Thursday, April 30, 2009

I'm Not a Person, I'm a Teacher

If someone had told me when I was going into the teaching profession that I would not be allowed to have a life then I never would have done it. I'm way too opinionated for this shit. I've heard horrows of teachers being called into meeting with the superintendent for being "too vocal at faculty meetings". (That's why I don't bother talking...but they bitch about that too.)

If I could speak to student teachers I would share my experience with them...because after two years of teaching I feel that I have enough experience to do that while still being young enough that they'll actually listen to me. For those of you who may not understand, here's some information about teachers you may be interested in.

1. We have no emotion other than happiness. Nothing ever bad happens in our lives.

2. We do not live with significant others. In fact, we don't have a boyfriends at all. Boys have cooties. If we happen to find a boy that is nice enough to marry then we do not have sex. All teachers hold the power of immaculate conception.

3. At the age of 23, I have never and will never taste a sip of alcohol. Teachers are allergic to alcohol. We don't associate with people who drink alcohol and very few of us have ever actually seen a bottle of alcohol in person.

4. We like everyone. I have never met a single person that I didn't like. We don't think bad people even exist.

5. We are not real people and don't have our own lives outside of our classroom. (We have beds that lower down from the ceilings).


Sarah K said...

i'm guessing you don't have first names, either?

and yes, our congressman has his office below a spa. technically it's a "skin and laser clinic". so that makes it ok, even if it is in a strip mall.

sAm said...

Thanks for visiting my blog! (and hey - I've been teaching 2 years just like you - I feel a sense of kinship!)
It's even rougher when your child ( child) attends my school - the grade I teach - and has friends over.
And I live in a small town - heaven forbid I go out (with a guy!) and have an adult beverage - it's all over the school with warp speed!

Hit 40 said...


I am still learning to behave! I got a letter in my file this year for talking about things that I should not in class!!!!!!!!!WTF!!!!!!!!!!! 18 years 12 more to go!!


Ice Queen said...

@Sam: That sounds absolutely terrible. I could never teach in a small town. Although when you're a teacher isn't every town a small town?

@40:It's better the kids hear inappropriate things from you than from their friends. At least you have the facts.

Hit 40 said...

Thank you for joining my cult!!!

Oh... and thank you! I agree. My comments were really not bad. Some mom was just pissed that her darling some had a C in my class. DAMN BITCH!!!

Ice Queen said...

@40: Yeah, luckily I haven't had any trouble with parents...but I'm only on year 2. Haha

Joanie M said...

There's a reason I'm not a teacher. I don't like other people's kids all that much. But God bless those of you who are teachers!

Joanie M said...

Oh! And thanks for stopping by my blog!

otin said...

Teachers who bitch! My type of blog! Haha!

Ice Queen said...

@otin: We're loved the world round...except by our bosses.

A True Heart Girl in Jersey said...

I'm not sure it would be very teacher-like of you to have enjoyed that photo posted on my blog. I should know, my two sisters are teachers! I used to think they're weren't even human! ;-) Thanks for stopping by!