God Bless Waffle

Otin left a comment on my post that mentioned something about me having pet trouble. Well it continued. My bunny died last night and I miss him very much. I wanted to post something in his honor so I decided to recycle a little something I wrote earlier in the year. It's cute, funny, and will give you a glimpse of the friendly bunny Waffle really was.

(Before anyone flips out trying to say that I "stole" this, I want to tell you that this was on my old blog. I wrote it and yes...that was me.)

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I have a rabbit and I love him dearly. He is the joy of my life and he's kind of like my little child (since I don't know what it's like to have real children).

That's my darling Waffle and my sister when he was just a baby bunny and we thought he was a girl. About a year or so ago I was feeding him and noticed that he had something near his bottom. "Oh, Waffle! You have poop stuck to your butt!" It was not poop. It turned out that Waffle was not a she but a he.

Since then I've come to accept the fact that he is a boy. If I had known this in the beginning I would have named him Thumper, but that's okay.

It turns out that I should have named him Thumper because he has this habit that he's picked up since going through his bunny puberty...

He humps...A LOT!

I always used to tell people how friendly my pet bunny was. He used to go up to people so they could pet him and he would snuggle on their laps and such. Now he has become a little too friendly. I let him out of his cage so he can run around and he chases me around the room. I tell him, "Waffle, this is disgusting! I am your mother!" He doesn't listen.

This is him eyeing up my roommates ankle.

She had no idea what she was in for.

He spots something he likes...he sniffs a little.
He likes what he sees. He likes what he smells. He's gonna go for it.

He may be a sexed crazed bunny...but he's my bunny and I still love him.

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Here are some more pictures of Waffle.

Playing hide and seek

Lounging
Exploring his new homeI will miss my bunny.

We're Going to Need Another Bucket

Vet Lady: Hello?
Me: Hello. I brought my dog in yesterday and he was put on some medication for an allergy. He lost control of his bladder.
VL: Are you using puppy pads?
Me: Not in the past 5 years or so. He's 6. He usually holds it and goes outside like every other dog.
VL: Oh, so what happened?
Me: I just told you. He's flooding the kitchen.
VL: Does this happen often?
Me: No! That's why I'm calling you (MORON). I need to know if this is a side effect of the medication or if there's something seriously wrong with the dog.
VL: Well what is he on.
Me: .... and.....
VL: Oh...I'm not familiar with those.

............

Awkward Silence

...........

Me: WELL I THINK YOU SHOULD GO FIND OUT!
VL: Please hold....

...............

VL: He should be okay. The doctor says it's the medication.


Well thank you very much. As long as my dog isn't dying. I guess I'll just clean up the pond on my kitchen floor then...as soon as our butt spray wrestling match is over.

I feel like a WARNING would have been appropriate.

You Wouldn't Be This Excited if You Knew Where You Were Going...

It all started with my mother (as most of these things do) mentioning it to me the other day.

"The dog has been biting at his butt a lot. I think you should take a look."

Always me. I'm the one who has to look at the dog's butt.

Picture this if you will, a twenty something chasing her 72lb black lab/border collie mix around the house for a butt check while my mother sits at the kitchen table quietly giggling to herself.

Turns out he had scabs on him so we took him to the vet. The dog gets super excited about it because he has no idea what he's in for. He just loves riding in that car! On the way over my mother fills me in on a dog we once had with fleas. Apparently my sister and I had little flea bites all over our bodies...I must have blocked it from my memory.

Luckily, the dog didn't have fleas. However, the vet came to the conclusion that at one point he had a flea. That's right, ONE FLEA. This flea apparently caused an allergic reaction that caused his "sensitive skin" to dry out, itch, and now he has these self inflicted scabs on his butt.

All of this resulted in a cortizone shot, an antibiotic, an antihistamine of some sort, and butt spray.

Yes, you read that correctly. Butt spray.

Guess who gets to chase the dog around the house and wrestle him to the ground twice a day to spray his butt. I'll give you a hint...me.

Although I guess that's a good thing for him seeing as how the vet recommends he lose 5lbs. My mom didn't think 5lbs was a big deal until I pointed out the fact that 5lbs is almost 10% of his body weight.

Dog losing 5lb = me losing 12-15lbs.

Someone needs to tell this dog that he is not a person and therefore is not covered by health insurance. This little visit cost $242. We thought about getting dog insurance but I'm sure if we did then nothing would happen to him ever again. Isn't that how these things work? What this dog needs is a job. If anyone's looking for a fluffy, chubby, dog for a commercial or anything drop me a line. Although I will warn you that he's a bit of a diva.

Random Tuesday Thoughts: Where's My Hot Robin Hood?

- I've been slacking a little on my blog reading. I've been distracted by weddings and stealing boyfriends that I haven't been able to get on too often. I'm excited to get back.

- I saw an interview with Russel Crow on the set of the new "Robin Hood" movie. Are you serious? Isn't Russel Crow a little old for Robin Hood? What were they thinking. I have no interest in seeing this movie. There's nothing in it for me. They should have gotten this guy for the role.
Yeah...Jensen Ackles. Yum!

- This picture has inspired me to do a new blog theme about my favorite celebrity hotties. Would anyone be interested in joining or should I just grow up? Please be honest. You won't offend me.

- Jon Gosselin needs to get over himself. At this point, I don't know who to believe. I know I don't trust Jon. He's just got a shady look about him. I'm still debating how I feel about Kate.

- I haven't figured out who the stalker is but I'm going to make an assumption. There's really only one person it could be. It's Mrs. Eli Manning. She's found me out. It's the only logical explanation.

- I changed all of my passwords, but now I can't remember what any of them are. I have a note on my desk with all of them written down.

- I kind of want to train my dog to use a litter box so he doesn't have to be walked in the morning. It's getting chilly and I don't have a thick fur coat like he does.

- I need to buy some clothes because the ones I have don't fit. I can take off most of my jeans without undoing the button. It makes me feel good...but they look kind of silly and it appears that I don't have a butt.

- I went to the most amazing all you can eat rib joint this weekend. Big Ed's in Old Bridge, NJ. If you're in the area you need to go! It's worth it.
Check out UnMom for the original RTT

Hacker Update: Is Your Boyfriend Even Attractive??

I received word from the hacker. I finally got back into my gmail but my school email and facebook were still locked up. I login to gmail to see if I got anything from facebook to fix the problem and to my surprise I got an email from myself.

From myself? I didn't email me? It was from my school email. You know, the one I'm locked out of. Well appparently I'm not locked out at all because I'm sending myself messages. The message subject was labeled "ummm"

That's right. "ummm" All lower case and 3 m's. This is going to be interesting. It reads...

"....... is the pass to ur skool mail. u have a bf so leave mine alone"

WTF?!?!?!

I replied back "WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU AND WHO THE FUCK IS YOUR BOYFRIEND?!?!" I also wanted to add something along the lines of "how old r u that u don kno how to spel or use big letters like a grownup????", but resisted the urge.

I'm afraid I will never really find out who Psycho Bitch's boyfriend is. I really want to know. I feel like someone should warn him. I'm thinking that he's messing around on her and somehow she thinks it's with me. Although there's a very good possibility that she is confusing me with someone else.

The lesson here? If you want someone to stay away from your boyfriend, you may want that person to know who you are. That way they'll also know who your boyfriend is. I don't know who to stay away from. You solved nothing except to point out the fact that you're crazy to a complete stranger.

Does anyone know a way to figure out who the hell this is??? The curiosity is going to kill me before my next chance to go after her boyfriend.

How About I Hack You In the Face?!

Dear Hacker,

Congratulations! You have officially pissed me the hell off! I know I know you because it all adds up. You have locked me out of my facebook, main gmail, and even my college email address. You knew enough that my college and gmail are the same which leads me to believe that you either went to college with me and knew that you could look me up in the data base or you were my facebook friend at the very least.

Then I needed to ask myself, "Who is a big enough loser that they would actually take the time to do this?" That really narrowed it down for me.

What happened to the days when people used to make people's lives miserable by doing something like...oh I don't know...writing profanities on their car when you know very well that person will have to get her car washed before student teaching Monday morning? (The kids would have been asking me what that word was on my car, and "slut" isn't that hard to sound out.)

I just find it sad that you have nothing better to do with your life than hack into my accounts. It sounds like you need to get yourself laid...and fast. Trust me, it will make you feel less hostile and hopefully you'll forget all about me living my own little life far, far away from you.

Thanks,
The Ice BITCH

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Dear Readers,

Don't be surprised if I'm not on for a while. I may or may not have just outted myself and this email will be the next to go.

Signed,
Your Funny Friend =)

Douchery 101

A guy friend of mine is having lady problems. He's convinced that his only option is to become a douche. He's really working hard to achieve his goal. With the help of some of my friends, we've compiled a sort of cheat sheet for him to go off of.

1. Make sure to have a lame ass nickname for your Civic. Preferably something out of a Will Ferrell movie.

2. Dress up like this guy for Halloween

3.Tell the girl that even though you have football tickets you're not going to go because you feel really bad that you messed up her ticketmaster password and couldn't get them for her too. Then make sure to take off work on Saturdays and attend every game without her. (Just because it's your fault she doesn't have tickets doesn't mean you shouldn't enjoy your own.) Be sure to brag later about how awesome it was.

4. Make sure to tell her how much hotter her roommate is than her.

5. Have automatic locks installed in her car for a Christmas gift this year.

6. If she's throwing up, make sure she actually hits the heater and burns her side when you push her over so you can have the toilet to yourself.

7. Keep your phone hidden at all times and make it really obvious that you're hiding it. If she doesn't mention anything about it just give her time. If that doesn't work then make sure to chuckle to yourself when reading a text. When she asks what you're laughing about respond with something like, "What's your issue?" or "Nothing".

8. Always remember Nothing>Madden

No, I Will Not Date You. Have a Nice Day!

My part time cashier position has brought on many creepers. So far I've been asked out 4 times. I try to tell myself that I should be flattered that these men find me so attractive but it just creeps me out. Getting asked out by another 20 something is one thing, being hit on my men who are my father's age is another story.

I find this particularly creepy because I've been told I have a baby face. Some men come into the store and ask me which school I go to. I respond that I graduated and they ask me from which high school. At least these men aren't the ones who ask me out.


Case #1:
(I'm outside smoking a cig and minding my own business. Creeper #1 walks up to me. He's approx. 40ish.)

Creeper 1: What's up?
Me: Nothing (not asking the question back and not making eye contact)
Creeper: You're pretty tan. Do you go down the shore a lot?
Me: Sometimes
Creeper: Where do you usually go?
Me: Different places (not naming those places)
Creeper: Ever go to Belmar?
Me: I've been there (not admitting that I go there all the time)
Creeper: I have a house down there. You should come down and party.
Me: Sir (stressing the fact that he is too old for me), I don't even know you. No.


Case #2:
(This one was semi legitimate as this guy was 20 something. He just had nothing else going for him. I'm ringing people up and he comes up in my line.)

Dude My Age: What's up?
Me: Nothing much.

DMA begins to chat with me about where I went to school and what I do for a living. I then move over to the coffee center to make more and he follows me. It was not until this point that I realized he was hitting on me and unfortunately it was already too late.

DMA: What time do you usually work until?
Me: Sometime in the afternoon (not specifying the exact time).
DMA: We should get some coffee.
Me: I have to run when I get out.
DMA: Oh what are you up to? (DMA has officially been classified as Creeper #2)
Me: I have a party at my friend's house....in EB.

Successfully turned down Creeper #2. However, I find it important to point out that the next time Creeper #2 came into the store he quizzed me on the party I attended, hence confirming the fact that he is a creeper.


Case #3:
(This guy is a regular. He comes into the store at least once a day and is aprox. 40ish.)

Creeper #3: Hey, Ice Queen. (He actually called me by my real name because we're forced to wear name tags which only makes these men creepier.)
Me: Hello. (Continuing to ring up his items and give him his total. Not making eye contact.)
Creeper #3: We should go out sometime. (Not wasting anytime with small talk)
Me: ::laugh:: (I honestly thought he was kidding...until I turned around and he was handing me a card with his number on it). Oh! Sir, no! I can't.
Creeper #3: Okay then. (Makes a sad face and leaves...hasn't been back since)


Case #4:
(This guy is also aprox 40ish and at this point I'm beginning to see a pattern. This is the first time I've seen him and he is buying a breakfast sandwich at about 7:30 on a Sunday morning. It's too early for me to comprehend anything.)

Creeper #4: Do you like your job?
Me: This one? No. My real job? Yes.
Creeper 4: I understand. I work two jobs too. I work for BMW during the week and for the Statute of Liberty on the weekends.
Me: That's cool. (not making eye contact)
Creeper 4: Have you ever been in the Statue?
Me: No
Creeper: You should come sometime. Let me know when you come.

He then hands me two tickets to get into the Statue of Liberty. This put me in a pickle. I've never been in the Statue and I really want to go, so I took the tickets. Will I let him know when I go? Absolutely not. Will I bring someone my own age? Absolutely. If he had offered a BMW...then maybe we could have worked something out.

Random Tuesday Thoughts: Why, Mets? Why?

1. "Smallville". I cannot believe this show is still on. I cannot name a single person I know who watches this show. How did it last so long? It is officially the hidden secret of the CW network. Who knew?

2. I had that people feed meter thingy on here for a few days. The one that tells you who's looking at your site and where they're coming from. It made me realize that there are a lot more people who know about this little treasure than I thought. That made me nervous and I even got a little creeped out so I took it down. Thanks for reading, Stalkers! =)

3. Everytime I try to download a new NKOTB song it gets corrupted. Why? The other 600 songs I downloaded illegally are fine. What does my iTunes have against my New Kids on the Block?

4. My partime job as a clerk has taken a turn for the worse. We got pumpkin loaves in for the fall and they were amazing but now we're not getting anymore. What's up with that?

5. If the tolls continue to go up I will no longer be able to afford to drive in my beloved state. I know you love me, New Jersey, so why are you doing this to me? Don't you want to keep me?

6. The greatest thing about New York is that when your team doesn't make it (again), there's always another team to root for. Having said this, I've decided to support the New York Yankees.

7. At least I was raised to like a good football team. The Giants are the best team in the NFL.

8. I'm going to be Rainbow Brite for Halloween. When you lose 50 lbs. you have to take advantage of it. I won't have this body forever.

9. "Flashforward" is the best new show on tv.

10. I had the Cowboys to win this weekend. It's official....Tony Romo cannot do anything right.

11. I've been getting the urge to shop recently and I'm fighting it with all of my might. I've been saving for a while and I'm just not used to seeing these numbers. I'm hopefully buying a new car by the end of the month. "New" in the sense that it's new to me!

12. Why can't the Mets just be good?!?!

13. Everywhere I look people are getting married. How can anyone even afford to get married? I can't afford to rent a shoe box for an apartment. I wish we all had rich parents.

14. I am so tired of Jon Gosselin! He's a douche. Kate isn't much better. This is what reality tv does to people! He only left her $1,000. I wish someone only left me $1,000. I don't think I've ever had $1,000 in a checking account. Get over yourselves!

15. I'm thinking about joining the gym for that dollar sale. Although I'm pretty sure I have to buy a one year membership and I'm not sure if I'm ready for that kind of commitment.

16. I found this and thought it was pretty funny. I'm sure a lot of us have been there.

Check out the original RTT: UnMom

Wake Up, Chickey!

Dear Taylor Swift,

Cute song, but really? You're in love with the guy next door who already has a girlfriend and you're very sad because if he could only realize that the two of you belong together...

Bladdity blah blah blah.

It's a classic story, Taylor. We've all been there. That's not what makes it sad. What makes it sad is the fact that you're wasting your time singing about this douche. I got news for you. That head cheerleader he's always hanging around with (with the high heels and short skirt) is hot. He likes it. They all do. The sooner you realize this the more pain you will save yourself from in the end.

Maybe instead of waiting for this guy to notice you and your music in the next door window you could take some tips from her. You've got a cute little shape. Show it off a little. Understanding his humor and liking his music is only going to keep you in the friend zone. If he hasn't noticed you for these things before then he's not going to suddenly wake up one day and realize that he loves you. You need to get his attention, then after a while you can point out all the things you have in common to keep him interested. It might work then.

Lust before love, my friend.

Sincerely,
Older and Wiser

P.S. Guys are totally over blondes...brunettes are much hotter =)