The BENNY Would Like a Word...

The first time I heard this phrase was a few years ago. I was in Atlantic City visiting a friend from High School when her rich, college boyfriend called me a BENNY. For those of you who aren't from the great state of New Jersey, allow me to enlighten you...

BENNY:

Acronym used to describe people who visit the jersey shore only in the summer time. Stands for Bayonne, Elizabeth, Newark, and New York, which are the places bennys come from. The typical benny is usually pretty easy to spot. White or orange from fake tan in a can, jeans in the 110 degree weather. Chains, sneakers, socks, even heels at the beach; annoying people who take up locals parking beach and living spaces. Go Home Bennys..locals only.

(Definition courtesy of urbandictionary.com)...yeah that should show you how legitimate this term is.

Incident 2 was this past summer with a friend from the great state of Pennsylvania. His sister had recently moved to Elizabeth, NJ and she had apparently mentioned something to him about being a BENNY. I explained to him what it meant as he (being from Pennsylvania) had no clue.

Incident 3 was also this summer when an acquaintance (I use that term loosely) from Middletown, NJ called me one. I knew it was a joke but I did not realize that Mr. Middletown was actually afraid of me for this reason.

I need to clear some things up so these shore kids can get over themselves.

1. I have never "pumped my fist". None of my friends have ever "pumped their fists". However, I know plenty of college frat boys who are from down the shore who do (and some from Staten Island).

2. I have never worn socks with my sandals. My father, however, has. No, he's not even a real BENNY. He's from Maywood.

3. I have never worn heels on the beach.

4.When was the last time it was 110 degrees at the Jersey Shore?? Not anytime you can recall.

5. I do not drive a Honda or Accura.

I can't think of any other state in this country who has so much rivalry among residents. It's bad enough that the rest of the country thinks we're ridiculous. Let's not prove them right. Can't we all just get along?

Theme Song Thursday: Out Tonight

Okay, so I stole this one too. This was the baby of Crazy Charm. She stopped doing it though and I decided to give it life. I think that makes it a legit adoption.

I've been a little bummed this week about my horoscope. It's completely boring. Virgo horoscope always talks about organizing and getting things done because apparently that's the only thing we're good at. I'm good at lots of other things and believe it or not those things are much more fun than balancing my checkbook.

This is for all the other fun Virgos out there.

(This video is only lyrics but it was sadly the best sound quality I found. Sorry.)

Wedding Bells

My uncle is 55 and has been living the bachelor lifestyle for quite some time. My dad called me a few months ago asking for my address so that Uncle Ed could send me a wedding invitation. What? Why? I'm convinced this wedding took place for financial reasons because after 10 years of living together why fix what's not broken.

On the way to the wedding my sister and I were discussing the bouquet. I am determined to catch a bouquet damnit! It actually has nothing to do with the whole getting married part...I just want the attention of being the young, hot single who caught the bouquet. Is that wrong? I don't think so. Luckily my sister has no interest in drawing large amounts of attention to herself, so we came up with the plan of her pulling a volleyball-type serve over to me if the flowers were heading in her direction. Sweet.

We pulled up in my 2002 Hyundai Accent among all the other BMW's, Mercedes, and Lincolns. My date thought he would be funny. "Maybe we should have taken my car..." he says with a chuckle to himself. Yeah, because your Toyota Corolla certainly would have caused some jaws to drop.

We got inside and we were waiting to go in for the ceremony and there was a bar available. I liked the idea of that. I went over to the bar thinking about what I should start the evening with. "A nice glass of a good ass kicking red", I thought to myself. Then a little sign caught my attention.

A cash bar will be open for your enjoyment before your event.

Cash bar??? I immediately went into a panic. I assumed this would be open bar since my uncle is a bartender. I literally had $4 in my clutch and that was for the vallet and my toll home. As I really begin to worry about where my cheerfulness will come from this evening my cousin steps up behind me.

"This better be an open bar. He's a bartender....cash bar would be so tacky."

At least I wasn't the only one thinking it.

Luckily once cocktail hour began the cash bar became open. Praise the Lord. I was looking around at the guests and quickly noticed something...we (my sister and the rest of the cousins) were the youngest people there by at least 20 years. There was no bouquet being thrown. If they had, it would have been me, my sister, and my two cousins on the dance floor waiting to fight to the death to catch this thing. Actually, that's a lie. My sister had already agreed to send it my way and my two cousins are 17 and 12. I wouldn't have had any competition. It wouldn't have been exciting...just sad. What's worse is that if they tossed the garter then it would have been between my father and my date. I don't even have to say it...I'm sure you can already imagine the horror.

Instead they played the anniversary dance. All the married couples got on the dance floor to compete for a very pricey bottle of champagne. One by one the DJ called them down by how long they had been married

Less than 5 years...

Less than 10 years...

No on on that dance floor had been married for less than 25 years. The couple who won had been married for a whopping 48 years. They got married the year my mother was born. That's certainly something to brag about.

My aunt was actually the one to say what everyone else was thinking..."This is by far the oldest wedding I've ever been to".

Well said, Aunt Beanie.

Random Tuesday Thoughts

-My mom made me some chicken on her George Foreman. It was delicious. It then occurred to me that when I was living on my own we had a George Foreman in the apartment and I never touched it. I think I totally could have grilled some chicken. It looks pretty easy.

-When I left for work this morning there was frost on my car. Frost! Really?

-Am I the only one on the planet who hasn't seen "The Hangover"? This is pathetic. I need to see it so I can stop taking the "one man wolf pack" out of context. (Who says that???)

-Is it rude to unfriend someone on facebook? Would that person find out? I guess it's not that big of a deal but I'm just tired of seeing dumb status updates (i.e. THE ONE MAN WOLF PACK).

-Text of the day: "I was this close to having sex last night....FOILED AGAIN!"

-I went to my uncle's wedding this weekend. It was by far the oldest wedding ever. I think I'm going to write a whole post about it.

-There are so many good shows on tv now that I don't have time to watch them all! I hope at least 2 of them end up being crappy.

-I drove my sister to her Philadelphia college yesterday in my Eli Manning jersey. I got a lot of dirty looks. I really wanted to turn to one of those Eagles fans and whisper ever so lightly "How does it feel to have never won a Super Bowl?".

-Does anyone know how to clean a George Foreman? Maybe the UnMom knows.

Theme Song Thursday: Please Read

Unfortunately a tragedy happened this weekend. At my college a young student passed away. After a night of partying, he headed home but he never made it. He was missing for almost two days until he was found in a stairwell. He died of alcohol poisoning.

I didn't know him. I don't know anyone who knew him but (as a friend of mine put it) that doesn't make it any less tragic.

If you're in college or if you have kids in college please show this to them or talk to them about this. He was obviously okay enough that his friends let him go home alone and he made it most of the way. Sometimes things happen and they get out of control. I remember being underage and avoiding anything that would result in me getting caught drinking but this could have been avoided. Please listen to your gut. If you have a bad feeling then call someone. I don't care if you leave your friend on the sidewalk and call 911 from inside a car parked across the street. If you think someone needs to go to the hospital then THEY NEED TO GO. My sister is still in college and I can't even fathom the thought of something like this happening to her.

The point of going to college is to secure your future and prepare for life. MAKE SURE YOU GET THERE.

This is for Joe.

There's No Cooked Food Here! What Do I Do??

My sister recently left to return to school. I was really excited about her leaving. This is my first time being without her since her birth, 2 months before my 3rd birthday. I'm not really sure what to do with myself. It's the little things really. Like when I get home from the store at night and she calls down to me and waves from the window.

And the other morning when I got hungry...

I'm usually a Cheerios kind of girl because that's about as far as my culinary expertise can carry me. I ran out of Cheerios. Usually my sister has her Wheaties in there but my mom stopped buying them since she's been gone. I opened the fridge to find eggs. I didn't know what to do so I did the only thing I thought of.

I called my mom.

Momma: Yes?
Me: I don't have any Cheerios left and it's too early to make mac and cheese.
Momma: I told you there were eggs in the fridge.
Me: I know. I see them.
Momma: So make them.
Me: ........
Momma: Please tell me you're joking...

I don't know how to make eggs. I can hard boil them but that takes so much time. With the timer, and then waiting for them to cool, and then the peeling. I never peel them right either! I take most of the egg off with the shell and that's too much work for one little egg! I just can't be bothered. My sister always made my eggs for me. She made them so fluffy. She put cheese in them too if she was in a good mood. She also made me toast and buttered it perfectly.

I could probably make myself some toast but I never give the butter enough time to warm up. It's always too hard when I put it on and it just rips the toast. It's so sad.

What did I do?

I did what anyone would do.

I put on my shoes and took a stroll down the block to Dunkin Donuts.

Random Tuesday Thoughts

Before I begin let me just say that it has come to my attention that the UnMom was the first to create the Random Tuesday Thoughts. It's has become so popular that I never really knew who started it and I'm afraid I have not been giving her the proper credit she deserves. Please forgive me.

Here we go...

- There's a couple who comes into my store all the time. They're probably in their late teens. The guy is a total douche. He's always making comments to this girl and throwing things on the counter for her to pay for. I really want to tell her she can do better but he's always standing right there!

- It's so funny to see babies all dressed up in sports gear. You know they really don't give a crap who wins. Your sports team is something that you're born into. When I was young I used to root for the team who had the prettiest colors or the coolest mascot. I considered myself to be a Miami Dolphins fan.

-Why do I always pick the wrong lane at the toll booth. I'm always behind the one who needs detailed directions to Canada. Come on people! Buy a map and pull over!

-I hate the brown paper towels they give us to use at school. It's just paper! It doesn't absorb anything. If they spent the money on real ones I wouldn't have to use so many. Surely it would even out.

-Have you seen the new mouse traps that hold the mouse inside the thing so you don't see it once it's captured. It's like a little dome of death. If you can't see the mouse inside then how do you know if one is in there? Do you have to pick it up and kind of give it a little shake to see if there's anything inside? If you do that, what happens if the mouse isn't dead yet and then you feel and hear it squirming around inside for a last chance at life? The thought of it creeps me out.

-Have you ever seen the dating commercials where the chick is riding the horse and she goes, "I'm just a 'goof' looking for my 'ball'."? Who the hell says shit like that? I think that's a surefire way to not get a date.

-I wish facebook would stop recommending I be friends with Hailey Glassman. Why would I want to be her friend? I don't know her. I'm not one of those crazies who like being "friends" with celebrities. I prefer to be friends with people I actually know.

-Friends don't let friends date guys who write "tends to think of himself of a one-man wolfpack" as their facebook status.

Take That, Romo

Dear Tony Romo,

How does it feel to be you right now? Sure, you got a touchdown. I'll give you that much. But, how did it feel to lose in your brand new stadium to Eli Manning? Not very good I would imagine.

I guess good old "W" didn't do much for you by tossing the coin, did he? I'm sure you can blame the loss on his presence. I would.

They tell me that those huge screens they put in weigh the same as a jet. A jet! They're really nice. Eli looked amazing on them.

I realize you had a rough night and that you're probably feeling a little down that you lost on your big opening night but it's hard to feel bad for you after the way you treated my Jessica Simpson. She's too good for you, Tony. Too good for you and your beady eyes. Seriously, dude. They creep me out.

You just stay there in Dallas all crawled up like a baby in your new stadium. You and your douchebag team deserve each other.

Sincerely,
The Second Mrs. Manning

Missing: Jersey

When I was in high school the star of our football team got a full ride to the same Big Ten school as me. My GPA was much higher than his but they made me pay for the education...bastards. Everyone made a big deal about him going and there were posters for my new college all over my high school.

I felt a little left out and was a little bitter about it but eventually got over it. For my 20th birthday day, my evil roommate (who was not so evil at the time) bought me high school football star's Jersey. It was a white and had his 5 on it. It was speciallly made because the kid wasn't a big name at the time and I was the only one who knew who he was.

I wore that jersey to all the games and still have it for when I make my trips up during the fall but now I can't find it. It didn't get burnt in the fire because I remember seeing it afterward while we were cleaning out the house. I'm worried it may have been damaged and my sister got rid of it. I loved that jersey and it really meant a lot to me. This jersey was all about where I was from. It was the only thing that represented my hometown and my college life all in one and that's something that most people don't have.

So, as I'm packing up for my weekend trip I'm still trying to look for my jersey. I'm actually contemplating getting a new one but I'm afraid it won't be ready for the game tomorrow. If not then I guess a t shirt will have to do. Hopefully I don't jinx my old high school chum.



UPDATE: I FOUND THE JERSEY! I'M READY FOR TAILGATING

Theme Song Thursday

I'm heading back to college to visit some friends this weekend and I wanted a song that would have something to do with that. I wanted to share one of the awesome videos of my school and the football games but I fear that if I do so I would be running the risk of losing my anonymity (which may or may not have been lost already).

So I thought about it...

...and thought some more.

And decided...

...that I couldn't do it.

BUT...

I'm leaving you with this instead. I thought it was pretty funny. Unfortunately this was the attitude I had in college...it didn't last long. This kid is in for a rude awakening.


Second order of business...I wrote a blog that's scheduled to be posted tomorrow. It's about condoms. I'm afraid it might be too much. While there are no details of previous experience, there is reference. As anonymous as I try to be, I fear that I have become a little lax in my posts and comments. I've gotten in trouble for my thoughts before and I don't want it to happen again. My first entry pretty much explains how I felt about the whole thing.

I guess what I'm trying to ask is...what's the cost of blogging freely? Did I give up my rights when I decided to go into education? Some would say I did, in fact some have already told me I did. What do you think about this?