Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Dear So and So

I know I'm not following the right days...I just had to get this stuff out though. Enjoy!

Dear Spikes,
Who do you think you are? The Red Dragon? Really? It's one thing to say this when you own a red Corvette or something equally cool, but last I checked you drove a 2000 Civic. Please don't ever refer to your car as the Red Dragon ever again. Despite recent events that have caused your ego to inflate to the size of your...head! Yeah, I said it! Take your backwards hat wearing ass back to the frat where you belong!

Toodles,
The chick from Jersey


Dear Sister,
You are a scavenger. If I didn't know any better then I would think you lived in a barn. Was it necessary for you to dig out all the crunchies from the Carvel ice cream cake and then leave the empty ice cream shell for the rest of us? Is it necessary for you to take the only gallon of kool aid that I made myself out with you when you drive around with your friends?? Get a damn water bottle!

Love forever,
The classy daughter


Dear Ursula,
You are by far the hardest boss to beat in the entire Kingdom Hearts game. Atlantica is by far the most annoying video game level I have ever experienced. I am not surprised that in the second version of the game they gave you the boot for the Lion King. Serves you right.

Good Riddance,
Frustrated Gamer


Dear Apartment Office,
Please stop sending my roommates late notices for the rent. I know I didn't pay the rent and you know that it was only me who did not pay my share so stop advertising it to that evil bastard. You are on the top of my money owing list and I promise that you will have your money by the 31st when my lease is up anyway!

Signed,
Down on her luck tenant


Dear Mets,
You're breaking my heart.

Signed,
Crying in the corner


Dear Kevin James,
When are you going to give up this charade and come marry me?

xoxo,
Hopelessly Waiting

8 comments:

otin said...

Kevin James??? LMAO! And you are a Mets fan? EWWW! Jersey people are Yankees fans!!!!

lisa said...

You're a teacher - no wonder you can't afford to pay the rent :)

But, we'll save that for another blog post.

Medora said...

I am guilty guilty guilty of eating the crunchies in the ice cream cake. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one.

Hit 40 said...

If you skipped paying the rent, couldn't he just take the $$ out of the down payment??? Maybe you should hold onto your cash.

Sebastian said...

Dude, fuck Ursula. That slimy purple skank took the better part of forever to beat.

Oh, and really, Red Dragons, tribal tattoos, and affliction t-shirts are the modus operandi of douchebags everywhere. This can't possibly be news to you.

Trust your own best judgment and avoid them like the clap.

California Girl said...

IQ: Thanks for visiting my blog. AFter reading this post, Ice Queen seems a bit of a misnomer for one so warmly opinionated and full of zeal...also warm. I like the diminutive, IQ. It fits.

White Rabbit said...

Dear KBee-
I am honestly shocked that you didn't hang out with this guy for one night and go "ugh. Douche" and start running. I almost wanted to slap you in the car for not seeing it, and him for, well, being a douche.
As for Ursula, I don't remember her being so difficult. And I'm pretty sure I got a text with every boss saying this exact same thing. Stop whining and start killing those bosses.
Sisters are lame and I'm glad I don't have one.
I do hope Kevin James realizes what he's missing.
Love,
Friend who's been slacking on posting to your blog

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

The Red Dragon drives a 2000 Civic? Who knew? ;)

Do we have the same sister? Sure sounds like it! :)

So that's why Ursula wasn't in the second Kingdom Hearts...she was a little tough to beat...and ugly, too!

Hey, yeah like Hit40 said - wouldn't your unpaid rent automatically be deducted from the initial deposit? I'd totally check into that...

I hope Kevin James wakes up and realized his dream girl is right here! :)