Friday, August 14, 2009

You Too Can Be a Stalker

I'm always talking about my stalking and how out of control it is. I realized that perhaps if I shared with you my methods of stalking then you would truly understand my problem.

I must warn you that if after reading this you are still not convinced that I have a problem then I'm afraid that you are a stalker too. If this is the case, I would happy to hear of any tips you may have to improve my technique.

Here it goes...

Facebook is my main stalking tool. I remember when I first got a facebook, it was not as easy to stalk people since you could only see those who were in your network or your friends. When this was the case myspace was the most useful stalking site. Eventually people caught onto this and began blocking their profiles so that stalkers could not see them.

I, however, found a way around this. I began looking over the shoulders of friends while they typed in their passwords. When the time was right, I would then sign on their accounts and friend request the person I wanted to stalk. Once this was accepted I could use my friends login to check up on them when I felt the need.

I know what you're wondering. "But Ice Queen, didn't your friends change their passwords once they knew you found out?" If they were good friends then they thought what I was doing was funny. If they were not so good friends then I would login to the account and change their password so that only I knew it. This worked well when I was stabbed in the back by a former friend. You should have seen the redecorating I did with her myspace layout. Something about dog biscuits...I can't remember exactly.

Eventually myspace died down and I had to work with what I had on Facebook. Again, the password thing worked for a while until I got sloppy and started leaving evidence behind that I had been on other accounts. The great part about Facebook now is that it's so casual that it's not creepy to request the friendship of someone you barely know. Once you're friends with this person, you're in! This is how I get to see new photos of people who aren't even on facebook. I just friend request their friends who I met once for 15.3 seconds at a crowded party.

The perfect excuse to friend request someone is to take a picture of them while they're out. If you're at a bar with someone and you're not really talking, just take a picture with them. Drunk people love pictures and will smile and pose with anyone in front of a camera. The next day you can send the facebook friend request because you "have" to tag them in that HILARIOUS picture of the two of you from the night before. Once this friend request is accepted, you can finally see what your best friend's ex's new boyfriend looks like (since he lives in the same apartment as the one you just took the picture with...they're all friends already!)

If you're still able to follow this then I salute you. I had no idea that I had this much to say about stalking. I have more information and tips to share with you but I'm afraid I'll have to make a whole other post about it. Sheesh! Now you can see how serious this situation is. Questions? Comments?


Pesto Sauce said...

Aaw...thats naughty of you to look into passwords

Thank God I never open my account with many around

Mango Girl said...

What deviousness oh Ice Queen!

sAm said...

Hi, my name is sAm...and I, too am a cyberstalker. My current favorite is my county's court docket system...just type in the name, and wahlah - any court cases with that person pops up! This is how I found out my ex-husband has a new daughter (child support) & assaulted his current live-in. I've also used it for potential dates (well, that's been awhile, but still!). But there's more ways...oh so many more - my friends have told me I can be creepy once I get pissed off. Luckily, I'm a pretty even keel kinda gal!

Paige Lacey said...

Okay,.. Crap. Since everyone else is coming forward. I, too, have logged on through someone else's site to check out other people's Facebook sites. Luckily, my son has used my laptop and selected "Remember me" when he plugged his info in. Ha ha. Sucker!

I've never "friended" anyone, though. That takes chutzpah! I applaud you. Golf clap

Sarah K said...

omg, you're a nut! :) i've been known to do a little facestalking here and there. thank god for you we can't find out who has been checking out our pages, and how often!

Jaime said...

you're too funny. your stalking makes for great blog posts

Merlin said...


Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

And here I thought I was in stalker mode...I'm humbled in your presence! ;)

otin said...

I am on facebook, you never stalked me! LOL!

Anonymous said...

Giggity. I'll send friend requests to the friends of the person I'm trying to stalk. But NOT the person I'm trying to stalk.

Then, I'll lurk on the friends' pages for new pics or comments from the stalk-ee. I've discovered juicy information in this manner, without ever appearing to be a stalker.

Also... you can get keystroke memory for your desktop/laptop. Then, leave it out when folks are over. You'll be surprised how often someone just HAS to check their myspace/facebook if internet is easily available.

Then once they're gone... you have their password captured in keystroke memory!

Midtown Girl said...

LOL! Stalk me on FB here please:

You are funny as hell. Even though I know ur dead serious ;-)

Hit 40 said...

I like looking up folks homes online. You can see what they paid for the house, a photo of it, what their taxes are, and if they paid the tax bill. It is all on the county auditor's website.

Plus, I like to look up if they got any traffic tickets or arrests or divorces etc on the sheriffs website.

I did not buy one house because everyone in the neighborhood had a chinese name online. I like chinese but not a whole neighborhood.

White Rabbit said...

well I am going to be the party pooper here and say you DO have a problem lovey. You deliberately stole friends passwords? I would assume that if you knew these people you could just explain that you want to check up on someone and they would gladly help. I know I would. But it worries me that you need to know so badly about these people that don't even matter! That makes me scared to know the level of curiousity that comes witht he people that should!

Hit 40 said...

Oh... I do not want to get up early either for school. This stinks!!!

Anonymous said...

Ouch!I think it's bad(password stealing I mean),but then can I just pass a judgment without being able to offer any solid advise?

See,I do check out some people's profiles sometimes just to see their pictures or the way they dress, more to get ideas about styling.Also,since I am not able to have much fun I am happy seeing their pictures having fun.but I never send requests to random or people I barely know.

But you do have to realize what you are doing is infringing on some one's privacy which is ethically and legally wrong.

It IS a problem and I do hope you talk it out with someone who can truly help you.

God bless!