Thanks for Looking Out for the Alumni

Almost a full year after my graduation, Penn State is continuing to make my life way more difficult than it needs to be. I finally got a position in a local school district (it's low on the totem pole, but I guess in tough times we need to start somewhere). While I've technically had this position for several months now, I haven't actually started yet. Apparently when you want to teach they charge lots of money for little things that prove you're not a menace to society.

City Fee: $10 Not too shabby.

County Substitute Certificate: $127 Seriously? The department of education is charging me to work for them?

Fingerprinting: $72.75 This one really annoyed me. I've already been fingerprinted and can be found in the FBI database, but since my prints were taken in Pennsylvania they don't count in New Jersey? Did my DNA make up change when I crossed the state border? That's right, if I commit a crime in any state they can find me based on my PA prints but if I try to do something like get a job, I can't be found. Go figure.

That brings me to a grand total of $209.75. I'm not going to embarrass myself by telling you all how long it takes me to make that much money. Let's just say that I didn't exactly have that much cash on me at the time (and saving for a new car after totaling the one I just put a few hundred dollars of work into kind of added to the money problem).

Wait...I'm forgetting who I'm pissed at right now. Sometimes it's hard to keep track of these sorts of things. So I got all the money and got fingerprinted, drug tested, and was cleared for tuberculosis. Things are wonderful because I don't have to stand behind a counter and be hit on by creepers anymore.

Not so much...

Literally 15 minutes after getting home from the drug test I get a call from the board of education. They won't accept my transcripts and I have to get the original copy sent from Penn State.

Fine.

I go online to try and get my transcripts. My student account has expired and they won't release my transcript over the internet because they don't know if it's really me or not. I had to call them. I HATE when I have to talk to the people from Penn State. They're all either incompetent or just plain nasty.

Incompetent PSU Employee: Penn State Registrar, Jane speaking.

Ice Queen: Hello, Jane. I would like to request a copy of my transcript.

Jane: Any transcript request has to be made online or by mail.

Ice Queen: I'm not a student anymore so I don't have a login. How do I get my transcript?

Jane: Do we have your signature on file?

Ice Queen: I don't know. I went there for 4 years. How could you not have my signature on file?

Jane: (after looking me up) We don't have it. We won't release a transcript without your signature because we don't know if it's really you or not.

Ice Queen: So I have to come up there and sign a paper before you can release my transcript?

Jane: No, you can print out a form online and fax it to us.

That sounds simple, right? They don't know that it's really me when I request the transcript online, but I can request a signature form online, print it out, sign it, fax it and then they'll believe me?

Is anyone else thinking what I'm thinking?

HOW DO THEY KNOW IT'S ME WHO SIGNED THE DAMN PAPER AND FAXED IT IN?

All anyone would need to know is my name and student identification number to get that signature form. By the way...both my name and student id number are on file in the alumni directory. I looked myself up since I couldn't remember my student id number.

I guess it doesn't matter who's trying to get my transcript...as long as someone pays the $10 for it.