Saturday, January 9, 2010

It's a LIFESTYLE

I was working my "other job" (yeah, the clerk job) on a Friday night when a man came in wasted. He walks up to the counter and demands to see the "receptionist" (is that my new title).

"WHERE IS THE RECEPTIONIST? I must speak with the receptionist."

I was standing right in front of him.

"Dude, chill out. What do you want?"

He leans over the counter towards me. I immediately go into defense mode ready to beat the crap out of this guy once he tries to touch me.

Drunkard: I need condoms.
Me: So go pick some out.

He got a little nervous since the condoms are off in a corner almost behind our counter.

Drunkard: Can I go get them myself?
Me: Well I'm not going to to it for you.
Drunkard: Don't you have Trojans?
Me: No
Drunkard: I'm not sure if I can trust these Lifestyles. Do you think I should?
Me: That's not a decision I can make for you.
Drunkard: I know...but I'm not sure what I should do...
Me: Well I guess Lifestyles are better than nothing.
Drunkard: You're right. Thank you for your wisdom.

Me: $4.03
Drunkard: Oh my God...I only have $4. What happens now?
Me: Don't worry about it.
Drunkard: You just gave me 3 cents towards sex with a girl I've wanted since high school. I'll never forget you for this!
Me: Please try...

26 comments:

At least I'm skinny said...

I think that just bought you a spot in Heaven or made you become a fuzzy little happy bunny rabbit in your next life.

The Queen said...

OH man.. ya just made an old woman pee herself.. and I'm sitting on my favorite chair..

Glad I found this place I love drunks.. and condom stories.. so I'll stay!

KaLynn said...

aren't drunks fun.. oH i mean, Aren't drunks fun?? they are just so, so, uh, warm and fuzzy...well definitely fuzzy. .Cheers to you for handlin' it well!

Eternally Distracted said...

Classic - How lovely are you helping him towards sex with that girl...the girl who probably 'sent him off for condoms' whilst she ran away and hid for another five years!!

otin said...

Oh, you live a dangerous life! I wish that you could get into what you are educated for so I don't have to worry about my little Jersey friend!

Alix said...

Oh Lawdy. Funny how one man's 3 cents is another man's everything.

You are a good man, Ice Queen.

Ocean Girl said...

This place is too funny, the poster and the comments by the postees.

blueviolet said...

LOL, you said please try! LOVE it!

McGillicutty said...

OK i don't know what's taken me so long to get here....Otin sent me, and I'm not disappointed!!! Love drunk stories....yippee!!!

Jaime said...

WOW

how did you keep a straight face?

E. said...

Mega lol. And quite uncomfortable, I would imagine!

rxBambi said...

I'm glad he didn't touch you. Drunks are funny... as long as they are OVER THERE and not RIGHT HERE. Ya know? I agree with Otie tho, I worry about you there. Especially on a friday night. With drunks.

3 Men and a Lady said...

LOL. You did a good deed.

A True Heart Girl in Jersey said...

LMFAO - that is priceless.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

ahhhhahah, hysterical.

Midtown Girl said...

Oh ick! btw - when are you doing vlogs...i am hopping on this video train ;-)

Poindexter said...

glad he's using a condom. wouldn't want to take a chance that any of his DNA might proliferate.

Children of the 90s said...

Haha, that is too funny, but also pretty awkward!

Children of the 90s said...

Haha, that is too funny, but also pretty awkward!

Julie said...

bahahaha that is hysterical!! love it!

Single and Shallow said...

Hilarious. I hope he thought about you the whole time... Sorry haha

MiMi said...

LOL! This is freakin' hilarious. I love the last line..."Please try."

That Kind of Girl said...

Oh my gosh, that made me L quite literally OL. The "please try" is priceless.

Also, way to pull through and help a drunk dude make his dreams come true.

Jamie said...

bahahaha

Kate said...

Haha really funny post! Glad I stopped by. "You just gave me 3 cents towards sex with a girl I've wanted since high school." Consider that your good deed for the day. :-)

Kate x
http://search-for-the-perfect10.blogspot.com

Jersey Girl said...

OMG! I'm catching up on some of my blog reading and I see this. I work for the company that makes Lifestyles! And yes, they can be trusted!