Saturday, December 5, 2009

Where's Buffy? Edward Needs a Slaying

I want to talk about something that everyone else is talking about.

I want to talk about vampires.

Before you go flipping on to the next blog that is discussing the Twilight saga allow me to be more specific. I want to talk about real vampires (maybe not "real" in the sense that they actually exist, but "real" in the sense of what they are supposed to be. They're supposed to be scary, blood sucking creatures of the night...no sparkly, emo high school kids who live under the overcast skies of the Pacific Northwest.

I'll admit that I've never read Twilight. I'll also admit that I shouldn't knock something before I've tried it, but I'm drawing the line at this one. People who read Twilight are obsessed (just be honest with yourselves). They're not bad people...just obsessed. I don't want to become another girl wishing she could be the next Mrs. Edward Cullen. I will also have you know that Robert Pattinson does absolutely nothing for me. That's right. Sorry to disappoint you ladies but you will never see him as a hottie of the week on this blog. I also feel the need to stress that Kristen Stewart always looks high as a friggin cloud. Am I the only one who has noticed this? Yes? Okay then...moving on.

When I was in middle school I had this idea for a television show. I never told anyone about this idea because I came to the realization that the whole idea of it was absolutely ridiculous and that no one would watch it. I really wish that I would have told someone about it because I was apparently ahead of my time and I would have made myself a lot of money.

Picture this as a pilot...girl and boy go to homecoming dance. They're high school sweethearts, totally in love, and nothing will ever come between them....not even death (see where I'm going with this?). After the dance boy gets attacked by a vampire gang and the whole town thinks he's dead. The girl is completely beside herself with grief and doesn't know how she'll ever move now that boy is dead...luckily for her the boy comes back as the undead. He's now a vampire and the vampire gang that turned him is now after her and he has to protect her from them.

Sound familiar??? You may be saying to yourself..."Wow, this sounds a lot like Twilight and you thought of it first". If you were saying that then you would be partially right...because I did think of it before the Twilight saga became a widespread epidemic, but I didn't think of it first. There was already a tv show about a human teenage girl in love with a vampire.

That's right folks....Buffy the Vampire Slayer thought of the whole idea of this human girl loves vampire boy thing. Doesn't anyone remember Buffy and Angel and their tragic love affair before he broke off to have his own spin off series? I'll go for David Boreanaz over Robert Pattinson anyday.

Sure Twilight changed some of the details but the story line is all the same. They're in love and they can't be together because that would mean him giving into his primal instincts which would inevitably lead to him eating her.
(Didn't Edward let Bella drink his blood to save her life though??? Oh that's right....Angel did the same thing for Buffy...or he drank her blood to save his life. What's the difference?).

Oh, and the whole werewolf thing? Yeah...that was a movie too. It's called Underworld. You should rent it. It was more action than Twilight without the teenage angst.

28 comments:

Jaime said...

i will confess to being one of the vampire obsessed. but i dont want to be mrs. cullen.

i dragged hubby to see new moon. he was generally pained by having to sit through the movie - but he found this link hysterical: http://microsuede.blogspot.com/2009/11/movie-review-twilight-saga-new-moon.html

otin said...

Best werewolf movie ever was the original Howling. Good flick. Best Vampire movie was Interview with the vampire!
Best T and A in a vampire or werewolf movie definitely goes to Kate Beckinsale!!

Also, people forget that Buffy was first played by Kristy Swanson in a movie version!

rxBambi said...

I read the first book, I was not impressed. Plus okay, Edward is a vampire, as in COLD to the touch. Think about having sex with a rock hard cold thing. I'm thinking a marble dildo or something. I'm not at ALL turned on by this thought. I'd rather have the hairy werewolf.

I loved Buffy. Watched it all the time.

Best werewolf movie: American Werewolf in London

Sarah K said...

#1)loved the books, movies make me want to punch kristin stewart, but whatever. this is your blog

#2)i've been watching all the seasons of buffy, and good lord, that author of twilight pretty much ripped off buffy.

#3)you will love this. it's buffy hating on edward. please watch..

http://www.rebelliouspixels.com/2009/buffy-vs-edward-twilight-remixed

♫ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♫ ayu ♫ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♫ said...

i like your stand..XD..i dunno why many are obsessed with Twilight saga..when Ive watched it, I stopped at the middle part since i find it boring at all..hmm..anyway..i love buffy though i'm not really watching it.i just watched few of its eps on TV..but you didnt really have to watched it everyday to like it..and i think that's a better one.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

I have to admit I read all four books. Easy reads, not well written, but draws you in. My daughter wanted me to read them, plus s lot of my girl students are so into them I figured I should see what all the fuss was about.

Daughter was all pissy that I was "Team Jacob" oh my...

Eternally Distracted said...

I've never read Twilight and never watched Buffy either...seems I am missing so much - or not as the case may be!

Little Ms Blogger said...

Maybe it's the fact they sparkle and I totally agree that Kristen Stewart looks completely stoned AND needs to eat and see the sun.

A True Heart Girl in Jersey said...

I agree that the actress who plays Bella looks drugged constantly. Is that part of her appeal? I just want to slap her. But that's how I felt about the character in the books too. Anne Rice's books are much darker and more satisfying than the Twilight books.

Big Pissy said...

I never missed an episode of Buffy. Awesome, awesome show and nothing like it since.

I watched Angel too, but it wasn't he same....

*sigh*

I really wish someone would make a Buffy movie to wrap everything up.

At least I'm skinny said...

I was a huge Buffy fanatic but I am definitely not a fan of Twilight. I've read the books but definitely won't spend my money on the movies.

blueviolet said...

I haven't watched nor read anything vampire related and I agree with you. I just don't see the appeal of Robert P. at all. Not even the tiniest little glimmer of a spark.

Alix said...

Pattinson supposedly doesn't shower. Maybe he's secretly French, no British? I don't get the attraction either, frankly.

But I do think I'll read Twilight eventually. Right after the Lord of The Rings and Harry Potter series.

No, seriously. Imma read all those.

Single and Shallow said...

I will admit to absolutely loving the books. But I'm not obsessed. And I only thought the movies were so-so. But most importantly, I do not think Robert Pattinson is hot. At all. I'll definitely take Angel over him any day.

Single and Shallow said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Optimistic Pessimist said...

I'm with you on this one. I haven't read Twilight, nor do I want to. I loved Buffy back in the day. And what is the deal with what's her name. I think they did a really bad job casting for Twilight.

Martinis or Diaper Genies? said...

Let's go way back to INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE. The real start.

a H.I.T. said...

Actually, I read somewhere that Anne Rice started the whole vampire-human love thing, but that's besides the point. Buffy rocks. I love her and Angel.

Mr. Condescending said...

Count dracula! Hah

Julie said...

i believe in real vamps, in fact, i would be one if i could. immortality would suit me. I love your blog and am now following! I too, am in the process of missing tailgates and college, grad school is for losers and i hate every minute of it

Single and Shallow said...

I just awarded you an award...stop by my page to claim it.

SquirrelQueen said...

I would love to see Buffy do a little slaying in Twilight, that I would pay to see. I'll take Buffy, Underworld and An American Werewolf in London any day over Twilight.

I saw you post title on another blog and just had to pop over for a visit.

Midtown Girl said...

Yea - Buffy was the real deal!! Good that you clarified this darling ;-)

And - when are you heading into the city? Let me know if your up for an event this Thursday ;-)

XOXO
Amy

Joanie M said...

Did you know that David Boreanaz is from Philadelphia? and that his father is Dave Roberts, the weather guy on ABC, Channel 6 (he's retiring)? I bet David is an Eagles fan too.

Joanie M said...

Buffy had the werewolf thing going too. Wasn't Seth Green a werewolf?

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