Kelly Taylor is still a skank. Yeah...I said it. Team Brenda all the way.
- I had an absolutely AMAZING time this weekend meeting up with Otin and MG in the city. I wish we could do it at least once a month. I would also like to mention that Otin is NOT a weirdo. Haha

-I'm really tired of the Facebook statuses that keep saying "miss you baby", "<3 you", and have the date you and your boyfriend hooked up. No one cares that you're in love and you're making me ill.

-I really wish that these damn New York teams would stop allowing the Pennsylvania teams to win! The Yankees are still up but WTF happened to the Giants?!?! I'm not sure what they're defense is doing but they need to pull it the f*** together!

Check out UnMom for the original RTT

Friday, October 30, 2009

Honest Scrap


This award was bestowed upon me by the super hot Alix at Casa Hice. (She says I'm her hero) I now have to fess up to 10 honest things about myself. This gift was left to me some time ago but I've been having trouble deciding what to write. It's hard to decide what to keep to yourself and what to post on the internet. Anyone else having this problem??

1. I have an irrational fear of birds. (Have I already mentioned this?). I say it is an irrational fear because I have never been attacked by a bird, I've never seen anyone attacked by a bird, and I've never actually seen the Hitchcock film yet whenever I see one I'm almost paralyzed in fear. I don't like their squwak, their feet, or the noise their wings make when they flap. I've cried before because a pigeon was too close to me.

...I also feel the need to mention that I don't hate ducks. In fact, I really enjoy ducks. Go figure.

2. You know those statuses on facebook? Dumb question...of course you all know exactly what I'm talking about. Well, mine is usually a song lyric. I'm not really sure why I do it (we already know I have plenty of my own words). I guess I just find it better to express my inner most emotions through someone else's famous words.

3. When I was in fifth grade, I pulled the fire alarm during lunch and the whole school was evacuated. Everyone showed up. Fire engines, cops, the works. I told my teacher that it was me but it was an accident and the alarm got caught on the back of my jacket while I was leaning up against it. She praised me for being so honest and telling the truth. It was kind of the truth. It was me. I just changed the details.

4. Before the age of digital cameras I used to keep my old film containers and sniff them. I love the smell of a fresh 35mm roll of film. It's simply irresistable. How can it be permissable? It compromised my principle. Yeah yeah yeah... (You liked that right? Robert Palmer song lyrics? I told you I had a problem).

5. I love 80's music. I've said to friends on numerous occassions that I was born 10 years too late. It really saddens me that I missed out on so many great songs when everyone else loved them too. Now when I walk around telling people that when the working day is done girls just wanna have fun, they stare at me funny. Sigh

6. When I sleep, my legs have to be touching something. I need to have a pillow, a chunk of blanket, or the leg of someone else between them. This is not a sexual thing...just comfort.

7. I believe that Yellowcard's "Only One" is one of (if not the) greatest love song of my generation. I was talking with a friend about this the other day and he agreed with me. It's perfect. The video is perfect. I want someone to sing this to me while I slide delicate flowers down gun barrels. There is no way you can argue against how epic this song is. You could try, but you would failAlso, this guy is pretty hot (and I'm not that into blondes).

8. When I was in college my go to soundtrack before a night of partying was New Kids on the Block. Yes, NKOTB rocks my socks! I don't care how old Jordan Knight is. He's still got the right stuff...baby. Love the way you turn me on.

9. It is my opinion that the worst feeling in the entire world is wet socks. Nothing makes me crazier than walking into the bathroom or kitchen and stepping in a puddle of water with my socks on. I need to rip the sock off my foot immediately or I will drive myself insane.

10. When I was student teaching, a teacher said mentioned an artcile that she had read. In this article there was a quote from a high school principal stating that when you are an educator you give up your right to free speech. She told me the thought disgusted her and I'll never forget it because it disgusts me too. I got into a lot of trouble while student teaching for sharing my opinions about people. At first I asked myself, "When did it stop being okay for a college kid to have a hard time?". Now I ask myself, "When did it become okay for an entire group of individuals to be silenced because of the fear of upsetting others?". I love teaching and there's nothing else I would rather do but at the end of the day I'm just a girl trying to make her own way.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Random Tuesday Thoughts: Pick It Up! Damn You!

- If candy corn were around all year, would it still be just as delicious? I don't think it would be.

- I'm meeting up with Otin and another blogger friend for lunch this weekend and I'm totally pumped! We're going to stalk go see the Optimistic Pessimist run the NYC Marathon. Maybe we'll actually see her. Anyone else want to get in on this?

-Hottie of the Week: Matt Walton. If you live in New Jersey then you know him from the Optimum cable commercial. He's also on the soap One Life to Live right now. He was in a towel a few weeks ago...yum!
-My mother doesn't pick up after the dog. It's disgusting. I get dirty looks everytime I walk him. I feel the need to parade the the bag of crap around and shout to the heavens so people notice that it is not me leaving his presents all over the ground.

-My friend sent me this video and I thought it was hilarious! Hope you enjoy!

-Check out UnMom for the original RTT

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Too Young

Five years ago today my stepsister died of a heroine overdose. She was 19 years old. She fell in with a bad crowd while in high school, dropped out, and became an addict. The last two years of her life she spent trying to get clean. She was working 2 jobs and had even gone back to school. She was sick that Friday morning and had a terrible fight with her mother on top of it. She went out to clear her head and ran into her old crowd. I'm not exactly sure what happened or how it went so far. All I know is that they found her in an empty apartment Saturday morning.

My father called me that Monday morning before I was leaving for school. It was my senior year and all I had on my mind was my routine for the homecoming football game the next weekend. Eat, sleep, practice had been my life. I was speechless when he told me.

I wrote in my journal about it the next week. It was the night before the homecoming game and I couldn't think of anything else but that girl a mere 2 years older than me laying in that casket. I've dreamt about it ever since and still do occasionally. In fact, it was just 2 months ago that I was walking down the street and stopped dead in my tracks when I saw a blond woman about my age. I could have sworn it was her. This is that journal entry.

Dana:
I don't know how to feel about you right now. I know some people think it's silly that I'm so upset because we didn't even talk. Maybe it is silly. For the past four days I've hardly been able to stop thinking about you. I wish I knew what happened. Did you feel alone? Were you scared? Did you go numb? When I went into that room and saw you there I swear I saw your chest move. You're so young. Do you remember we used to play that game with the crystals and the unicorns? You know, the one you had to play the tape with. Do you remember that? There were four colors and four different powers. I wonder now if you ever thought about it when you were alive. Maybe you were looking for something in and you found it buried in the back of your closet. Your mom told me you saw me on the bus a few weeks ago and you were all the way in the back and I just sat in the front. I wish you would have said hi. I can't remember the last time I saw you...but I can't stop thinking about how I woke you up two weeks ago when I called. My friend said that you're in heaven because it wasn't your fault. It wasn't. I can't stop thinking about what would have happened if you didn't go out that night or even went out with your boyfriend instead. Why didn't they just bring you home? Why did you go out if you were sick even Friday morning? You could have stayed home with my daddy and watched movies. He would have watched a movie with you if you asked him to. It's hard for me to think that I was at a football game and you were so sick...and then I was practicing and you were four blocks away dying. I asked my friend if she thought you were in heaven and she told me that God knows that it wasn't your fault and He let you in. I think she's right. I think you made my daddy remember me. He forgot about me for a little while but he remembers me now. I'm sorry for being selfish. You don't even have a daddy anymore. He doesn't even know your gone. I just want you to know that I think of you and I won't forget you and that I'll remember you as you were when we played that game and not how you were last week. I'll miss you.

I swear I'll never forget her.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Single in the City

I'm traveling to Manhattan today. Midtown to be specific.

Come join me at this Chickey's place.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

RTT: Awards and Hotties. What's Not To Like?


- I still really miss my bunny but I want to thank all of you for your emails and comments. It made me feel a lot better.

-My dog is done with his butt spray! He's still finishing up his meds but I don't have wrestle him anymore. Thank the Lord!

-What happened to you, Eli? Were you sad because I couldn't make it to the game? I told you I was sorry. I'll never let it happen again. That was embarassing for the entire Tri-state area. I know the Saints are a good team...but that was too much. Get that team together, Eli!

- I've decided to incorporate the hottie of the week into RTT. I think it's random enough to do so. This week...Jensen Ackles. I just can't get over him.

- I've been asked by Midtown Girl to do a guest spot for her single in the city series. Watch out for that sometime this week. I'm very excited about it. =)

-Speaking of Midtown Girl...she gave me an award. It's the Circle of Friends Award.
I never know who to pass awards onto. It seems that when I get an award from someone, the people I want to pass it on to already have it. I'm passing this award on to everyone I follow. I follow you, you follow me...that makes us friends in my book. You guys are the best.

Check out UnMom

Friday, October 16, 2009

God Bless Waffle

Otin left a comment on my post that mentioned something about me having pet trouble. Well it continued. My bunny died last night and I miss him very much. I wanted to post something in his honor so I decided to recycle a little something I wrote earlier in the year. It's cute, funny, and will give you a glimpse of the friendly bunny Waffle really was.

(Before anyone flips out trying to say that I "stole" this, I want to tell you that this was on my old blog. I wrote it and yes...that was me.)


...................................................

I have a rabbit and I love him dearly. He is the joy of my life and he's kind of like my little child (since I don't know what it's like to have real children).

That's my darling Waffle and my sister when he was just a baby bunny and we thought he was a girl. About a year or so ago I was feeding him and noticed that he had something near his bottom. "Oh, Waffle! You have poop stuck to your butt!" It was not poop. It turned out that Waffle was not a she but a he.

Since then I've come to accept the fact that he is a boy. If I had known this in the beginning I would have named him Thumper, but that's okay.

It turns out that I should have named him Thumper because he has this habit that he's picked up since going through his bunny puberty...

He humps...A LOT!

I always used to tell people how friendly my pet bunny was. He used to go up to people so they could pet him and he would snuggle on their laps and such. Now he has become a little too friendly. I let him out of his cage so he can run around and he chases me around the room. I tell him, "Waffle, this is disgusting! I am your mother!" He doesn't listen.

This is him eyeing up my roommates ankle.
She had no idea what she was in for.

He spots something he likes...he sniffs a little.
He likes what he sees. He likes what he smells. He's gonna go for it.

He may be a sexed crazed bunny...but he's my bunny and I still love him.

.......................................................

Here are some more pictures of Waffle.

Playing hide and seek

Lounging
Exploring his new homeI will miss my bunny.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

We're Going to Need Another Bucket

Vet Lady: Hello?
Me: Hello. I brought my dog in yesterday and he was put on some medication for an allergy. He lost control of his bladder.
VL: Are you using puppy pads?
Me: Not in the past 5 years or so. He's 6. He usually holds it and goes outside like every other dog.
VL: Oh, so what happened?
Me: I just told you. He's flooding the kitchen.
VL: Does this happen often?
Me: No! That's why I'm calling you (MORON). I need to know if this is a side effect of the medication or if there's something seriously wrong with the dog.
VL: Well what is he on.
Me: .... and.....
VL: Oh...I'm not familiar with those.

............

Awkward Silence

...........

Me: WELL I THINK YOU SHOULD GO FIND OUT!
VL: Please hold....

...............

VL: He should be okay. The doctor says it's the medication.


Well thank you very much. As long as my dog isn't dying. I guess I'll just clean up the pond on my kitchen floor then...as soon as our butt spray wrestling match is over.

I feel like a WARNING would have been appropriate.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

You Wouldn't Be This Excited if You Knew Where You Were Going...

It all started with my mother (as most of these things do) mentioning it to me the other day.

"The dog has been biting at his butt a lot. I think you should take a look."

Always me. I'm the one who has to look at the dog's butt.

Picture this if you will, a twenty something chasing her 72lb black lab/border collie mix around the house for a butt check while my mother sits at the kitchen table quietly giggling to herself.

Turns out he had scabs on him so we took him to the vet. The dog gets super excited about it because he has no idea what he's in for. He just loves riding in that car! On the way over my mother fills me in on a dog we once had with fleas. Apparently my sister and I had little flea bites all over our bodies...I must have blocked it from my memory.

Luckily, the dog didn't have fleas. However, the vet came to the conclusion that at one point he had a flea. That's right, ONE FLEA. This flea apparently caused an allergic reaction that caused his "sensitive skin" to dry out, itch, and now he has these self inflicted scabs on his butt.

All of this resulted in a cortizone shot, an antibiotic, an antihistamine of some sort, and butt spray.

Yes, you read that correctly. Butt spray.

Guess who gets to chase the dog around the house and wrestle him to the ground twice a day to spray his butt. I'll give you a hint...me.

Although I guess that's a good thing for him seeing as how the vet recommends he lose 5lbs. My mom didn't think 5lbs was a big deal until I pointed out the fact that 5lbs is almost 10% of his body weight.

Dog losing 5lb = me losing 12-15lbs.

Someone needs to tell this dog that he is not a person and therefore is not covered by health insurance. This little visit cost $242. We thought about getting dog insurance but I'm sure if we did then nothing would happen to him ever again. Isn't that how these things work? What this dog needs is a job. If anyone's looking for a fluffy, chubby, dog for a commercial or anything drop me a line. Although I will warn you that he's a bit of a diva.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Random Tuesday Thoughts: Where's My Hot Robin Hood?

- I've been slacking a little on my blog reading. I've been distracted by weddings and stealing boyfriends that I haven't been able to get on too often. I'm excited to get back.

- I saw an interview with Russel Crow on the set of the new "Robin Hood" movie. Are you serious? Isn't Russel Crow a little old for Robin Hood? What were they thinking. I have no interest in seeing this movie. There's nothing in it for me. They should have gotten this guy for the role.
Yeah...Jensen Ackles. Yum!

- This picture has inspired me to do a new blog theme about my favorite celebrity hotties. Would anyone be interested in joining or should I just grow up? Please be honest. You won't offend me.

- Jon Gosselin needs to get over himself. At this point, I don't know who to believe. I know I don't trust Jon. He's just got a shady look about him. I'm still debating how I feel about Kate.

- I haven't figured out who the stalker is but I'm going to make an assumption. There's really only one person it could be. It's Mrs. Eli Manning. She's found me out. It's the only logical explanation.

- I changed all of my passwords, but now I can't remember what any of them are. I have a note on my desk with all of them written down.

- I kind of want to train my dog to use a litter box so he doesn't have to be walked in the morning. It's getting chilly and I don't have a thick fur coat like he does.

- I need to buy some clothes because the ones I have don't fit. I can take off most of my jeans without undoing the button. It makes me feel good...but they look kind of silly and it appears that I don't have a butt.

- I went to the most amazing all you can eat rib joint this weekend. Big Ed's in Old Bridge, NJ. If you're in the area you need to go! It's worth it.
Check out UnMom for the original RTT

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Hacker Update: Is Your Boyfriend Even Attractive??

I received word from the hacker. I finally got back into my gmail but my school email and facebook were still locked up. I login to gmail to see if I got anything from facebook to fix the problem and to my surprise I got an email from myself.

From myself? I didn't email me? It was from my school email. You know, the one I'm locked out of. Well appparently I'm not locked out at all because I'm sending myself messages. The message subject was labeled "ummm"

That's right. "ummm" All lower case and 3 m's. This is going to be interesting. It reads...

"....... is the pass to ur skool mail. u have a bf so leave mine alone"

WTF?!?!?!

I replied back "WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU AND WHO THE FUCK IS YOUR BOYFRIEND?!?!" I also wanted to add something along the lines of "how old r u that u don kno how to spel or use big letters like a grownup????", but resisted the urge.

I'm afraid I will never really find out who Psycho Bitch's boyfriend is. I really want to know. I feel like someone should warn him. I'm thinking that he's messing around on her and somehow she thinks it's with me. Although there's a very good possibility that she is confusing me with someone else.

The lesson here? If you want someone to stay away from your boyfriend, you may want that person to know who you are. That way they'll also know who your boyfriend is. I don't know who to stay away from. You solved nothing except to point out the fact that you're crazy to a complete stranger.


Does anyone know a way to figure out who the hell this is??? The curiosity is going to kill me before my next chance to go after her boyfriend.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

How About I Hack You In the Face?!

Dear Hacker,

Congratulations! You have officially pissed me the hell off! I know I know you because it all adds up. You have locked me out of my facebook, main gmail, and even my college email address. You knew enough that my college and gmail are the same which leads me to believe that you either went to college with me and knew that you could look me up in the data base or you were my facebook friend at the very least.

Then I needed to ask myself, "Who is a big enough loser that they would actually take the time to do this?" That really narrowed it down for me.

What happened to the days when people used to make people's lives miserable by doing something like...oh I don't know...writing profanities on their car when you know very well that person will have to get her car washed before student teaching Monday morning? (The kids would have been asking me what that word was on my car, and "slut" isn't that hard to sound out.)

I just find it sad that you have nothing better to do with your life than hack into my accounts. It sounds like you need to get yourself laid...and fast. Trust me, it will make you feel less hostile and hopefully you'll forget all about me living my own little life far, far away from you.

Thanks,
The Ice BITCH

------------------------------

Dear Readers,

Don't be surprised if I'm not on for a while. I may or may not have just outted myself and this email will be the next to go.

Signed,
Your Funny Friend =)

Friday, October 9, 2009

Douchery 101

A guy friend of mine is having lady problems. He's convinced that his only option is to become a douche. He's really working hard to achieve his goal. With the help of some of my friends, we've compiled a sort of cheat sheet for him to go off of.

1. Make sure to have a lame ass nickname for your Civic. Preferably something out of a Will Ferrell movie.

2. Dress up like this guy for Halloween

3.Tell the girl that even though you have football tickets you're not going to go because you feel really bad that you messed up her ticketmaster password and couldn't get them for her too. Then make sure to take off work on Saturdays and attend every game without her. (Just because it's your fault she doesn't have tickets doesn't mean you shouldn't enjoy your own.) Be sure to brag later about how awesome it was.

4. Make sure to tell her how much hotter her roommate is than her.

5. Have automatic locks installed in her car for a Christmas gift this year.

6. If she's throwing up, make sure she actually hits the heater and burns her side when you push her over so you can have the toilet to yourself.

7. Keep your phone hidden at all times and make it really obvious that you're hiding it. If she doesn't mention anything about it just give her time. If that doesn't work then make sure to chuckle to yourself when reading a text. When she asks what you're laughing about respond with something like, "What's your issue?" or "Nothing".

8. Always remember Nothing>Madden

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

No, I Will Not Date You. Have a Nice Day!

My part time cashier position has brought on many creepers. So far I've been asked out 4 times. I try to tell myself that I should be flattered that these men find me so attractive but it just creeps me out. Getting asked out by another 20 something is one thing, being hit on my men who are my father's age is another story.

I find this particularly creepy because I've been told I have a baby face. Some men come into the store and ask me which school I go to. I respond that I graduated and they ask me from which high school. At least these men aren't the ones who ask me out.


Case #1:
(I'm outside smoking a cig and minding my own business. Creeper #1 walks up to me. He's approx. 40ish.)

Creeper 1: What's up?
Me: Nothing (not asking the question back and not making eye contact)
Creeper: You're pretty tan. Do you go down the shore a lot?
Me: Sometimes
Creeper: Where do you usually go?
Me: Different places (not naming those places)
Creeper: Ever go to Belmar?
Me: I've been there (not admitting that I go there all the time)
Creeper: I have a house down there. You should come down and party.
Me: Sir (stressing the fact that he is too old for me), I don't even know you. No.


Case #2:
(This one was semi legitimate as this guy was 20 something. He just had nothing else going for him. I'm ringing people up and he comes up in my line.)

Dude My Age: What's up?
Me: Nothing much.

DMA begins to chat with me about where I went to school and what I do for a living. I then move over to the coffee center to make more and he follows me. It was not until this point that I realized he was hitting on me and unfortunately it was already too late.

DMA: What time do you usually work until?
Me: Sometime in the afternoon (not specifying the exact time).
DMA: We should get some coffee.
Me: I have to run when I get out.
DMA: Oh what are you up to? (DMA has officially been classified as Creeper #2)
Me: I have a party at my friend's house....in EB.

Successfully turned down Creeper #2. However, I find it important to point out that the next time Creeper #2 came into the store he quizzed me on the party I attended, hence confirming the fact that he is a creeper.


Case #3:
(This guy is a regular. He comes into the store at least once a day and is aprox. 40ish.)

Creeper #3: Hey, Ice Queen. (He actually called me by my real name because we're forced to wear name tags which only makes these men creepier.)
Me: Hello. (Continuing to ring up his items and give him his total. Not making eye contact.)
Creeper #3: We should go out sometime. (Not wasting anytime with small talk)
Me: ::laugh:: (I honestly thought he was kidding...until I turned around and he was handing me a card with his number on it). Oh! Sir, no! I can't.
Creeper #3: Okay then. (Makes a sad face and leaves...hasn't been back since)


Case #4:
(This guy is also aprox 40ish and at this point I'm beginning to see a pattern. This is the first time I've seen him and he is buying a breakfast sandwich at about 7:30 on a Sunday morning. It's too early for me to comprehend anything.)

Creeper #4: Do you like your job?
Me: This one? No. My real job? Yes.
Creeper 4: I understand. I work two jobs too. I work for BMW during the week and for the Statute of Liberty on the weekends.
Me: That's cool. (not making eye contact)
Creeper 4: Have you ever been in the Statue?
Me: No
Creeper: You should come sometime. Let me know when you come.

He then hands me two tickets to get into the Statue of Liberty. This put me in a pickle. I've never been in the Statue and I really want to go, so I took the tickets. Will I let him know when I go? Absolutely not. Will I bring someone my own age? Absolutely. If he had offered a BMW...then maybe we could have worked something out.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Random Tuesday Thoughts: Why, Mets? Why?


1. "Smallville". I cannot believe this show is still on. I cannot name a single person I know who watches this show. How did it last so long? It is officially the hidden secret of the CW network. Who knew?

2. I had that people feed meter thingy on here for a few days. The one that tells you who's looking at your site and where they're coming from. It made me realize that there are a lot more people who know about this little treasure than I thought. That made me nervous and I even got a little creeped out so I took it down. Thanks for reading, Stalkers! =)

3. Everytime I try to download a new NKOTB song it gets corrupted. Why? The other 600 songs I downloaded illegally are fine. What does my iTunes have against my New Kids on the Block?

4. My partime job as a clerk has taken a turn for the worse. We got pumpkin loaves in for the fall and they were amazing but now we're not getting anymore. What's up with that?

5. If the tolls continue to go up I will no longer be able to afford to drive in my beloved state. I know you love me, New Jersey, so why are you doing this to me? Don't you want to keep me?

6. The greatest thing about New York is that when your team doesn't make it (again), there's always another team to root for. Having said this, I've decided to support the New York Yankees.

7. At least I was raised to like a good football team. The Giants are the best team in the NFL.

8. I'm going to be Rainbow Brite for Halloween. When you lose 50 lbs. you have to take advantage of it. I won't have this body forever.

9. "Flashforward" is the best new show on tv.

10. I had the Cowboys to win this weekend. It's official....Tony Romo cannot do anything right.

11. I've been getting the urge to shop recently and I'm fighting it with all of my might. I've been saving for a while and I'm just not used to seeing these numbers. I'm hopefully buying a new car by the end of the month. "New" in the sense that it's new to me!

12. Why can't the Mets just be good?!?!

13. Everywhere I look people are getting married. How can anyone even afford to get married? I can't afford to rent a shoe box for an apartment. I wish we all had rich parents.

14. I am so tired of Jon Gosselin! He's a douche. Kate isn't much better. This is what reality tv does to people! He only left her $1,000. I wish someone only left me $1,000. I don't think I've ever had $1,000 in a checking account. Get over yourselves!

15. I'm thinking about joining the gym for that dollar sale. Although I'm pretty sure I have to buy a one year membership and I'm not sure if I'm ready for that kind of commitment.

16. I found this and thought it was pretty funny. I'm sure a lot of us have been there.

Check out the original RTT: UnMom

Monday, October 5, 2009

Wake Up, Chickey!


Dear Taylor Swift,

Cute song, but really? You're in love with the guy next door who already has a girlfriend and you're very sad because if he could only realize that the two of you belong together...

Bladdity blah blah blah.

It's a classic story, Taylor. We've all been there. That's not what makes it sad. What makes it sad is the fact that you're wasting your time singing about this douche. I got news for you. That head cheerleader he's always hanging around with (with the high heels and short skirt) is hot. He likes it. They all do. The sooner you realize this the more pain you will save yourself from in the end.

Maybe instead of waiting for this guy to notice you and your music in the next door window you could take some tips from her. You've got a cute little shape. Show it off a little. Understanding his humor and liking his music is only going to keep you in the friend zone. If he hasn't noticed you for these things before then he's not going to suddenly wake up one day and realize that he loves you. You need to get his attention, then after a while you can point out all the things you have in common to keep him interested. It might work then.

Lust before love, my friend.

Sincerely,
Older and Wiser

P.S. Guys are totally over blondes...brunettes are much hotter =)

Friday, October 2, 2009

The BENNY Would Like a Word...

The first time I heard this phrase was a few years ago. I was in Atlantic City visiting a friend from High School when her rich, college boyfriend called me a BENNY. For those of you who aren't from the great state of New Jersey, allow me to enlighten you...

BENNY:

Acronym used to describe people who visit the jersey shore only in the summer time. Stands for Bayonne, Elizabeth, Newark, and New York, which are the places bennys come from. The typical benny is usually pretty easy to spot. White or orange from fake tan in a can, jeans in the 110 degree weather. Chains, sneakers, socks, even heels at the beach; annoying people who take up locals parking beach and living spaces.
Go Home Bennys..locals only.



(Definition courtesy of urbandictionary.com)...yeah that should show you how legitimate this term is.

Incident 2 was this past summer with a friend from the great state of Pennsylvania. His sister had recently moved to Elizabeth, NJ and she had apparently mentioned something to him about being a BENNY. I explained to him what it meant as he (being from Pennsylvania) had no clue.

Incident 3 was also this summer when an acquaintance (I use that term loosely) from Middletown, NJ called me one. I knew it was a joke but I did not realize that Mr. Middletown was actually afraid of me for this reason.

I need to clear some things up so these shore kids can get over themselves.

1. I have never "pumped my fist". None of my friends have ever "pumped their fists". However, I know plenty of college frat boys who are from down the shore who do (and some from Staten Island).

2. I have never worn socks with my sandals. My father, however, has. No, he's not even a real BENNY. He's from Maywood.

3. I have never worn heels on the beach.

4.When was the last time it was 110 degrees at the Jersey Shore?? Not anytime you can recall.

5. I do not drive a Honda or Accura.

I can't think of any other state in this country who has so much rivalry among residents. It's bad enough that the rest of the country thinks we're ridiculous. Let's not prove them right. Can't we all just get along?

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Theme Song Thursday: Out Tonight

Okay, so I stole this one too. This was the baby of Crazy Charm. She stopped doing it though and I decided to give it life. I think that makes it a legit adoption.

I've been a little bummed this week about my horoscope. It's completely boring. Virgo horoscope always talks about organizing and getting things done because apparently that's the only thing we're good at. I'm good at lots of other things and believe it or not those things are much more fun than balancing my checkbook.

This is for all the other fun Virgos out there.

(This video is only lyrics but it was sadly the best sound quality I found. Sorry.)

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Wedding Bells

My uncle is 55 and has been living the bachelor lifestyle for quite some time. My dad called me a few months ago asking for my address so that Uncle Ed could send me a wedding invitation. What? Why? I'm convinced this wedding took place for financial reasons because after 10 years of living together why fix what's not broken.

On the way to the wedding my sister and I were discussing the bouquet. I am determined to catch a bouquet damnit! It actually has nothing to do with the whole getting married part...I just want the attention of being the young, hot single who caught the bouquet. Is that wrong? I don't think so. Luckily my sister has no interest in drawing large amounts of attention to herself, so we came up with the plan of her pulling a volleyball-type serve over to me if the flowers were heading in her direction. Sweet.

We pulled up in my 2002 Hyundai Accent among all the other BMW's, Mercedes, and Lincolns. My date thought he would be funny. "Maybe we should have taken my car..." he says with a chuckle to himself. Yeah, because your Toyota Corolla certainly would have caused some jaws to drop.

We got inside and we were waiting to go in for the ceremony and there was a bar available. I liked the idea of that. I went over to the bar thinking about what I should start the evening with. "A nice glass of a good ass kicking red", I thought to myself. Then a little sign caught my attention.

A cash bar will be open for your enjoyment before your event.

Cash bar??? I immediately went into a panic. I assumed this would be open bar since my uncle is a bartender. I literally had $4 in my clutch and that was for the vallet and my toll home. As I really begin to worry about where my cheerfulness will come from this evening my cousin steps up behind me.

"This better be an open bar. He's a bartender....cash bar would be so tacky."

At least I wasn't the only one thinking it.

Luckily once cocktail hour began the cash bar became open. Praise the Lord. I was looking around at the guests and quickly noticed something...we (my sister and the rest of the cousins) were the youngest people there by at least 20 years. There was no bouquet being thrown. If they had, it would have been me, my sister, and my two cousins on the dance floor waiting to fight to the death to catch this thing. Actually, that's a lie. My sister had already agreed to send it my way and my two cousins are 17 and 12. I wouldn't have had any competition. It wouldn't have been exciting...just sad. What's worse is that if they tossed the garter then it would have been between my father and my date. I don't even have to say it...I'm sure you can already imagine the horror.

Instead they played the anniversary dance. All the married couples got on the dance floor to compete for a very pricey bottle of champagne. One by one the DJ called them down by how long they had been married

Less than 5 years...

Less than 10 years...

No on on that dance floor had been married for less than 25 years. The couple who won had been married for a whopping 48 years. They got married the year my mother was born. That's certainly something to brag about.

My aunt was actually the one to say what everyone else was thinking..."This is by far the oldest wedding I've ever been to".

Well said, Aunt Beanie.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Random Tuesday Thoughts


-My mom made me some chicken on her George Foreman. It was delicious. It then occurred to me that when I was living on my own we had a George Foreman in the apartment and I never touched it. I think I totally could have grilled some chicken. It looks pretty easy.

-When I left for work this morning there was frost on my car. Frost! Really?

-Am I the only one on the planet who hasn't seen "The Hangover"? This is pathetic. I need to see it so I can stop taking the "one man wolf pack" out of context. (Who says that???)

-Is it rude to unfriend someone on facebook? Would that person find out? I guess it's not that big of a deal but I'm just tired of seeing dumb status updates (i.e. THE ONE MAN WOLF PACK).

-Text of the day: "I was this close to having sex last night....FOILED AGAIN!"

-I went to my uncle's wedding this weekend. It was by far the oldest wedding ever. I think I'm going to write a whole post about it.

-There are so many good shows on tv now that I don't have time to watch them all! I hope at least 2 of them end up being crappy.

-I drove my sister to her Philadelphia college yesterday in my Eli Manning jersey. I got a lot of dirty looks. I really wanted to turn to one of those Eagles fans and whisper ever so lightly "How does it feel to have never won a Super Bowl?".

-Does anyone know how to clean a George Foreman? Maybe the UnMom knows.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Theme Song Thursday: Please Read

Unfortunately a tragedy happened this weekend. At my college a young student passed away. After a night of partying, he headed home but he never made it. He was missing for almost two days until he was found in a stairwell. He died of alcohol poisoning.

I didn't know him. I don't know anyone who knew him but (as a friend of mine put it) that doesn't make it any less tragic.

If you're in college or if you have kids in college please show this to them or talk to them about this. He was obviously okay enough that his friends let him go home alone and he made it most of the way. Sometimes things happen and they get out of control. I remember being underage and avoiding anything that would result in me getting caught drinking but this could have been avoided. Please listen to your gut. If you have a bad feeling then call someone. I don't care if you leave your friend on the sidewalk and call 911 from inside a car parked across the street. If you think someone needs to go to the hospital then THEY NEED TO GO. My sister is still in college and I can't even fathom the thought of something like this happening to her.

The point of going to college is to secure your future and prepare for life. MAKE SURE YOU GET THERE.

This is for Joe.